


Beauty and Blood

by theangryredheadedpotato



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anxiety, Depression, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Multi, Mute Hidan, Original Character(s), PTSD, Therapy, don't be fooled by the straight main pairing everyone else is quite gay, for a while
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-10
Updated: 2017-03-02
Packaged: 2018-04-08 16:38:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 10
Words: 58,587
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4312491
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theangryredheadedpotato/pseuds/theangryredheadedpotato
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Tsunade made the decision to unearth Hidan, she expected to dig up what was buried-- A disrespectful, foul-mouthed spawn of the Devil. Instead, she finds a broken, traumatized shell that can barely be called human. The path to recovery is a rough one, but nobody said reversing the effects of six years of solitary confinement would be easy. With old enemies haunting your past and new ones going after your future, nothing can ever be called easy... Well, at least you’ve got a hot doctor to carry you through it, bridal-style.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Dismantled

**Author's Note:**

> Man, will I ever stop revising this...? They say a true writer is never satisfied with their work but this is getting ridiculous.  
> (This is the third time I've scrapped and rewritten this let's hope this one sticks.)

"Y-you... You want to _what_?" Shikamaru blurted, dropping the scroll he was holding in a most un-Shikamaru fashion. The Hokage sighed.

"You're actually going to make me repeat myself, Shikamaru?” She said with a flat look. Shikamaru clamped his mouth shut and lowered his gaze.

“No ma’am,” he said. Tsunade leaned back, seeming satisfied.

“Good. Now because of the circumstances of his death, I felt it was my duty to inform you of his unburial first." Tsunade's eyes flicked up to his, dark and serious. "However, do not think that gives you any right to stick your nose in classified business.” Tsunade folded her hands and rested her chin on them. Her amber colored eyes were sharp as she trained them on Shikamaru. The brunette gnawed his lower lip, seeming unusually anxious for some reason.

"I just don’t see why it has to be _Hidan_ , Tsunade-sama," he said, kneading the inner corners of his eyes. "Need I remind you that he’s an S-ranked criminal and it’s _extremely_ risky to bring him into the village--!"

"Need I remind _you_ of the losses we took in the war, Shikamaru?” Tsunade snapped in a harsh voice. Shikamaru fell silent, frowning as she prodded at his emotional wound. Tsunade closed her eyes, her expression a silent apology.

“If he is indeed still alive then he could be a valuable asset to the Leaf if he is willing to cooperate. Because of our low ranks, several missing-nin have taken that as an invitation to attack our bases around us. It's not helping us recover any better. If he proves untrustworthy, he will be torn apart and buried again, but we have to try.” Tsunade looked up at him, her face set in stone. Shikamaru knew the conversation was over.

"Fine. I’m done caring about this, do what you like," he muttered. The jounin turned around and stormed out, the door slamming behind him. The pens on Tsunade's desk rattled slightly, making her sigh.

"Tsukimi, I'm going to oversee the dig site," she said to the ANBU guard at her door. She stood and walked out of her office. The guard followed without a word, as she did every day almost anywhere her boss went.

Tsunade made her way down a quiet street, the only people out and about being the shopkeepers. There were respectful nods and a few bows, but she went unbothered for the most part.

For the most part.

"Tsunade-shishou!"

Tsunade paused when she heard a very familiar voice call out to her. She turned around, waiting for the woman to catch up with her.

She looked sharp in a short red battle kimono with a black obi to tying it shut, black shorts and tall black ninja boots adorning her feet. Her hands donned black fingerless gloves and bubblegum pink hair fell in a thick braid to the middle of her back, black streaks winding throughout. Emerald eyes glittered in the morning sunlight, twirling black summoning tattoos ingrained into both arms. She had just gotten back from a mission, her hitai-ate was still tied around her neck.

"Tsunade-shishou!" She slowed to a stop in front of her, bowing in respect before continuing her speech. "Is it true? Are you really going to dig up that old Akatsuki member?" Sakura asked, Tsunade nodded. "May I come with you?" Another nod. Sakura quickened her pace to match her sensei's.

"If I may ask, Shishou... why now?" She asked, gnawing her lower lip. Tsunade exited the village, giving a brief nod at Izumo and Kotetsu. They bowed as she passed them before returning to their game of I-Spy. "Couldn't he be dangerous?"

"I have two ANBU there, he won't be getting anywhere," she said.

They took to the trees and traveled for several minutes in silence. Tsunade kept her eyes trained ahead, listening to the sounds of the wind blowing past and the rhythmic thumping of their feet on the branches of the trees. She glanced at Sakura briefly out of the corner of her eye before flicking her gaze back in front of her.

“I’ve noticed that you’ve been taking a lot of missions lately,” she commented. Sakura’s ears pricked a little.

“Yeah. I’m saving up for a vacation,” she said. Tsunade hummed in acknowledgment.

“With your hospital hours, that’s a lot of work. Sounds exhausting.”

“Well, I tweaked my medicine ball recipe. It’s much better now.”

“I see.”

The small talk sounded superficial, but their diverging paths in the recent months was much to blame. The mutual respect and compatibility remained, but the affection was gone. Too many times had their opinions clashed, both too stubborn to submit to the other.

_“See a therapist.”_

_“I don’t need to.”_

_“Maybe you should see about going on antidepressants.”_

_“No.”_

_“Sakura,_ talk _to me.”_

_“... No.”_

They say war changes people, and nobody knew that better than Tsunade. She had just hoped that Sakura would be spared.

When they reached the dig site, two of Tsunade's most trusted ANBU and a small team of medics had already arrived. Much of the debris had already been cleared away, a small pile of body parts spread out on a tarp.

"Tsunade-sama!" Called someone from the bottom of the hole. Tsunade walked up to the edge and peered down. Tatsuki, the captain, was staring up at her as he scratched his head. Shoulder-length black hair stuck out in a stubborn cow-lick, his teal eyes peering at them from under the mess.

"Yes, Tatsuki?" She replied. Tatsuki snapped at someone as they tossed a finger up at an ANBU. He sighed, putting one hand on his hip.

"Is it entirely necessary to have every part?" He asked. Tsunade looked at the pile of body parts they had already gathered then back down at Tatsuki, raising an eyebrow. He hurried on with his explanation.

"The rocks crushed most of his body, so there's quite a lot of--." Tatsuki stopped himself as someone yelped. There was a thump as that someone hit the ground. He turned back and saw a medic on his back, having slipped on what looked like a rib. "--Pieces..." He finished lamely. Tsunade chewed the inside of her lip.

"Just bring up what you can, we'll work out something if everything isn't gathered," she said, backing up from the edge. Someone clambered up with an arm, albeit missing the hand...

"Sakura, take note of what we have. Keep tabs on this group and accompany them back to the Leaf," she said. She walked back in the direction she came from, at a slower pace this time.

Sakura nodded and walked over to the bloody pile of parts that the medics had spread out on a tarp. She frowned in concentration as she took count of what was there.

 _'Hmm, two, four, six, eight... Nine fingers, both arms, most of the digestive system, a leg, two feet, some miscellaneous parts, but still no head... '_ she thought.

 ** _'Saku-chan, this is BORING.'_** Her Inner's voice rang in her head. Sakura subtly rolled her eyes.

_‘Shut up, I’m not letting you front.’_

_**‘Awh, please? C’mon, I’ll be good!’** _

_‘You said that last time and ended up almost jeopardizing my mission.’_

_**‘Oi, not my fault that guy was a prick."**_

_"EVERYONE'S a prick to you, Inner."_

Inner had been a part of Sakura for as long as she could remember, so arguments like these were commonplace. It wasn’t until after her first few A-class missions that she recognized her as an actual person. A person who could assume control of her body if Sakura let her (or if she tried hard enough). Naruto jokingly referred to Inner as the yin part of her soul and Sakura as the yang, and it wasn’t actually too far from the truth.

She shook her head to refocus herself and prodded one of the arms, only to freeze when she realized it was warm. It was detached from it's body, yet blood still pulsed through it? Sakura picked it up and gently moved the joints. The arm bent smoothly, no sign of rigor mortis to be found.

Sakura grimaced, setting down the joint. The medic part in her yearned to learn everything she could about him. Did poisons affect him? How can the blood still flow if there was no pulse to keep it going? Could Hidan ever actually die? And if so, from what? Infections? Malnutrition?

Sakura puzzled on this, with the occasional "helpful" hint from her Inner. She was discussing things with one of the medics that was there when a whoop of joy came from the pit.

"Sakura-chan, we found the head!" Tatsuki hopped neatly out of the hole, a head covered in brown-gray hair tucked under one arm. Sakura's stomach churned in a sickening manner. She had seen the worst of human suffering in the war, but a head that could still function while detached from its body? That's a new one. To say the least... Just the _immorality_ of it freaked her out... and maybe those horror movies Naruto had forced her to watch.

"Oh geez. Umm, hand it-- him, here. I'll try to coax him into consciousness. Maybe we can learn if six years in a hole changed his views a little," she said with a nod of her head. Tatsuki handed it to her and returned to the hole as Sakura gingerly walked over to a large oak and sat under it. She looked at his face and inspected it. Dried blood caked his lower jaw and there were dozens of small bruises and cuts on his face. She noticed a particularly nasty purple bruise on his temple that reached his ear. The said ear had a small chunk torn out of it.

 _'Probably got bashed with a rock... Along with every other part of his body...'_ she thought, a little sarcastically. She focused her chakra into her hands and traced her fingers across his face, returning it to its his normal visage. Meanwhile, Inner less than pleased.

**_'Nonono, don’t heal him, poke his eye out! Shave a chunk of his head. Tattoo a pornstache on him. C’mon, let’s have some fun with this fucker!'_ **

_'Don’t tempt me.'_ Sakura smirked. _‘This an important mission, and I must remain professional.’_ She glanced around to make sure nobody was watching her before squashing Hidan’s cheeks into a fish face.

_‘Look at me, I worship Satanic gods and like stabbing myself, durr-hurr.’_

_**‘Yes. Yes good.’** _

Sakura allowed herself a small snort of amusement before shaking her head and focusing back on Hidan's decapitated head. Sighing to herself, she used her fingers to pick her way through his mass of filthy hair. It was disturbing to think that an S-rank criminal was at her mercy. It gave her some evil thoughts, but she shook them off. She hated this man, but not enough that she would... never mind. His hair was tangled with dirt, blood, and-- _Ew_. Just ew.

Without warning, his eyes popped open and locked on Sakura. She flinched, her blood running cold. Hidan’s eyes flicked left and right in an almost... panicked manner. They roamed over to the medics and the two ANBU who were oblivious to him being awake.

Sakura waited for Hidan to shouting obscenities or something of the sort, to start wiggling or trying to bite her. Sakura had heard from Shikamaru that Hidan had a terrible swearing habit. His violet colored eyes turned back to her, and they stared for a long time.

“Well?” She murmured.

Hidan’s lips parted and Sakura’s pulse raced in anticipation.

Unfortunately, before a word left his lips, his eyes rolled up and he seemed to pass out again. Sakura let out an irritated puff of air she had been unknowingly holding.

_‘That was disappointing.’_

**_‘No kidding.’_ **

Sakura frowned to herself, gnawing thoughtfully on her lower lip. She ran through a list of possible reasons why he hadn't spoken. Damaged vocal cords? Fear? Being plain old stubborn?

"Sakura!" Tatsuki's voice startled the said woman out of her thoughts. Sakura's head snapped to look at the ANBU captain. He was pointing at each body part and counting under his breath. He sighed and turned Sakura.

"A missing finger, only one kidney, a missing rib and several bone ligaments are gone. Most likely scavenged by animals or something of the like," he said. Sakura nodded before pushing herself to her feet and tucking Hidan's head under her arm. She had no real interest in being careful anymore. Hidan was a big boy, he could handle it.

"Let's go, this guy isn't getting any less chopped up while we stand here," Sakura said, dusting off her butt with one hand. Tatsuki smiled and put a hand in his pocket as he effortlessly hefted the large bag of body parts over his shoulder and jogged to catch up with Sakura.

Basically, when she said jump, Tatsuki said, “how high?” That’s the way it had been since he had been found in some village ruins, starving and half-dead. He was nursed back to health by none other than Sakura, and since then, the pair had been almost inseparable. Or more accurately, Tatsuki rarely left Sakura alone. Not that the medic minded, his company was never a bother.

They walked through the forest at an easy pace, not bothering to hurry, as the other ANBU were staying behind to refill the hole. The silence wasn't uncomfortable; in fact, it was kind of nice. But then again, Tatsuki had never been the quiet type.

"How's Naruto?" He asked eventually. Sakura huffed in laughter.

"He still can't sit down. He sneaked into my house two days ago in the middle of the night to ask if he could borrow soap and broke my favorite vase. I kicked his ass all the way to the Hokage monument!" She said with pride, clenching her fist in front of her face, a grin tugging at her lips. Tatsuki burst out in laughter.

"I know never to mess with you when you're cranky," he chuckled, his laughter only going up a notch when she rolled her eyes. Sakura knew he was just making mindless conversation to keep her mind from stewing on itself, but it helped anyways. Sakura snickered as a branch the she pushed aside whipped back and slapped him in the face.

"OW! Oh, thanks a lot, Sakura-chan!" He whined. He sounded a lot like Naruto. “I think that was poisonous! Oh god... _Oh god_ , I can feel the deadly toxins seeping into my blood...”

Tatsuki began choking and stumbling, crashing into Sakura, who laughed and shoved him off.

“If you’re dying from the ‘toxins’ being introduced into your blood, that means it’s venomous, not poisonous. And Tatsuki?” She said. Tatsuki paused in his dramatic death. “That was an oak branch.” Sakura sighed, then giggled. Tatsuki shook his head and gave her a wide grin.

“Well it could have been venomous. Speaking of deadly things, I heard that Gaara-sama's..." he paused, glancing around sneakily as if the redhead himself would pop out at any moment. Sakura raised an eyebrow.

"Playin' for the other team, if ya know what I mean," he said with a devilish grin. Sakura's eyes widened.

" _What?!_ " She blurted. Tatsuki nodded and grinned.

"I'm not even kidding, Lee got drunk a few days ago and was just going on and on about how soft Gaara's hair is and what a lovely shade of green his eyes are and how adorable he is when he blushes. Do you think he was telling the truth? Because Gaara doesn't blush. Ever. Nor does he burp, fart, laugh, sneeze, or do anything that involves natural human instinct." Sakura burst out laughing. Sorry, but using the words 'Gaara', 'burp', and 'fart' all in the same sentence, was just too much.

* * *

Hundreds of miles away, in Suna, Gaara sneezed. He sniffed, shook his head lightly and went back to his paperwork.

* * *

The moment Sakura reached the hospital, Tsunade rushed her into the operating room to begin the “traumatic reconstruction surgery.” Sakura doubted that there had ever been a check-in paper quite like Hidan’s before...

A team of Konoha's most experienced surgeons were at Sakura’s beck and call as she proceed with what took the cake as the most difficult operation of her life. Did Shikamaru _really_ have to do such a good job blowing him up? Why couldn't he have just gone all _Chainsaw Massacre_ and hacked him apart? Reattaching a leg was _so much easier_ than reconstructing it.

Around fifteen hours into the surgery, Hidan’s body looked almost human. Twenty hours in marked the end of the easy part. Now it was time to reconstruct nerves and tendons. _Fun._

_Fuck your explosives, Shikamaru..._

"Moegi-chan, make sure you focus on that seal. We don't want him waking up yet," Sakura said when she noticed Moegi’s head nodding sleepily. Sakura didn’t blame the poor girl, she’d remained stubbornly awake for almost eighteen hours. Sakura was aching for a nap as well, and kinda needed to pee...

"Yes, sorry, Sakura-sama!" The redhead blurted, jolting awake. Sakura chuckled and raised an eyebrow, keeping her eyes on the blood vessels she was connecting in the meaty mess of Hidan’s thigh. There were _so fucking many_. Sakura found out early on that anesthesia had little to no effect on him, forcing them to have an assistant standing by and keeping him in a pseudo-coma. Sakura already eaten four medicine balls, but at least she was in the home stretch now.

**_‘Ha, you missed one, loser.’_ **

_‘Thanks.’_

Hey, Inner had her... Somewhat helpful moments. Not to mention how handy it was to have four pairs of eyes taking in info in battles.

"Just Sakura is fine, you know," she said. Moegi nodded again, a determined look on the teen's face. Sakura muffled her laughter behind a cough as she realized she probably hadn't processed a word she said. Two other doctors were in the room, working on other parts of Hidan's body, a man and another woman. They chuckled at Moegi's eagerness to not mess this up. It had been almost a year since Sakura had taken her under her wing and was proving to be a talented disciple. Moegi had jumped at the chance to prove herself in an important operation such at this one.

It took well over twenty-eight hours, but with the help of the two medics, everything was attached and (hopefully) in proper working order. He looked a little like Frankenstein's Monster, with stitches criss-crossing over most of his body. His skin was pale from years buried beneath the earth and his frame was emaciated and frail-looking. Not at all like his former self... Hip bones and shoulder blades stuck out at painful angles, each and every rib visible through the papery surface of his skin. Sakura stepped back, dragging a hand across her forehead.

"That took about as long as I expected," she said, stripping off her gloves and pulling her flu mask down. She walked over to the sink and washed her hands, scrubbing off the smell of the blood that had seeped through the gloves. "Still, I don't even know if everything will work." She sighed, drying off her hands and turning around to face her small team of medics.

"I'm sure it will. After all, you are our top medic." The female medic, Hana, chirped. Sakura nodded absently, listening to her praise with only half an ear. You could only hear it so many times without it beginning to get old.

"You can release the seal now Moegi-san," she said, seeing that she hadn't yet stopped her chakra flow. Moegi jumped and her cheeks flushed before she realized that holding the seal was now unnecessary. The bubble of chakra vanished from her hands and she stepped back, making a few hands signs. The mark on Hidan's forehead vanished. Moegi grinned as she wiped her brow.

"Well done, Sakura-sama," she said enthusiastically. Sakura smiled at her.

"I should be saying the same to you, Moegi-chan. Now you should go get some sleep," she said, nodding. Moegi's smile widened further and her cheeks were flushed bright pink.

"Thank you, Sakura-sama!" She squeaked before bowing and leaving, likely heading for the nearest break room. Sakura watched her go before glancing down at Hidan. The monitors attached to him began to become more active as he gradually rose into consciousness. She let out a puff of breath and grabbed a needle with a heavy sedative in it. You know, just enough to keep him a little drowsy and calm when he woke up. She inserted it into his IV and the monitors calmed once more.

"He should wake up in a few minutes, let's clear out before he does. No need to set him on edge the first moment he wakes up." She threw a hospital gown over Hidan's naked body before taking the wheeled tray full of dangerous surgical tools and pulling it out of the room with her. She shut the door as soon as the other two doctors had cleared out as well.

A long moment after they left, Hidan's eyes slowly cracked open. His eyes opened at a creeping pace, taking several seconds to adjust to the light of the operating room. He looked left, then right before coming to the conclusion that he was alone. Slowly, oh so slowly, he twisted his head to the right, and then to the left.

A harsh cough set his throat on fire but it was such sweet, blissful pain. His lungs were able to reject years worth of dust that had gathered in his throat, and it felt great. His chest rose and fell, pulsing with a muted pain all the way. Still... it wasn't enough. He glanced around him, taking in his surroundings with guarded fuchsia eyes. Even that small series of movements had his heart monitor picking up his increasing pulse. He attempted to sit up, only to have a blinding white flash of pain shoot across his stomach that even _he_ couldn't tolerate. Okay, so maybe sitting up was a little out of his league... He settled with twitching his fingers and toes, trying to force sensation back into them.

Even if all he could feel was pain...

The cheap linen under his body crackled with every tiny shift of his body and the only sound in the room was the beeping of his heart monitor and a few other machines that he didn't care to know the name of. He was in some kind of operating room, if the many machines and bright, piercing light above him were any indication.

He noticed the IV bag hanging from the corner of his eyes and watched it drop down a tube with almost childlike curiosity. If he was in this much pain with _that_ cocktail of drugs being pumped into his system, then it would be a bitch later. Actually, more like a motherfucking _nightmare_.

His eyes flicked to the door as it opened and the pink haired woman from before walked through. She wore a simplistic white lab coat, but a kunai with a stethoscope stitched into her collar, marking her as a medic nin. When she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, he could see the black lines of a tattoo peeking out from under her sleeve.

She seemed a little surprised to see him awake but that faded immediately into a guarded professionalism.

"Feels a little weird after six years, huh?" She said wryly. She glanced down at the clipboard she had been hugging to her chest when she walked in, flipping through a few papers while chewing on the tip of her pen. She studied the monitors carefully, seeming like she didn't have a care in the world that a former S-ranked criminal was sitting right next to her.

After a few seconds she finally spoke. "Well, your vitals are fine for your internal organs being banana pudding. Blood pressure normal for post-surgery... any pains or abnormal sensations?" She asked, looking up at him. Hidan just stared, remaining silent, his look flat and seeming to portray the very essence of, “ _are you fucking kidding me? No shit._ ” Sakura tapped her lips with her pen, a troubled look crossing her face.

"Hmm... I don't think your vocal chords would be very functional right now..." She murmured. "How about...?" She reached down and pushed her hand into Hidan's limp grip. "Squeeze once for yes, twice for no, okay?" She said. In return, she received the barest of squeezes from his weak fingers. Sakura gave a smile that was 90% fake, but also expected of a medic with her patient.

"Good, Hidan, very nice" she said. She leaned forward, taking a tiny flashlight from her front pocket and carefully opened Hidan's heavy lidded eyes wide. She shined in the beam against his retina, watching his pupil dilate in a normal fashion. She replaced her hand in Hidan's and went back to asking questions.

"Are you in pain?" She asked. A squeeze.

"A little?"

Two squeezes.

"A lot?"

One squeeze. She scribbled on her clipboard. _'Note to self: Up his morphine dosage.'_ She pressed the clipboard to her chest again and the 'sweet nurse' persona melted away like snow from hot metal. Her eyes flicked down to meet his, her eyes cold and severe.

"Just know that the only reason you’re in one piece is because Tsunade-shishou thought that spending eternity in a hole is worse than hell. If you so much as harm a fly in this village, you'll be blown up and buried again, understand?" She said, pointing her pen at him. He raised an eyebrow.

"Do you understand?!" She repeated, more severely this time. Hidan managed a pained nod, slightly fearful of the ki leaking out of her. His brows furrowed at the look she gave him and he felt his skin crawl. This was _definitely_ someone that could be very dangerous if she wanted to. It would be best not to get on her bad side...

Sakura seemed to relax as she looked at her clipboard again, flicking through a page or two. After a moment, she nodded to herself in satisfaction.

"Alright. You have barely enough muscle mass for fine motor skills, so we'll check you in here for a while until you regain enough to be able to move around freely. I'll call someone in to get you up into one of the wards. Don't worry, we'll probably be able to return you to full functionality," she said.

 ** _‘Unfortunately.’_** Her Inner added sarcastically.

"Shut up." Sakura accidentally said out loud.

 _Shit_.

She flushed a little. "Not you. Nothing. Nevermind," she grunted, turning around and vanishing out the door.

Sakura walked down the hall, up a flight of stairs and entered a room to the right, into her office. She set the papers from her clipboard in a basket on her desk. A few slid off the messy pile and fell to the floor, but she was _way_ too exhausted to pick them up. Sakura threw herself into the chair, kicking off her shoes and resting her aching feet on her desk.

Two seconds. She had been there _two seconds_ when the phone on her desk rang. She got the frustrated scream out of her system and then pressed the intercom button.

"Hello?" She grunted as she kneaded the inner corners of her eyes, fighting off a migraine from such a long operation.

"Sakura, I need you in my office." Tsunade said, sounding somewhat annoyed at something.

"Wait, what? Why?" She asked. There was a crash and Tsunade swore.

"Just get up here!" She snapped. Sakura rolled her eyes and made a loud groaning noise towards the ceiling. She pushed back from her desk and shrugged out of her bloody lab coat to hang it on a post. Sakura left her office, traveling up a few more floors to Tsunade's office. It had be relocated to the hospital as she got prepared to retire and hand the crown over to Naruto.

She knocked on the heavy oak doors, waiting for permission to enter.

"Yes, get in here." Came the busty blonde's muffled reply through the door. She opened the doors to see that Tsunade had been going through a huge file when stepped into the room. She glanced up at Sakura before her attention returned to her paperwork. Sakura glanced at the shattered vase in the corner of the room, but decided not to question it. Probably another argument with Naruto, though her and Shizune had been butting heads a lot lately.

"Ah, good Sakura. So how did Hidan's operation go?" She asked, sifting through a large mass of paperwork, muttering curses under her breath.

"Fine," she said, fighting a smile as she looked at the hopeless mess of papers that was the file she had been studying. "As far as I can tell."

"Details, woman." She drawled, stamping a paper before moving onto another stack of documents.

"His vital signs were fine, and he didn't say anything about any malfunctions in his system. Actually, he didn't speak... Uh, period." Sakura finished and stood waiting for an answer. Tsunade looked up at her, raising an eyebrow in a curious manner, urging her to go on.

"I have a feeling that it might have something to do with his vocal chords, so I'll check those out when I can. The more boring details I'll put together in my report," she said, clasping her hands behind her back, preparing to be dismissed. She paused when Tsunade continued to speak.

"All body parts together and-or regenerated?"

"Yes."

"Any abnormal substances in his system?"

"Nope."

"Mental health in good condition?"

"As far as I could tell, yes."

"Good. What about physical strength and reflexes?"

"He has some severe muscular atrophy, and his reflexes are dulled to an extreme degree. I'd say it would take anywhere from twelve to eighteen months to get them back to what he used to have, minus the time it would take for his joints and limbs to join together once more," she explained, ticking items off on her fingers out of habit. Tsunade tapped her chin thoughtfully, processing the information.

"He would definitely need some extensive rehabilitation..." she murmured, more to herself than to her disciple. Sakura nodded, but she had a bad feeling about where this conversation was going.

"I'm assigning you as his personal nurse. Rehab, and training included," she said without warning, her voice casual as she stamped another paper. It was strangely reminiscent of a Judge's gavel after having given someone a death sentence.

**_'You're fucking shitting me...'_**


	2. Genial

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies ahead of time for butchering Hidan's personality but I can't help b r e a k i n g certain characters òwó  
> (You can toss me into a landfill now pls and thx)

Sakura's eyes widened and she was shocked into silence. She opened her mouth to complain but Tsunade held up her hand and she clamped it shut again, albeit reluctantly.

"No 'buts' alright! You are a very strong kunoichi, so I trust you'll be able to handle him if he gets out of hand. Honestly, you’re the only one I _do_ trust to be able to do this,” she said. While a part of her swelled with pride at that, the rest of her shuddered with the thought of having to spend an entire year (maybe even more) in that creep’s presence.

**_‘Maybe we should take up Naruto’s offer on going out for a drink sometime.’_ **

_‘Couldn’t have said it better myself.’_

Sakura sighed and nodded and turned around, walking out the door. When she shut the door, she heard a loud, angry grunt and then something else shattered. Well, Sakura had to have gotten the habit _somewhere._

Sakura hurried back down to the operation room, grabbing her lab coat from her office along the way. When she opened the door, she saw Hidan studying his reflection on the shiny surface of a metal bowl next to his head-- particularly the stitching around his neck where his head had been sewn on.

"Not exactly the image of refined beauty?" She questioned snidely as she walked over and wheeled away the tray with the harmless surgical utensils on them. Then again, a capable shinobi could turn anything into a weapon, so she was probably lucky he was in such an incapacitated state. "Don't worry, once the stitches are out, somebody can probably heal the scarring to a certain degree." He scowled at her, his lips curving down into a frown.

"Don't make that face at me. If you weren't so weak already, we'd have you bound down to the table and in the prison ward of the hospital. Instead you have this lovely operating room and even freedom of movement," she said, her voice gaining an airy tune. She suddenly paused on her way to sink to deposit the bowl. She remembered Tsunade's words and she scowled to herself, slamming the bowl with a little more force than necessary, making an awful metal-on-metal clang. She turned back around to face Hidan, the sour look still stuck on her face. Hidan, however, had his eyes screwed shut and Sakura didn’t know whether it was from pain or the noise.

"By order of the Hokage herself, I am going to be your personal nurse on your recovery," she grumbled in the monotone voice of someone reciting something they had long since memorized. Hidan cracked open one eye, looking confused. Sakura rolled her eyes. " _Rehab_ , idiot. You're not gonna be swinging that scythe around anytime soon without some extensive rehabilitation." She ran both hands through her hair, massaging her scalp to soothe an oncoming headache. She wanted nothing more than a nap, but that would probably have to wait. "We can leave the hospital as soon as your motor skills are up to par."

He stared at her distrustfully, unsure of what rehabilitation would include. He had heard rumors long ago of people using shock therapy and the thought made his blood run cold. Sakura stared back with a rueful grin on her naturally pink lips. Hidan broke the stare-off first, dropping his gaze to somewhere to the left of him. Sakura inwardly whooped, pushing herself off the counter.

"I'll have someone wheel you to a recovery ward down the hall," she drawled, her humor fading away as she walked out the operating room door. Hidan stared after her, the grimacing slipping from his expression. He huffed wryly and ran his thumb along the stitches on his index finger. He never thought he’d be so excited to be able to feel something _other_ than skull-splitting pain.

* * *

Hidan stayed in the hospital for well over a month. The entire hallway his room was stationed in became somewhat of a no man's land aside from Sakura and a few other high-level medics. Rumors had been spreading like wildfire and Sakura thought some of them were quite hilarious.

_“I hear that new patient is half-Devil.”_

_“My cousin says that he cuts his own head off for fun and carries it around.”_

_“Somebody said that he only eats the flesh of babies. Maybe that’s why his meals are always covered!”_

_“EVERYONE’S meals are covered you idiot, it’s to keep them warm.”_

_“I think the Satanist is kinda hot to be honest...”_

For the first few days, he had been so drugged-up on painkillers he was passed out most of the time. His hair had been washed and cut back to it's former style, and for a brief time it looked like this would be a short and simple route to recovery.

However, no sooner than when he was finally able to stay awake for more than small sections at a time, they ran into another block.

He refused to eat.

He would turn his head away at every attempt made by the nurse to force food through his dry, chapped lips and into his emaciated body. Until he began eating to allow his body to begin rebuilding his muscle mass, Sakura couldn’t do much more than pump him full of a cocktail of liquid nutrients that would keep his malnutrition from getting even worse.

She tried talking to him, tried bartering with him, and even tried threatening him. Nothing worked.

On day four, Sakura got fed up.

She came quietly into the room and sat a tray of hospital food on the table across his legs. Hidan’s eyes drifted to hers, dull and lifeless as they had been for the past several days. Sakura sighed and took a seat in a stool next to him

It was hard to be angry at someone who looked like they didn’t want to be alive. Who looked like that last thing they wanted was to be sitting in a hospital, being doted on by nurses. Sakura had seen that look on many a shinobi. Mainly, the ones that had been brought in after a suicide attempt.

She _hated_ that look.

Sakura had tried to keep up her reluctant and bitter attitude but all it earned her was a sleepless night of guilt.

Sakura took a deep breath and pushed the table a little closer to Hidan. He glanced down at the healthy ( _boring_ ) hospital food and then back up at her.

“Hidan, please eat. We can’t make any progress until you get some food into your system,” Sakura pleaded gently. Hidan’s eyes fell away and he shook his head. Sakura huffed and picked up the spoon and scooped up a bite of mashed potatoes and held it up in front of him.

“C’mon, open up,” she said. Hidan shook his head again, lips staying shut tight. “Please?” No response. Sakura let out a grumble of frustration and set down the spoon.

“Hidan, I’m trying my best here. You’re my patient and I want you to get better, but I can’t help someone who won’t help himself. You do want to get better, right?” She asked. Hidan was still for a little while before he shook his head, pulling his knees up to his chest and hiding his face in them.

Sakura sighed, feeling her heartstrings pulled smartly.

_God fucking--_

**_‘... Oh my god, NO.’_ **

_‘But--!’_

**_‘SAKURA I WILL NEVER LET YOU FRONT AGAIN IF YOU CONTINUE TO THINK THAT WAY FOR ANOTHER SECOND.’_ **

_‘He is a small marshmallow I can’t stay angry at him.’_

**_‘Ho. Don’t. Do it.’_ **

Sakura gritted her teeth and reached out a hand to place it on Hidan’s head. He flinched slightly and curled up a little tighter, but didn’t pull away.

“Well, Hidan I need you to get better. Konoha needs your help...” Sakura paused and pushed a lock of silver hair away so that she could see part of his face. “Regardless of your past.”

**_‘Oh my god...’_ **

Slowly, Hidan peered at her from the corner of his eye. He still looked miserable, but at least it was a step in the right direction. She picked up the mashed-potato spoon once more.

“Please, just have some food. Do it for me?” Sakura asked, tilting her head a little. As she said that, Hidan’s ears twitched just a little and he pulled his head up from its bowed position, meeting her eyes.

“Please?”

Hidan sighed, gnawed on his lower lip, and _finally_ opened his mouth. Sakura wasted no time in shoving in the mouthful of potatoes. Hidan worked it in his mouth, swallowed and didn't protest to another bite fed to him by Sakura. She grinned widely.

“Great job, Hidan,” she complimented.

**_‘Congrats, you ate a fucking potato. Let’s try not mashing it next time.’_ **

He cleared his tray, and the one brought a couple hours later. He would only comply when Sakura was there, but so ecstatic was she at making any progress at all that she thought nothing of it. Within days of him beginning to eat again, his sallow skin brightened and the bags under his eyes began fading.

And even BETTER, his body finally began gaining back enough muscle mass to be able to function normally.

Sakura took an ungodly amount of pleasure in planning out Hidan’s physical training schedule that night. Was she a sadist? A masochist?

_The world may never know..._

It was another two weeks before Hidan's limbs had fused together to the point where he wasn't in danger of falling apart when he moved. Sakura was anxious to put her recovery regime to the test, so she _maaay_ or may not have taken night shifts to accelerate Hidan's healing with her own chakra while Hidan slept...

Hey, what nobody knows won't hurt them.

After that, she wasted no time in wheeling him down to the rehab ward every day to put him to work. It took over two weeks for him to be able to even walk short distances but Sakura kept up her cheery persona.

“You’re doing great Hidan, keep going.”

“It’ll all be worth it in the end, I promise.”

“Come on, you can do it! Two more!”

Hidan never reacted much to her compliments. He would just toss her a glance and then look back down at whatever exercise he had been tasked to complete that.

 ** _‘He probably hates your guts. It’s like you’re trying to shove buttermilk down a lactose intolerant’s throat. It’s fucking hilarious.’_** Sakura rolled her eyes and tossed the weighted ball back to Hidan. It thunked against his chest and he winced as he closed his arms around it.

“Sorry, that was a little hard,” Sakura laughed sheepishly. Hidan heaved it back and rested his hands back on his crossed legs. The ball hit the ground halfway across the distance between them and rolled the rest of the way.

**_‘I’m pretty sure he knows I’m being a fake-ass bitch. I doubt he cares, we have a mutual understanding that this situation is not voluntary.’_ **

Sakura tossed the ball back, gentler this time, and grinned when Hidan caught it solidly for the first time.

“Nice!”

**_‘You’re treating him like a four-year-old.’_ **

_‘You seem to think that I give a shit.’_

When Hidan tossed it the next time, the ball made it three-quarters of the way before hitting the carpet. 

* * *

“I hope you like eggs, Hidan, because our chef burned all the bacon,” Sakura said as she walked into Hidan’s room and set his breakfast in front of him. Sakura pulled up her usual stool and settled back to wait for Hidan to eat his meal. Hidan stared at it for a moment...

And then crossed his arms and sat back. Alarm bells went off in Sakura’s head.

**_‘HAHA CALLED IT.’_ **

“What’s wrong? C’mon I thought we were past this,” Sakura said, frowning at him. Hidan glanced at her and then swiped his gaze away. Sakura raised an eyebrow.

“What?”

Hidan reached forward and made grabby motions for Sakura’s hand.

“Uhh... Okay,” she said slowly, letting him grab it. He turned her hand over and put the shaky tip of his finger to her forearm.

_‘F... A... K... E... Fake. Fake?’_

**_‘Ooooh he callin’ you out on all your bullshit, Saku-chan.’_ **

“Fake?” Sakura voiced aloud. Hidan pointed at her.

“I’m being fake?” Hidan nodded. Sakura flushed and rubbed the back of her neck.

“Ah, I should probably give you more credit. Then again, I wasn’t trying that hard,” she said. Hidan shrugged a little and put a finger on the edge of his tray to wheel it closer. Sakura sat back and crossed her arms.

“Well, the real me is kind of a bitch and I doubt you’d--”

The sudden crooked grin on Hidan’s face made her pause.

“You _like_ it when I’m being a bitch?!” She blurted incredulously. Hidan’s eyes wandered innocently towards the ceiling and he gave an affirmative bob of his head. Sakura cackled and put a hand over her mouth.

“You are one _weird_ motherfucker,” she said. Hidan gave another head bob and a shrug.

“Well, you asked for my real self, so don’t puss out on me halfway through,” Sakura said, sticking her nose in the air a little.

That day in the rehab ward, the looks they got were hilarious.

“My grandmother can throw further than that, and she’s _dead_.”

“Don’t be a ‘lil bitch, you’ve got at least five more in you.”

“You can’t die yet, we have to stretch.”

Oddly enough, Hidan’s progress suddenly got a shot of adrenaline right to the heart. Sakura had glanced away for three seconds and got a weighted ball smacked right into her chest. She winced and rubbed her left boob, giving Hidan a dirty look. Hidan just smiled and picked at his hospital shirt.

“You little shit...”

A mix of acupuncture and chakra therapy helped his recovery tremendously, his ridiculous regenerative abilities doing many favors as well. Other patients in the rehab ward tossed Hidan jealous looks as their progress moved along at a snail’s pace compared to him. An old lady recovering from a shattered hip even flipped him off once. Sakura had to excuse herself to laugh her ass off in peace in the hallway.

Despite the odd new trust forming between doctor and patient, Hidan never spoke all throughout his primary rehab. Not a peep. That’s not to say Sakura hadn’t tried, because with every failed attempt it only made her determination grow.

For a whole fifty-three days, Hidan was quiet and obedient. Almost the picturesque image of your ideal patient. At the end of it all, he almost looked normal again. Pale, skinny, and with thick scars winding all about him, but... normal. _Ish_. Needless to say, he wouldn’t be winning any beauty contests anytime soon.

On day fifty-four, Sakura walked into his room, clipboard in hand and her stethoscope hung around her neck as usual. Hidan was sitting up in the hospital bed, staring out the window. It was a cool, overcast day and the sky held the threat of rain. His head turned to face her when he heard the door open. The heart monitors beeped steadily and a wilting vase of flowers sat on the table next to the bed.

"Morning, Hidan," she said as she flicked through the papers on the clipboard. By then, it was more for show that anything. She had long since memorized most of the information on the papers. Blood type: B. Height: 183 cm. Weight: 49.4 kg. DOB: Unknown. Age: Unknown. Sex: Male.

Over the course of his stay, Sakura quickly caught onto the fact that Hidan favored her a bit more than the other doctors. It was painfully obvious, even. He would flinch away from evaluations that weren’t performed by her, and even chucked a pillow at one nurse in particular (Sakura didn't blame him, she was known to be rather salty).

She didn't particularly mind; he was her personal long-term case study, after all. Hidan didn't start spouting religious vows to slaughter everyone and Sakura didn't feel the urge to kill him, so all was flowers and sunshine.

She did her normal evaluation, checking his healing scars for infections, listening to his lungs, and doing checks of his neural pathways with her chakra. She sat down at the stool next to his bed and took his hand, having him spread it loosely and let it hover there. She kept her palm on the tips of his fingers and gave a crooked smile after a moment.

“No more tremors. Well done,” she said. She crossed to the closet and picked up a few small weights and passed them to Hidan.

"Same as usual." Hidan nodded idly and gripped the small five-pound weight in each hand as he lifted them rhythmically. That was about his limit for now, but it was progress from when he struggled to hold a spoon, his hands shaking so bad it was useless to even attempt to feed himself. He continued to stare out the window, silent and broody as always. Sakura sat down in a chair and scribbled notes on the clipboard of her observations.

_'Muscle mass increasing at his normal rate. Hasn't spoken yet and keeps staring out the window.'_

She glanced up from her paper and noticed he had already completed most of the weight exercises. _'Shorter completion time for exercises'_ she added. She tucked her pen into her ponytail and stood up. Her movement caught his attention and he paused in the middle of a rep. He tilted his head in a questioning manner, blinking owlishly.

' _Creepy.'_

"I think you can be discharged soon. Your muscle mass is adequate to be able to walk long distances, your vitals haven't changed since the operation and you haven't thrown a single fit. Well done," she said. Hidan's eyes widened fractionally as he stared at her. Sakura hung the clipboard on the foot of his bed and started for the door.

"I'll take care of the paperwork, and if it goes through, tomorrow you'll be a free birdy," she said with a cheeky grin. Hidan rolled his eyes just a little --a motion he had grown very fond of-- and set the weights aside.

* * *

As Sakura entered the hospital early the next morning, she snatched up a packet of an empty check-out template and and a coffee from the lounge on her trek to Hidan’s room. She had meant to do this last night, but had passed out on the couch as soon as she "accidentally" tripped and fell onto it.

When she entered the room, Hidan was curled on his side with his back to her, sleeping peacefully under the influence of a diluted sedative being dripped into his veins. She cut off the drip and replaced the nearly-empty bag with a different one that lacked the sedatives and painkillers. Technically it was her day off, but since Hidan had come into her care, that was a thing of the past; he had become her full time job.

She felt oddly and uncomfortably like a mother hen...

Shuddering off the thought and seating herself in the chair next to the window, she began filling out the paperwork. _'Patient's name; Hidan. Age; Unknown. Sex; Male. Reason for hospital stay--"_

 ** _‘Being an asshole. Put that down, it'll be funny.’_** Inner snickered. Sakura ignored her and scribbled down a small paragraph of the special reason of his incarceration-- er, stay, and she took a sip of her coffee. Why, oh why, did all public coffee taste like shit?

If they had enough money to have HD TVs in every single room, they damned well should have had enough money to buy gourmet coffee beans for the love of _GOD_.

Angrily, she signed her name by _Konoha checkout verified by:_ and clicked the pen closed. The form didn't take long and she stood up, taking it down to the front desk. She asked the secretary to have it processed with higher priority. Since she was the head of the whole hospital, aside from Tsunade, the form was put through in minutes.

Ahhh yes; pulling rank shouldn’t have been as fun as it was, but Sakura was a prideful little shit. She went to the break room for more coffee, sleep deprivation still gnawing at her brain.

As she was walking back to Hidan's room, she passed the little gift shop in the lobby. You know, the kind that only sell “Get Well!” cards and teddy bears that smiled way too widely to be bought for sick people. Flowers too, for reasons Sakura did not have the time to comprehend.

Something in her psychology textbook said that fresh flowers boost the morale of a patient... or whatever. Sakura tapped her chin as she vaguely recalled the wilting flowers in Hidan’s room.

Sakura squinted at the weirdly generous feeling rising in her chest. Quickly the asshole part of her tried to rationalize it.

It _had_ been pretty fucking depressing these last couple days with the sky being in a constant state of “will it rain? Will it shine? Who knows! I’m an asshole!”

It _would_ piss Ino off if she bought flowers from this place (always a plus).

Hidan _could_ use something fresh...

Oh, fuck it.

She bought the cheapest bouquet there (a bundle of yellow daisies and white mums) before trudging back upstairs to Hidan's room.

 ** _'You know, daisies and mums mean purity and truth. You are giving these flowers to a traumatized criminal; Sakura what is WRONG with you?'_** Inner said with a malicious cackle.

Sakura stared at the flowers with a crooked smile on her face as she entered Hidan’s room.  

_‘I doubt Hidan’s ever studied flower meanings. If he does, he’ll probably find it hilarious.’_

Sakura dumped the wilted flowers, replaced the water in the vase and dropped in the fresh ones. Sakura had been adjusting the flowers into a pattern she liked when Hidan's heart monitor began picking up the pace. She glanced down to see Hidan staring up at her with wide violet eyes. She flinched back, a weird little squeak leaving her lips.

"Fuckin’ _Christ_ , Hidan! That's creepy, don't stare at me like that!" She hissed. A tiny smirk tugged at the corners of his lips as he sat up. Amazing... That’s smile number three since his rehabilitation had started-- not that anyone was counting.

"Well, I checked you out, and we can leave any time you like," Sakura said, smoothing down the front of her uniform. "Even now, if you're up for it," she said.

Hidan nodded vigorously, making Sakura snort.

"Alright then, don't wet yourself," she mumbled. She walked over and carefully detached him from the machines that had monitored his health for nearly a month. She turned them off so the lack of a pulse wouldn't trigger an alarm and helped him slowly get to his feet.

“Let me know if you feel unsteady,” Sakura, said, eyeing him up and down. She kept one hand on his bicep and the other on his chest, making sure he didn't fall while he found his balance. He did and politely shrugged off Sakura, pulling his shoulders in on himself. Sakura whacked him lightly in the chest.

“Straighten up or you’ll give yourself kyphosis,” she said teasingly. Hidan expression blatantly told her he had no clue what she was talking about. Sakura gave him a cheeky grin and flicked a stray chunk of hair from her eyes, not gracing him with a definition.

"Alright, follow me," she said, ignoring his confusion, and turning around to head towards the door. Hidan padded close behind, picking at his white cotton clothes that were a size too big on his gangly form. Sakura gave him a pair of cheap sandals from the Lost and Found to wear, and jokingly tried to get him to wear a flowery, floppy sun hat. Of course, he had given her a salty look and batted it away. After he began eating, he had absolutely turned up his nose at the ugly green shift all the other patients had to wear. He went naked for an entire three hours, waiting for something else to wear. For an S-ranked criminal, he did a fantastic impression of a diva. 

She led him down to the lobby and after a short chat with the secretary, they were trekking down the street.

It felt a little... _unreal_ after all the time in the hospital. Hidan's senses were assaulted by sounds and smells. Street food vendors, roadside musicians playing for a few yen, kids playing tag on the road. It was radically different from the quiet and antiseptic smell of the hospital. It almost distracted him from all the people staring at them as they walked by, but not quite. Sakura found it easy to pay them no attention, but Hidan wasn't so confident.

Every pair of eyes on him made him more and more uncomfortable. He suddenly wished for a jacket to cover up the scars on his arms and around his neck. He ducked his head and stuck a little closer to Sakura, trying to force down the panic rising in his chest.

_Please, PLEASE let no one recognize him..._

Sakura didn’t give any reaction to his increasing anxiety; she just grabbed his arm and pulled him down a less populated side street. She didn’t release him until she had yanked him right up to a fruit stand.

"Want anything?" She asked blandly as she chose out apples, pears and oranges, along with a case of strawberries. Hidan hesitated before pointing at a few peaches. Less people, less noise, less smells... Even the fruit vendor barely gave Hidan’s scars a cursory flick of his eyes.

His anxiety ebbed away and he could only hope Sakura could feel how eternally grateful he was for their speedy escape. She raised an eyebrow in amusement but said nothing as she dropped the produce in a paper bag and took out a small brown wallet.

"Thank you Nakamura-san," she said, smiling cheerily as she paid for the fruit.

"Have a nice day Haruno-san," he called after her, a toothy smile on his face. Hidan watched her attitude change from serious and cold to sweet and cheery in less than a minute. He also noticed how her smile faded once the fruit guy was out of sight. It was amazing how perfectly she could hide how brash she really was when she tried.

A cool breeze blew past them, picking up leaves on the street and sending them skittering away. Goosebumps raised on Hidan's arms and he rubbed them idly. His feet and legs were already aching and he had only walked a couple of blocks. It was pathetic, but he _had_ just recently been assembled on an operation table... Sakura brushed her hair out of her face, taking a left on the street.

"My house is just up this way," she said, pointing ahead of her as she turned right on a cross road. Hidan put a hand on Sakura's shoulder and she jumped and stopped.

"What?" She asked. She noticed the look in his eye and a puzzle piece clicked. "Ah, I see. Go ahead," she said, offering her arm. Hidan took it and gratefully leaned some of his weight on her. He was actually a little lighter than her, and with his lack of general body mass, it made it easy for Sakura to keep him on his feet.

They walked for another five minutes before a medium sized white house came into view. A short, wrought iron fence surrounded the front yard. Wilting plants and overgrown grass made for a not-so-pretty picture. She sighed as she opened the fence.

"I need to do some yard work this weekend..." She mumbled to herself, unaware that Hidan had caught her voice. She helped him across the yard and up the porch steps. Resting her back of fruit on her hip and briefly releasing Hidan, she dug around in her pocket until she pulled out a small set of keys and unlocked the door. The knob squeaked loudly as she turned it, and the door wasn't much better. The joints jammed up, so Sakura muscled it open with a hard kick. Scuffed paint near the base of the door suggested that it was a frequent victim of such abuse.

As soon as he walked in, the faint smell of incense reached his nose. It was spicy, maybe cinnamon. Hidan was surprised at how much he liked it... It was a nice break from the intense smells in the village square.

They walked down a short hallway decorated with multiple framed pictures, past a closet and a coat rack that Sakura deposited her lab coat on. On the right, it opened up into a spacious living room with white shag carpet and more framed pictures. A black leather couch sat in front of a wide TV with a coffee table sitting in front of it. At the back, a wide window let in a gray light from the cloudy day and a piano was pushed against the wall, but most of the room was empty space.

Sakura set Hidan gently down on the couch and he immediately pulled away from her, curling in on himself.

**_‘Wow. Not even a “thank you for willingly touching me”? Harsh. Like having a one-night-stand with someone and them not even having the courtesy to make you breakfast.’_ **

_‘Are you listening to yourself?’_

**_‘Well, you’re listening to me, so yes.’_ **

_‘Fucking hell...’_

Sakura heaved an exhausted sigh and walked across the hallway, into the kitchen. She dropped the bag of fruit on an island counter and returned to the living room, kicking her shoes off in the process.

"Okay, first things first, let's lay down some rules," she said, dusting off her hands and standing directly in Hidan's line of sight. He knew eye contact was the easiest way to avoid making her shout so he looked up at her, unblinking.

"Rule number one!” Sakura held up her pointer finger. “You only get to stay here until your rehabilitation is complete. After that, you get the boot. Rule number two.” Her middle finger popped up next to her pointer.

“Stay out of my stuff. You don't snoop in my room, I won't snoop in yours, nothing more, nothing less. I'm not here very often, so don't make a mess." She shifted her weight, and her ring finger came up to make it a trio. Her eyes were sharp, but not harsh, and everything about her body language demanded respect. Hidan felt very small in her presence.

"And rule number three, if I ever, and I mean _ever_ learn that you've harmed anyone in this village... I'll do much worse than just blowing you up and burying you in a hole." Hidan swallowed, ducking his head, no longer able to face her emerald wrath. He had no doubt that she wouldn't back up her threats.

She took a deep breath to calm herself. She opened her vibrant eyes and Hidan was relieved to see they were much less fear-inducing. She pulled out the rubber band holding her ponytail in and a ran a hand through her hair.

“Follow the rules and we’ll get along dandy,” she said, her voice maliciously sweet. Hidan swallowed nervously. Sakura clapped her hands loudly, making him flinch.

"So! I've got a guest room down the hall. Follow me," she said, brushing past Hidan and continuing down the hallway. With her hair down for the first time that day, Hidan was smacked in the face with cool, strawberry scent. It had him carefully pushing himself to his feet and following after her, a weird urge to bury his face in her hair lingering in his gut all the way.

She opened the first one on the left, letting the door swing in to reveal a bathroom. The walls were a shade of yellow that was only a tone and half away from being ugly as hell.

"Bathroom," she said bluntly. She pointed at the end of the hallway where a set of closet doors were.

"Laundry room’s down there. Your room's there and the one across from that is mine. No going in there unless I'm screaming bloody murder or something," she said. The only unexplored door now was the first on the right. Sakura caught him staring at it.

"That last one is... just another bedroom..." She paused and stared it, a faraway look in her eyes, tinged with pain. She shook her head and turned away from the door. "It's also hands-off, by the way. Wanna check out your room?" She asked. Hidan nodded absently.

They walked down the hall to the last room on the left. She opened it and stepped to the side to let him in. It wasn't too impressive. Just a small bed with black sheets, a dresser, and a nightstand, with a window above the bed. A bookcase was shoved into a corner and was stocked full with novels of every size.

"You can deck it out however you'd like, but nothing permanent because this is still my house and you _will_ be leaving after a while," she said, leaning against the door frame and crossing her arms. Hidan stepped into the room, his eyes flicking around and taking in his surroundings. She watched him curiously. Hidan turned back suddenly to meet her gaze, and he held it.

"You're not going to talk?" She asked. Hidan blinked his fuchsia eyes and said nothing.

"Nothing?" Hidan broke off his gaze, his lips pressed into one thin line.

"Not one little word?" She pressed one last time, hoping to get even a single sentence out of him. Hidan's brows furrowed and his eyes were sharp with impatience. Sakura raised her hands in defeat.

"Fine, I won't push. But let this be known, Tsunade-shishou doesn't like it when she doesn't get a reply. Maybe you should take up sign language," she said jokingly, a crooked smirk pulling at her lips. Hidan scowled at her. Sakura took the memo and left.

He sat down on the bed and rubbed his eyes tiredly. His shoulders slumped and his hands tangled in his hair as a long, weary sigh left his lips.


	3. Withdrawal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay sorry I missed last week's update, I forgot to mention I was going on a vacation ^^" 
> 
> Hidan is just progressively getting more fucked up, this is what happens when you give me free-range over a character with no actual background HAHA SEND ME TO HELL NOW
> 
> (Trigger warnings for panic attacks in this upcoming chapter??)

Sakura returned to the kitchen and stared at the clean, empty spaces. Her hands propped themselves on her hips in the way they did when she was thinking. Or trying to imagine what she could _possibly_ put together for dinner when her kitchen was as bare as a baby's ass.  Since her time was evenly split between hospital and missions, that meant that the only food she currently had available was cup ramen. Courtesy of Naruto.

That knowledge didn't stop her from opening her fridge to peer inside, logic be damned.

Imagine her surprise when she discovered fridge had been magically stocked with fresh vegetables and dairy products. Even her _meat drawer_ was full.

What angel of generosity would bestow upon her a gift as fantastical as--

_You're buying me lunch next time we go out, sweetcheeks ;D_

_-Cookie Monster_

... Of fucking course it would be Tatsuki. Sakura smiled to herself and crumpled the note she had found on top of a case of beer. Really, that boy was too good to her.

Sakura hauled out an old cookbook from a cupboard, sneezed away the thick layer of dust on it, and propped it up in the window sill above the sink. A sad sense of nostalgia rolled over her as she flicked through the old, crinkly pages. She remembered the way her little brother would always flip to the baking section and point out the recipe for brownies.

Fumio would roll his eyes and flick to the pasta section, blabbering something about how it was much more nutritious it was than brownies. That would start an argument before her mom came in and cracked heads...

_"It's Sakura's night for dinner! Out of the kitchen, all of you, before I make y'all eat the dirt from the garden!"_

_"But moooom, what if she makes the spinach dish again?"_

_"Then you'll eat it and enjoy it! I, of course, will be eating leftovers from that one sushi place..."_

_"Mom!"_

Sakura violently pulled herself out of those memories with a shudder. She rubbed her temples and fought off the oncoming headache.

Cilantro. She needed cilantro. Cilantro, soy sauce, garlic...

Sakura lost herself in the robotic motions of chopping vegetables and mincing herbs. As was her normal response to unwanted memories or emotions. Focusing solely on a single task and letting the rest of the world melt away.

Unfortunately, that meant that when the doorbell rang in the middle of mincing ginger, she nearly cut her damned finger off. Sakura grumbled and set the knife down, wiping her hands off on the hoodie.

"If it's that damned "body enhancement" salesman again I'm throwing him off a cliff..." Sakura growled under her breath. She stalked to the front door, only a little surprised to see Tatsuki standing there, a bag in his hands. His grin was wide and warm as he waved his hand at her.

"Tatsuki! My magic fridge fairy, what brings you here?" Sakura said amiably, her scowl melting away.

"Hello to you too, Sakura-chan. I was thinking that sushi place that just opened up for the lunch you owe me," he said, a saccharine grin on his face. Sakura rolled her eyes and slugged him on the arm.

"You _said_ sushi but my wallet _heard_ Ichiraku's. Sorry, it's selectively deaf," Sakura said with an airy shrug. Tatsuki snorted and held up the bag he had been carrying.

"Knowing your tendency to hyper-focus on things, I picked these up for Hidan. Just in case your forgot." Sakura raised an eyebrow and dug into the bag to pull out a pair of... boxers.

" _Oh_."

Sakura dropped them back into the bag with a surprised laugh. Her hand came up to rub the back of her head, a sheepish grin on her face.

"Thanks, man. I don't think Hidan would be up for clothes shopping anytime soon," she said. Tatsuki gave a crooked smirk and saluted.

"No problem, Sakura-chan. See you around?" He asked, raising an eyebrow. Sakura rolled her eyes before throwing her arms around his shoulders and giving his cheek an obnoxious smooch.

"Fine. Sushi place on Saturday for lunch," she said. Tatsuki cackled as she dropped back down to her normal height.

"Awesome. See you then." Tatsuki grinned, turned around and stepped off the porch. Sakura shut the door behind him, shaking her head with a small smile on her face.

Naruto had been and always would be her closest friend, but Tatsuki filled gaps that Naruto simply couldn't. Naruto's blind optimism could be overwhelming sometimes, but Tatsuki knew when to get her ass in gear and when to let her be sad.  It was a careful balance she hadn't been able to find in anyone else.

And the fact that Tatsuki was gay as _fuck_ explained a lot about her current lack of a significant other.

Not that she particularly cared.

She sighed and twisted the lock with a small click. The silence of the house pressed around her once more, and Sakura's moment of cheer popped like a bubble. It always did, no matter how gently she tried to handle it. She thumped her fist against the door in frustration and shuffled back to the kitchen.

Depression fucking _sucked_.

At the last second, Sakura took a detour to Hidan's room, the bag of clothes in hand. She knocked twice on the door, trying to shake off the lingering gloom around her. Hidan had plenty of that without hers rubbing off on him.

"Heads up," she said as she walked in. Hidan was still sitting on the bed, but had his back to her as he stared out the window. She raised an eyebrow when he glanced over his shoulder before eyes flicked elsewhere.

_'Wonder what's his thing with windows.'_

_**'Maybe he's secretly a hippy. Him and Shikamaru would get along pretty well if not for the whole "you killed my sensei and then I buried you alive" thing.'** _

_'Inner?'_

**_'Hm?'_ **

_'Do me a favor and not speak.'_

**_'Sure thing, Saku-chan. I'll just be over here, bringing up every embarrassing thing you've ever done. Remember the time you fell out of the tree on that one mission? That was a RIOT.'_ **

_'I hate you.'_

"Change out of those hospital clothes if you want," she said, dropping the clothes next to him and shutting out Inner. "I'll have dinner ready in half an hour or so."  She tilted her head at Hidan, who didn't give much of a response. Not even a nod or shrug.

"Is chicken noodle soup alright?"

A nod.

"Is... the house alright?"

A shrug.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

Hidan waved his hand, gesturing towards her arm. Sakura sighed and extended her arm. She _really_ wished there was a more impersonal way for him to express complicated thoughts.

_L-O-N-E-L-Y._

Sakura's hand jerked in surprised and it was Hidan's turn to look confused.

"You're lonely?" Sakura asked, although there was a part of her that knew that wasn't he meant. Hidan shook his head, not taking his eyes off her.

"The house... is lonely?"

Hidan nodded. Sakura swallowed thickly and snapped her hand back, making Hidan flinch. Her expression morphed into something bitter and Hidan felt a distinct _snap_ of disappointment in himself.

"Well, I can't help that. Get used to it," she said, her voice harsh, before turning around and leaving the room. Hidan ran a hand through his hair and gave it a sharp tug.

 _Stupid_.

He slid across the bed and picked through the pile of clothes. Everything was either black, gray or navy. Was it so bad to have something red or--

_Red hands. Red faces. Red clouds. Red **metal.**_

Hidan was surprised by the sudden nausea that slammed into him. He put down a shirt he had been inspecting and closed his eyes, a hand over his mouth. A shudder started up in his shoulders and spread down his back until he was trembling, hugging himself and trying to get it to _stop_.

He was too cold and too hot at the same time, afraid of the darkness behind his eyes but afraid to open them as well. _What the hell was happening to him?_ He was _scared_ and _alone_ and _why was this happening, why was he so **fucking terrified?!**_

Hidan sat for a good fifteen minutes, trying and failing to stem the onslaught of anxiety and paranoia. Every joint ached, the ghosts of old injuries ( _self-inflicted_ his brain brutally reminded him) making his skin itch and burn.

_Stop, stop, stop, **please** , this was **too much.**_

The panic was slow to ebb away. It would fade and rush back to him like the tide, clamping around him like some monster from the depths, clinging to him with claws and suckers and teeth.It was reluctant to let him go, but through pure will and determination, Hidan pried it away from him.

His skin stopped itching. His joints stopped aching. His spine relaxed. His breathing went back to normal and he _finally_ opened his eyes.

When he uncurled from his protective ball, the only thing he wasn't too exhausted to feel was intense self-loathing.

All that terror over _imagining_ a fucking **_color_.**

He might have been more fucked up than he originally thought... Hidan looked down at his arms only to see harsh red lines scored across his skin from his own nails.

 _Shit_.

Hidan slipped into a long-sleeved shirt, and shuffled out of his room, hoping his didn't look as wrecked as he felt. When he walked into the kitchen, Sakura was cutting vegetables next to the stove, hoodie rolled to her elbows. For the first time ever, he was able to get a full look at the tattoos that had teased him from under her lab coat.

They were obviously used for summoning something, but it was a design he didn’t recognize anywhere. They were curious things, stopping at the crook of her elbow on both forearms, but not quite identical.

The patterns were surprisingly soothing to look at. Graceful curves and intricate knots such a deep shade of black, it was like they had been carved into her skin with shadow, not ink. It almost made him forget about his horrible experience in the bedroom...

Then Sakura turned around to look at him and Hidan realized he had been staring in a direction that was _dangerously_ close to her ass. He flushed to the tips of his ears and looked away, fighting the urge to run and hide. Sakura grinned at his act of shyness and turned back to chopping carrots.

"Well I'll be damned," she said, recent bitterness forgotten. "You look pretty normal when you cover up all those scars." Hidan rubbed the back of his head and stepped a little further into the kitchen. Sakura ignored him and continued her prepping of the meal.

She dropped carrots, onions, and a pile of shredded chicken into the pot, carelessly wiping remnants of food on her hoodie. Almost without noticing, Hidan found himself staring again.

He couldn't help it, there was nothing else for an awkward mute like him to stare at.

Sakura Haruno moved with a certain type of grace that was powerful and alluring. Not like a dancer, but like a panther. Even lost in a menial task like cooking, she moved with pride in her step. Confident in the fact that she could take down anything that came her way.

"You stare a lot, you know that?"

Hidan's thoughts came to a screeching halt. He could almost _smell_ the burning rubber. Before he could follow his previous instinct and slink away like a kicked puppy, Sakura's laughter lit up the room.

"I know I'm hot, but I'm also your doctor and technically, anything beyond a professional relationship will get me fired. Sorry, sweets."

Hidan frowned, slightly offended that she thought that of him. Then that asshole part of him piped up, _"why WOULDN'T she think that? You're a creep!"_

She'd never believe that his interest in her was solely because of her aesthetic, even if he could find a way to express himself. Maybe he _should_ take up sign language...

Sakura put a lid on the pot, wiped her hands once more, and turned to give Hidan her full attention. _(When did attention start making him so damned **uncomfortable?!** )_

"So, I think we should talk a bit about what part two of your rehabilitation will include," she said, a smile like poisoned sugar on her lips. Hidan felt his skin crawl and the panther metaphor came back to him. Sakura rested her hands on the counter behind her and Hidan nervously clenched his at his side, his spine stiff as a lead pipe.

"Part two is getting you battle-ready once more, which will take far longer, no doubt. For the first half of it, it'll be conditioning and reflex training. The second part, which is the fun part, is getting you back into the swing of actual combat." Sakura stared at her nails, rubbing off an invisible speck of dust on her hoodie. "Of course we'll get you fitted for a new scythe. I know the best weapon's master in the country, so that'll be no problem." Sakura glanced up and Hidan and nearly flinched with surprise.

Hidan's entire demeanor had just... _changed_. Had it been the prospect of getting back into the fray? Sakura wished she had been paying better attention to him. Developments like this were _important._

Hidan had gone from nervous and afraid to almost... excited. His eyes lit up, his hands stopped fidgeting, his posture had softened and opened up...

He almost looked like a shinobi again.

Sakura felt her own chakra flicker with excitement. There was a breathless kind of spell hovering over the both of them, and Sakura could _see._ Things that couldn't have possibly been translated with words, things that revealed themselves in how Hidan clasped his hands in front him, in that _gleam_ in his eyes.

An old memory drifted back to her, a conversation with an old veteran shinobi that had died on her table during the war. Dirt and blood covered his clothes, his guts practically falling out of a gash on his stomach, binder torn to shreds. He'd coughed smoke and smiled at her, watching her panic as his life slipped through her fingers.

_Even when we have nothing, we have the battlefield._

Sakura thought Hidan looked remarkably like the old man in the moment: old eyes, thick scars, but with a kind of steel in him that matched her own. That same connection to torn skin and rushing adrenaline, because even if the fight was hell it was what they _knew_ , what they ate, breathed, and sweat since they were old enough to hold a weapon. 

It was a bond they shared--

**_‘OH NOOOO YOU FUCKIN' DON'T.'_ **

Sakura flinched as a sharp stab of pain went through her head. Inner was _quite_ against that train of thought. She was against _anything_ that could possibly mean any feelings towards Hidan that went past cold curiosity. And that thought, clear as day that had passed between their eyes, was _definitely not_ cold curiosity.

Sakura growled under her breath and it broke the spell. Hidan's expression closed and his arms crossed themselves over his chest self-consciously. That connection snapped and that moment of communication was lost, returning them to the state of floundering blindly around for a way to understand each other.

"Uhh... go have a seat in the dining room. This'll be done soon," she murmured, turning away from him. Hidan did as he was told, walking through the doorway to the right of the sink. Sakura kept her silence as she took two bowls from the cupboard and filled them with the contents of the pot.

She followed Hidan into the dining room and caught him staring at the set of shelves displaying her collection of antique weapons. Sakura smiled and placed his bowl on the table, setting hers directly across from him.

"Curiosity killed the cat, you know," Sakura said. Hidan jumped and turned around, looking decidedly guilty. Sakura rolled her eyes and sat down, gesturing for Hidan to do also. She idly considered gathering up the weapons and locking them away, but trashed the idea. When she said antique, she meant _ancient._ Those things could barely cut through soft butter, and would probably fall apart if you touched them. 

Even as Hidan slid into his seat, his eyes continued to wander. He was still in something of a sensory overload. Even simple things like rough surface of the table or the flower pattern on the curtains over the sliding glass door fascinated him. Reacquainting himself with textures and sounds and smells also helped bring him back to earth after that _god awful_ panic attack earlier.

He shivered as a tinge of the fear from before tickled the nape of his neck but he squashed _that_ in a heartbeat.

He frowned to himself and picked up a piece of carrot to close his mouth around it. Unsurprisingly, it was absolutely mouth-watering. A little on the spicy side but he didn't mind that. It was so much better than the cardboard the hospital passed off as food.

He noticed Sakura watching him while she ate her own bowl of soup. The bland, sardonic expression typical of her was, for once, absent from her face. It looked more curious than anything. She noticed that he had caught her staring and a scowl returned. Her head ducked and she went back to eating her meal. Hidan did the same.

He was about halfway done when Sakura stood up and placed her empty bowl in the sink. She yawned and looked at the clock hanging on the wall above the shelves. It read a little past nine. Sakura gathered up her dishes and made her way to the kitchen.

"I'm going to bed, so... er, goodnight," Sakura said, nodding at him awkwardly and vanishing. Hidan blinked and stared back down at his bowl. After a few seconds, he heard a door slam. Now the only sounds were the quiet hum of the AC and the chirp of cicadas outside.

Crossing his arms on the table, Hidan stared off into space and let his soup go cold. Even now, even _weeks_ after being dug up and put back together again, he still couldn't believe how lucky he was.

He was a wreck, he knew he was. The lingering sting from the cuts on his arms reminded him of that. But he was _here_. He was _out_.

Even thought he was under Sakura's full jurisdiction, no doubt with a thousand eyes on him, he had never felt freer.

He found it almost hilarious how a fate that he'd had no choice in he enjoyed more than a path he had carved out himself. His life had been a train wreck from the beginning, but some part of him had possessively tried to defend it. _It was **his** life, he was doing what he **wanted** with it._

God, he'd been stupid. Drunk on power half the time and high on his religion for the other half.

Maybe he did need a mother figure.

A crazy, beautiful, buff, incredibly intimidating mother figure...

He rubbed his eyes and picked up his chopsticks, quickly finishing off his luke-warm soup. Thinking so much so late at night was giving him a headache. He deposited his bowl in the sink, next to Sakura's.

He shuffled down the hall into his room and shut the door quietly behind him. His room was half-swathed in darkness, the only light coming from a crack in the curtains over his bed. He was still for a moment before he walked over to it, crawling over the bed throw the curtains open and flood the room with moonlight. He settled onto the mattress with his legs crossed and his elbows resting on his knees.

He pressed his hands together and rested them against his lips as his eyes remained fixated on the half-moon that peeked through the clouds every once in a while. A heavy rain started up, eventually drowning out the moon, but Hidan still clung to the sky with his eyes.

* * *

 _"Wakey wakey sleepy head! Wakey wakey, up, up, up!"_ Her alarm clock sang. Sakura rolled over and groaned. It was hard to control her monster strength so she didn't crush the hated device, but she managed. It had been a gag gift from Naruto for her birthday and she had grown to hate the thing INTENSELY. She buried her face in her pillow and let out a long sigh.

**_'Get out of bed.'_ **

_'Fight me.'_

**_'You know I will.'_ **

Sakura felt a jerk in the back of her mind and she suddenly had the sensation of being tipped upside down. Her vision swirled, darkened, and when she opened her eyes again, it was like she was staring through a porthole.

_'Motherfucker...'_

**_'I don't know how you haven't learned to take me seriously.'_  **Sakura tried to take control of her body back, but Inner had an iron grip and Sakura's early-morning fuzz was doing her no favors.

_'It's too early for this shit, let me have the body back.'_

**_'Then take a shower, dipshit.'_ **

Inner released her hold at the same same Sakura gave a violent shove, effectively banishing her to the very back of her brain. To be honest, if Inner didn't invade her thoughts almost all hours of the day, she would have curled up and let herself shrivel away long ago. Inner was like an angry personal coach.

That she had never asked for.

Sakura was slow to get ready, as usual. Taking her time in the shower to massage her fingers into her hair, scalp to tip. She moisturized her face and lathered herself up with lotion after getting out of the shower. She put an unnecessary amount of time into her appearance

She found that the more put together she looked on the outside, the less people cared about what happened on the inside. It was a win-win for everyone, _huzzah_.

After finishing her morning routine, she down at the table and pulled out left overs from last night. She didn't bother sitting at the table, instead leaning on the island counter in the kitchen to pick at her cold soup. She flicked on the coffee maker and it rumbled quietly as it began brewing the black gold that fueled her life.

Not that it would make the day anymore appealing.

She would have to put in a request for a long-term leave of absence so that she could focus all her energy on getting Hidan up and running. Already his presence in her family home made her skin crawl.

However, without the long, grueling hours at the hospital to occupy her time, that meant she would have to face...

 _Reality_.

She shuddered at the thought.

She finished off her cold breakfast and put her dishes in the sink (next to last night's dishes that she would neglect to do for at least another week).

Another complication to her day: She'd have to hunt down Tatsuki so he could watch over Hidan while she was away. Tsunade had insisted on having a pair of eyes on Hidan at all times, despite the fact that he could cause as much trouble as a two-legged puppy right now.

She grabbed a paper and pen and scribbled down a short message on it for Hidan, when he woke up.

_Hey Hidan,_

_Sorry I ditched you, I'm gonna enjoy my last day at the hospital before you eat up all my time. There are leftovers in the fridge, go wild. I wouldn't go walking around the village without some kind of transformation jutsu on, what with all the ninja out for your head. You've been taken out of the bingo book, by the way. (You're welcome.)_

_You can do whatever you want, but just know I've asked Tatsuki to keep an eye on you. Sorry, but I trust you about as far as I can throw you. Don't worry, he's cool._

_-Sakura_

_P.S. This is also your last day to have fun before I pile-drive you into the dirt_ (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

Sakura put down the pen and left the note on the island counter for Hidan to see.The medic grabbed her coat and vanished out the door, shutting and locking it behind her.

* * *

Around two hours later, Hidan awoke.

The lack of sterile white walls and harsh lights confused him for a moment. Then it rushed back to him in a wave of memories.

The village. The panic attack. Dinner. _Sakura_.

Right...

He pushed himself into a sitting position and ran a ran through his hair, pushing it back from his face. Even those small motions had him exhausted. His night of sleep rather terrible. He hadn't realized how hard it was to fall asleep without those hospital sedatives.

Hidan stared at the black comforter clenched in his hand and took a few deep breaths. Another day gone. Another battle won.

He could do this.

He slid out of bed and switched out his shirt for the only other long-sleeve that had been in the bag.

Hidan peered out of his bedroom door before venturing into the hallway. There was something about the huge spaces of the house that set him on edge. It struck him as a place that should have been full of life but just...

Wasn't.

_Kinda like Sakura._

With a distinct anxiety gnawing at the back of his head, he padded into the kitchen. The sunlight streaming through the windows eased some of his stupid paranoia.

He noticed Sakura's note on the counter and slid it towards him curiously. His eyes flicked over her untidy (yet graceful? Was that even possible?) scrawl.

_Ah... So THAT'S what was bothering him._

The "lack of life" feeling wasn't just a "feeling." At least there was a reason for it. He had become so used to Sakura's chakra signature flickering around his subconscious that when it suddenly vanished, he was left looking for something that wasn't there.

Hidan didn't quite know when he had become to dependent on her, but is was disconcerting to say the least.

After a quick breakfast of reheated soup, Hidan decided to explore the house a bit more. As long as he stayed out of that one "extra bedroom" and her room, he should be fine.

Hopefully...

Sakura's home lived up to almost every expectation. Neat, but bare, cozy, but impersonal. The only sign of her was a pair of sandals by the door and the pictures on the wall.

Speaking of the pictures...

There were a total of nine in the hall; four on one side and five on the other. There was a small hole in the wall next to them, suggesting that a picture had once hung there, but no longer did. He walked past the pictures, taking several seconds to examine each one. When you're stuck in a house with _hours_ to burn, you find ways to entertain yourself. End of story.

The first one, closest to the door was black and white. It depicted a couple on their wedding day. The man had his arms looped around the woman's waist and his chin rested on her shoulder. A wide grin was plastered across his face and the wife looked at if she were in the middle of a laughing fit. She looked remarkably like Sakura.

The next picture was more recent than the last one. It was a family picture with the same couple from before, expect two young children sat on their lap. The next picture was just like the first, expect three children now sat in the picture. It continued like that for the rest, each picture with one child more. With every child added to the family, Hidan's eyebrows rose a little higher.

_Have these people never heard of birth control?_

Sakura first appeared in the fourth picture. She smiled brightly, her eyes sparkling and she was always hugging one of her siblings. Even through a photograph, he could _feel_ the love that poured out of her; it was contagious. 

In the end, they were a total family of nine. Seven happy siblings and two proud parents. Almost without a conscious thought, his feet carried him to the living room where several more frames decorated the walls.

The first couple were of unknown siblings and they didn't particularly interest him. There was one with Sakura as a young girl with a three other boys. A silver haired man, a blonde boy and a raven that looked like he wanted to be anywhere but there.  The one next to that was taken a couple years later. It was the same silverhead and blonde, but with a different raven, this one pale with a cropped shirt. Another was Sakura as a woman with her jonin certificate in hand and grinning at the camera. That was about the time her tattoos appeared on her forearms. He hit one of the nail holes and then next two were celebration pictures from parties, both with Sakura with a blonde girl, who seemed close to his doctor. The last one was that black haired ANBU captain (Tatsuki?) and Sakura at a festival. Hidan couldn't help the twinge of jealousy that curdled in his stomach at the way Tatsuki smooshed his face right up against hers, an arm resting comfortably around her waist.

Now he had to figure out if it was Tatsuki he was particularly jealous of, or the general idea of a having bond like that with someone.

Hidan was starting to remember why he had turned to something as distasteful as _Jashinism_.

Emotions were dumb.

And so was the uncomfortable tingling sensation in his feet. A telltale sign he had been standing around for too long. Hidan retreated back to his room, clicking the door shut behind him.

Well, since he had hours to burn and nothing better to do, he may as well stop putting it off...

He closed the curtains, encasing the room in a gray darkness and rested his hands on his knees. He took a shaky breath and closed his eyes.

He'd never been very good at meditating. Staying still _and_ quiet? Getting a Tasmanian Devil to join a commune would be an easier task. But to be a shinobi, you needed a functioning chakra system and Hidan's was about as functional as a redneck waterpark.

The less someone used their chakra, the less present their network would be. Eventually, it would just fade away, absorbed into their body; hence the reason ninja training started young. After six years of complete, absolute, 100% _nothing_ , Hidan was surprised his hadn't faded too.

Perks of being immortal, he guessed.

Digging into his core, he found the dim spark his chakra had become and metaphorically blew on it.

And blew.

And _blew_.

... It was a slow process.

Hidan felt a (sadly familiar) twist of anxiety in his gut as he felt out every inch of his chakra system. From his very heart to the tips of his fingers and toes, he searched.

And, unfortunately, found was he was looking for.

It was just a speck, almost nothing compared to the raging disease it had been before Shikamaru had buried him. But it was _still there,_ and that's what terrified him.

The "disease" in question?

The source of every single power Hidan had gained as a Jashinist.

It sat there like a ball of lead amidst a pile of feathers in the core of his chakra system. It was evil. It was sickening. The only thing it brought was _ruin_ and _death_.

_And yet he couldn't fucking kill it._

Well, he could. Especially when it was as weak as it was now. It's just that he **wouldn't**.

Even though it was a cesspool just waiting to plague him like it did before, he couldn't bring himself to snuff it out. It was the only part of his (crazy, fucked up, horrible) past he had left. To get rid of it would mean letting go of his core years of experience and not even the way he abhorred that little speck could make him destroy it.

So he buried it as best he could, locked it away, and prayed there wouldn't be consequences for his actions.

(But of course there would be.)

It was a few hours (with frequent breaks) before he had managed to fan his flame to a steady burn in his chest. The warmth of it spread to every inch of his body and it was a comfort he didn't know he had craved. He wondered how people could just _live_ without a presence like this. The feeling of defenselessness was enough to drive someone mad.

Well, he had already been through  _that_ particular train wreck so he couldn't get any worse...

Hidan vaguely hoped he hadn't just jinxed himself. He knocked on his wooden headboard just in case.

He stretched his arms above his head and slid off the mattress. Despite how tired he was from working with his chakra for _that_ long, his hands were twitching and jumping with a nervous energy.

Again, sitting still and quiet was not an easy combination for him. He stepped out of his room and scratched the back of his head, glancing up and down the hallway. His gaze lingered on the unnamed door a while longer than it should have. Then his eyes went towards the front door. He sighed, his shoulders slumping with defeat.

His wanderlust had always been insatiable.

He walked to the door, jammed his feet into his borrowed sandals and glanced in the mirror that hung on the wall next to the coat rack. His brow furrowed as he stared at his hands, at the rings of scars showing where his fingers attached to his hand and his hand to his wrist.

He couldn't do anything fancy yet but...

His head tilted in concentration as he forced his chakra to flex and mold to his will. Gods, if a _henge_ was this difficult, he was in for a world of hurt from Sakura. (And yet he couldn't find it in himself to dread it as much as he probably should...)

He finished his jutsu and stared at his reflection. Instead of silver hair, he had a head of short, black hair and his jaw had softened somewhat. He frowned when he realized his eyes were still the shade of a boysenberry. He didn't quite know why, but changing his eye color had always been difficult. Like trying to uproot a century-old tree. Not impossible, but painful and _wrong._

He frowned but let it be, not having it in him to mask that as well. He unlocked the door and opened it, stepping outside. To his surprise, the ANBU captain from yesterday was leaning against the railing around the porch and whistling to himself. A small sparrow sat perched on his shoulder but took flight when he opened the door. Tatsuki watched him fly away.

"Shame. I was having such a wonderful conversation," he said with a shrug. Hidan frowned in a questioning manner as he shut the door behind him with a gentle _SCREECH._ Tatsuki was dressed casually in a sleeveless green yukata tucked into drawstring pants, worn loosely so that his chest was bared to the world. He wore an easy smile that didn't match his mussed black hair or freckled nose and cheeks.

"The name's Tatsuki," he said as Hidan walked past him and down the porch steps. Hidan didn't reply and Tatsuki followed after him, keeping his silence as well. Using his memory, he managed to navigate his way back to the village square. Maybe he could find his way to a park from there...

He had intended on making his way through the busy part of town as fast as possible, but it was surprisingly calm. Everyone must have had places to be after the lunchtime rush. Coupled with the comfort brought by his henge, he almost enjoyed watching strangers barter at stalls. In fact, he _did_ enjoy it. The hum of conversation was like a melody in and of itself. Hidan stared at the sky, feeling the wind dance over his skin. His six-year imprisonment had given him an utmost appreciation for the simple things in life. Wind. Sun. Conversation.

"It's nice isn't it?" Tatsuki said, interrupting his train of thought. Hidan glanced at him out of the corner of his eye before dropping his gaze to the ground. Tatsuki's smile was still sitting on his face, though it had grown into a grin and his arms were tucked behind his head in a relaxed manner. He struck Hidan as less of an ANBU assigned to keep an eye on him and more and a weirdly clingy puppy.

"You should see this place in the spring, it's great. We've got a whole bunch of cherry blossom trees scattered around, and for a solid  _week_ you can't walk ten feet without scraping petals off your shoes. Oh! The  _setsubun_ festival is also then too, and it's the  _only_ time Midoriya-san sells his dorayaki. It's  _so good,_ I can't find anyone else that makes it like he does..."

Eventually, Tatsuki's words faded in with the other voices on the street, a low and calming babble. Hidan was almost at in a perfect state of ease and relaxation (which did _not_ come easy) when a massive crash just a few yards down the street made him jump out of his _fucking skin_.

Someone went flying through the window of a small restaurant and tumbled across the street. An angry redheaded kunoichi stormed through it, looking like she was on a rampage and out for blood.

No, not like. She _was_.

Her cheeks were flushed red as she went after a creepy looking guy who was whimpering in fear and trying to crawl away.

"THREE TIMES! I GAVE YOU _THREE CHANCES_ TO CUT YOUR SHIT OUT, YOU CREEPY FUCKING--  _FUCK!_ " She yelled, grabbing a plank of wood and stomping after him. Tatsuki sighed and dropped his hands.

"If you don't mind, I have some idiots to sort out," he said, walking after the redheaded. Hidan stepped back, feeling his way along the wall to slink into an alleyway. He didn't want to be there when the bloodhound found its target...

Suddenly, he felt himself bump into someone. He turned around and saw a blonde woman looking just as surprised to see him.

"Oh, sorry," she said, smiling as she stepped back and out of his personal space. She turned her attention to the commotion going on in the middle of the street. She chuckled and crossed her arms.

"Oh Karin, always giving feminists a bad rep," she said, shaking her head. She looked back at Hidan, a small smirk on her face. "You must be new here, I haven't seen you around," she said. Unable to come up with a better answer, he just nodded, turning back to look at the fiery redhead. Tatsuki was now trying to talking to her, stepping in front of her to protect the pathetic manchild. He was currently attempting to hide under a jewelry stall.

"Not much of a talker, huh? Eh, I know worse. I'm Ino, by the way," she said, shrugging.

"Oh so now you're taking his side?!" Karin screeched.

"You know that's not what I meant!"

" _FUCK_ YOU." Tatsuki ducked as the girl, now known as Karin, took a swing at him. It looked like she would preoccupy him for a while longer. Distracted by the fight, Hidan didn't notice the man currently approaching them from behind. Ino _had_ , however.

"Hey, Shikamaru," she said amicably. Hidan's blood froze in his veins and his fingers went numb with shock. Every syllable echoed in his ears, like the chime of a bell. 

_Shi-ka-ma-Ru._

He turned slowly to see the face that had haunted his nightmares for six long, _agonizing_ years.

 _"Jashin isn't your god anymore,_ **_I am._ ** _"_

Cold brown eyes had danced around in night terrors that left him gagging on dirt and chewing his own tongue to shreds. Shikamaru taunted him from the top of the hole, flicking that silver lighter on and off. The explosion would ring in his ears, mingling with a cold, hollow laughter that had driven him fucking _insane._

Hidan had lost his sanity in stages. First came the cursing of everything in existence, the blinding rage and the overwhelming desire to tear the person who had done this to him to _pieces._ But as the silence pressed in around him, the weight of hundreds of pounds of earth and stone, he had to face the facts.

He had _lost._

He was _weak._

He couldn't even begin to count how many times he had broken down, begging for forgiveness from Jashin, from the Kami, _anybody_ who would listen. 

_I'll do anything, please, **please** , just get me out of this hole._

Except _nobody had._

Hidan doubted he would ever be able to shake the feeling of having left something behind when he was dug up...

He felt the brunette's eyes slowly travel in his face... and then glance away. The relief was overwhelming, but it didn't come alone. Hidan swallowed, his shoulders shaking, his throat closing up--

_Nonononono **no** , not here, **please** not here, not in front of **him**._

He took a small step away from Shikamaru, desperately looking for some place he could escape to before the terror cripple him again. Shikamaru and Ino took almost no notice of his crisis, too amused by Karin's distracting rampage.

"Karin stirring up trouble again?" He asked, looking at Ino. She rolled her eyes and nodded.

"I think that guy tried hitting on her. Maybe grabbing her butt or something... He did look like the type," she said.

"Hm." Shikamaru grunted in reply.

Without warning, Shikamaru's fist swung around and cracked Hidan hard across the jaw. His already-shaky legs gave out on him and he hit the ground, a hand flying to his freshly split lip. His unsteady henge snapped like a rubber band. _Stung_ like one, too.

"I would know those eyes anywhere. What the hell are you doing here?" Shikamaru spat.

"Shika, what the hell?!" Ino snapped.

"Open your eyes, Ino," he shot back. Ino glanced at Hidan and her eyes widened, a hand slapping over her mouth out of surprise and horror. Hidan couldn't tear his eyes away from the hurricane of fury that was Shikamaru Nara.

His trembling worsened, spreading down his arms and legs until he felt like he would shake to pieces. A mind-numbing fear gripped his brain, his heart, his lungs, making breathing near impossible.

Shikamaru looked like he could kill. Finish the job, snuff him out for _real_ this time--

And he still couldn't take his _damned eyes_ off the walking nightmare.

"Yeah, they dug him up. And now he's walking around the village, as if he owns the damned place," he snarled.

 _He's gonna kill me, he's gonna kill me, he's gonna kill me, **he's gonna kill me**_. Hidan curled up in the tightest ball he could manage, white-knuckling his sleeves and practically vibrating with terror.

"Shikamaru, back the hell off before I break my foot off in your ass."

 ** _Tatsuki_**.

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me, punk."

Hidan felt a pair of hands rest themselves on his bicep and between his shoulder blades. He flinched violently away from the contact, despite the way his entire brain was screaming for that physical reassurance that he was still in one piece.

"Hidan, is it alright for me to take you away from here?" Tatsuki spoke gently. Hidan nodded, but he wasn't sure it could be translated past his ugly shivering. However, Tatsuki seemed to get it because he felt the ground drop out from under him in the telltale style of a shunshin.

The sun faded away, the sounds of the village square faded away, and even some of the fear faded away. Instead, he could hear the buzzing of insects and smell... honeysuckle?

Hidan chanced a look outside of his shell of safety, only to gawk at the most gorgeous garden he'd ever seen. He was sitting on a pebbly path that lead to a small koi pond, and Tatsuki was crouching in front of him. His ocean eyes were wide with concern, inspecting Hidan intensely, but for some reason, his skin didn’t crawl in the way it normally did when someone looked at him like that. Hidan waited for Tatsuki to say something. Offer him sympathy or mushy comfort, or something dumb like that.

“You want something to drink?”

... What.

Hidan nodded jerkily, his shaking not quick to dissipate. Tatsuki stood up and walking past him, and into whatever building was behind him. He heard a shoji slide open and closed and then the only thing he was left with was the sound of bubbling water and a bird whistling in the distance.

The scenery was nice, amazing even, but it couldn’t scrub the feeling of being absolutely _violated_ from his skin. In the few seconds he’d been under Shikamaru’s burning gaze, it was like he’d been stripped the bone.

His cheek throbbed with pain, and the smear of blood on the knee of his pants was making him nauseous. He groaned and  buried his face in his arms. Instead, he focused on riding out the tremors under his skin. _Deep breath in, long breath out..._

By the time Tatsuki came back with two mugs of tea (sweet tea, his favorite. How’d he know?) and sat down on the ground in front of him, Hidan had calmed himself down for the most part. The inevitable numbness settled over his shoulders and he wanted nothing more than to lay down in the garden and let himself decompose.

(Unfortunately, he had more than proven that he wasn’t exactly _biodegradable_.)

Hidan wrapped his fingers around the offered mug and sagged into the more relaxed position of criss-crossed applesauce.

To his credit, Tatsuki let Hidan sit in silence for several minutes. He didn’t ask him to move from the ground or tell him what the hell happened. He just sipped his drink, a bird alighting on his shoulder every once in a while.

Sights. Sounds. Smells. The burn of the ceramic against his fingers and the feel of a grass and gravel underneath him helped push away that numbness.

And then came the self-loathing that seemed mandatory. He felt so weak, being _babied_ like this. Whatever pride he had left promptly packed its bags and left. 

_Stupid, stupid, stupid._

"Feeling better?" Tatsuki finally asked. Hidan glance up and then back down at his mug. He shrugged one shoulder and placed his empty teacup on the ground.

"That's better than nothing, I guess. You like my garden?" Tatsuki gestured around him with wide arms. "There's a seal influencing the land so that everything blooms year-round. Designed it myself."

Hidan took another long look around him, this time able to take it in without panic twisting his vision.

Behind him was a small one story house, and a pebble path led from the back porch to the koi pond. It wasn't a particularly large area, but the sheer amount of greenery made it feel like you were in a forest. It was entirely enclosed by tall fencing, allowing a creeping vine to crawl up it and two tall, leafy trees cast their shade over the pond. Flowers splashed colors everywhere, every shape, shade, and size possible.

It was the very _epitome_ of peaceful. For the first time since he'd been dug up, Hidan felt completely at ease... No expectations to live up to, no one to judge him, nothing to prove.

Tatsuki finished off his tea as well, and set the cup beside Hidan's.

"So I hope you don't mind if I ask a question or two, my friend?" Tatsuki said. Hidan felt like he should have been set on edge or suspicious, but he was both too exhausted and too comfortable to do so. Tatsuki wouldn't interrogate him.

_But he is an ANBU captain, moron._

God dammit. Why couldn't he just let himself be lulled into a false sense of security like everybody else?

Despite the spike of paranoia in his gut, he nodded to Tatsuki's question. The said man grinned in a childlike manner, resting his hands on his pointy knees.

“So, no offense, but do you have any real idea of what just happened?” He asked. Hidan blinked. Then he wavered his hand in a so-so gesture.

“Has it happened before?”

Hidan nodded and held up one finger.

“So one time. Recently?”

Another nod. Hidan was surprised at how well he was conversing with Tatsuki. He figured that _any_ conversation he’d have in the foreseeable future would be awkward with his little speech impediment, but it was as if it didn’t exist.

“Well those are called panic attacks. They suck, I know. I used to have them a lot when I was younger. Lucky you, I also know how to cope with and overcome them.”

Hidan outright balked at that.

There couldn’t be any possible way to overcome something like it. It had felt like a hurricane both times, and you can’t just _fight a fucking hurricane._

“That face his hilarious, bro. I’m serious though, listen up.” Tatsuki shuffled a little closer, eyes carefully on Hidan to gauge his reaction. Hidan was doing the same thing, eyes flicking over his hands, his face, his torso. There was a slow crackle of tension in the air before Hidan broke it by staring at his feet.

Tatsuki was just so _open_. Hidan didn’t think that boy could hide anything even if he tried. He wondered if his status as ANBU captain was a gimmick...

The pair “conversed for well over an hour. The conversation flowed from breathing techniques, to possible triggers of Hidan’s panic attacks (some of Tatsuki’s as well), to tea recipes, to what living like Sakura was like, to how to survive a bear attack.

In the middle of that last topic, out of nowhere, a lizard appeared in a puff of smoke on Tatsuki’s head. Hidan jumped violently at its sudden entrance, but Tatsuki barely blinked.

“What do you want, nerd?” Tatsuki said with a lopsided grin. Spines on the side of the lizard’s head flared for a moment.

“Watch yourself, kid,” it said in a high, feminine voice. “Boss needs ya. Says he’s got a mission for ya. Later _nerd_.”

The lizard disappeared as soon as it had come. Tatsuki laughed at Hidan’s spooked demeanor and pushed himself to his feet.

“Well, duty calls. I’ll take you home though. Boss would come get me himself if it were serious.” He held out a hand to Hidan and pulled him to his feet. “Feel free to come here whenever you want. My doors are always open.” Hidan nodded, feeling a small smile curl at his lips. Home suddenly didn't sound like a bad idea.


	4. Incongruous

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoops I'm renaming all the chapters hahaha  
> This is a work in progress, please bear with me =A=
> 
> (Trigger warnings for mentions of rape in this chapter... sorry guys)

Hidan shut the door behind him as he stepped into Sakura's house and heard the lock click behind him. From the outside.

He wasn't quite sure if Tatsuki was concerned for his health or the rest of the village's. Hidan decided he didn't care, because if he did, he might've been more offended than he already was.

His throbbing jaw reminded him that he had just been _sucker punched_ in the face and it probably didn’t look any prettier. What was he supposed to do with a bruise again?

God, it had been a while since he’d had pain that he wanted to go away _faster_. He didn’t even remember much about self care other than your organs should remain _inside_ your body and copious amounts of blood was bad. Bruises... Did you apply heat? Cold? A cream?

Oh for fuck’s sake.

His face felt heated and flushed, so maybe ice was a good idea... Hidan padded into the kitchen and opened the fridge and located a package of frozen peas. That would have to do... Hidan then shuffled into his bedroom to sulk.

Now that Shikamaru wasn't scaring the shit out of him with with his blazing eyes, his brain had the capacity to be as bitter as it wanted to. All he wanted was a calming walk through the park and but _noooooo_ , SOME people couldn’t let things go.

Even Hidan knew that that train of thought was ridiculous and likely to get him stabbed if anyone ever heard it.

Hidan turned on his side and tucked his arm under his head, letting the pillow support the makeshift ice pack on its own. Already the pulsing was fading away, so perhaps his stab in the dark had been a lucky one.

Amazing. He was living in the house of one of the most talented medics in the country and he didn’t know how to take care of a bruise. The irony was so great, he cracked an honest-to-god grin as he traced shapes into the folds of the comforter. A circle. A sheep. An hourglass. A triangle--

He got the sick feeling in his stomach and quickly decided to find a new activity to entertain him. Being house-bound fucking _sucked_. Despite the lingering ache in his bones from being freshly re-joined, he would have rather runs laps than just _sit here_ with absolutely _nothing_ to do.

Well, “nothing” might have been a bit of an exaggeration. There was the giant bookcase sitting _eight feet from him_.

Hidan made a face. He’d never been much of a reader, but at this point he was willing to do anything to kill the time until Sakura came home.

Sliding off the bed (and leaving the ice pack all on its lonesome), he crossed to bookshelf and stared at the novels assorted there. It was neatly organized alphabetically by the author's last name. Except the bottom shelf, which seemed to hold mostly photo albums and a small grid assortment of scrolls.

He looked at the albums, naturally more curious after them than the novels at the top. He pulled one out and quickly flicked through it. He lost interest quickly, realizing this was from decades ago. He pulled one from the middle. This one was more recent, documenting the life of Sakura's oldest sibling. Akihiko was his name. He had pale blonde hair and brown eyes, looking almost nothing like Sakura. Knowing her, these were probably in order from oldest to newest. He remembered from the photos she was the fourth child. He counted down to the fourth album, pulling it out and opening it. It was probably a little snoopy to be rooting around in childhood photo albums, but she had never said anything against him snooping in his own room.

Loopholes were one day going to get him murdered...

The first picture was of an ultrasound. Her birth certificate was in there too, but in a clear sleeve that could be removed if necessary. Hidan settled into a more comfortable position on the ground. There were several, "Sakura's first!" pictures. First ice cream, first birthday, first booboo, the list went on. There was a lock of hair in a small baggie in those pages too and he quickly flicked past those. It felt a little creepy, like being a stalker. However, his curiosity was a little unhealthy too.

She was so stoic and cold, that even the smallest glimpse into her past felt like discovering Atlantis. Hidan’s curiosity had gotten him into plenty of trouble before. (Kakuzu had beheaded him and hung him from a flagpole for three days after he was caught snooping in his room at the Akatsuki base. _He had just been looking for shampoo, it’s not his fault that the old creep kept a disturbing collection of pictures of lewdly dressed nobles..._ ) However, ever since he was a small child, his curiosity and restlessness had been his fatal flaw.

So, like an idiot, he kept flipping through the album.

Sakura's life went past in several snapshots. There were copies of the framed pictures in the living room glued in there too. Sakura's graduation from the academy, Sakura with a cat named Tora, every birthday up until she was... seventeen. He frowned. The rest of the book was blank. He put that one back and checked the next one. The pictures stopped at the kid's fifteenth birthday. The next album stopped at ten, then at nine, then six, and then at four. He got a foreboding feeling and put the albums back, making sure they looked exactly as they had been.

He glanced at the titles and skimmed over the spines of the books above him. His eyes came to rest on a short, but thick, bright blue book. He slid it from the shelf. Curiously, the covering had been stripped, leaving a plain blue cover with the title inscribed in curly gold writing. He returned to the bed, trying to forget about the albums, flipping it open to the first page and replacing the ice pack on his cheek.

* * *

"Hidan? I'm back!"

Hidan jumped nearly a foot in the air, just barely refraining from launching the book across the room. The book that he loved and hated in equal measures because _holy shit why did she have to die, that was uncalled for, what monster **wrote this absolute SIN?!?**_

Hidan rubbed his eyes, which were dry from staring at the pages for... what the fuck, did that clock say _eight?!_ That meant he had been in there for nearly a whole five hours. The ice pack had long since lost its refreshing chill and he had returned it to the freezer. By then, the swelling wasn't nearly as bad but it had darken into a purplish green color. He heard a knock on the door before it opened and Sakura's signature head of pink hair poked through. Her eyes glanced down to the book he was halfway through and then back up to his face. She broke out in a knowing grin.

“If you think that’s bad, you should read the next one,” she said with a huff. Hidan frowned and dog-eared his page, setting it aside. He carefully turned his head away, hoping she wouldn’t notice the gross bruise on his face. Sakura stepped into the room and leaned against the doorframe.

"Honestly, I expected you to be playing with my knives or something. One of my coworkers nearly had a panic attack when I mentioned I left you home alone,” she said with a rough laugh.

Hidan glanced up, risking Sakura seeing his bruise to catch a glimpse of her crooked smile. However, his blood ran cold when his instead fell on her appearance. Sakura's lab coat was torn slightly at the shoulder and spattered with blood.

 _Redredredredred_...

Hidan shivered and quickly ducked his head, staring at his hands, like Tatsuki had suggested. Pale, skinny, white, _clean_. Sakura immediately picked up on her mistake and flinched.

"Sorry. I should probably clean up," she said, realizing her mistake and beginning to back out of the room.

_'Note to self: Hidan has a blood trigger.'_

Sakura ducked out of the room for a few seconds, using the time to shuck her lab coat and throw it into her large pile of dirty clothes. She padded back to the room to check to make sure Hidan wasn’t having a breakdown. She was relieved to find he had stood up and was returning his book to the self.

**_‘Neat freak.’_ **

Sakura huffed and shuffled a little closer, pretending to admire the plain bookshelf as Hidan was.

"You're free to read any of these," she said, crossing her arms over her chest. She abruptly seemed to come to a realization, and crouched down to pull a photo album from the bottom shelf, all the way on the right. Probably one of the most recent ones. "Except for this one," she said, standing up once again, the album tucked against her chest. She chuckled lightly as she stared at the books, a fond smile on her face. Hidan shifted his weight from foot to foot. Sakura flicked her gaze to him.

Head down, shoulders hunched, eyes flicking everywhere but at her, hands fidgety...

It was hard to believe this person was someone capable of murder. Capable of even harming a _fly_.

“You’re... something different, Hidan,” she blurted. “For the life of me, I can’t understand why.” Hidan’s oddly colored eyes flicked to her from the corner before running away again. He bit his lip and did his normal gesture for her hand.

Sakura blinked and slowly extended her hand, palm up. Her heart fluttered with anticipation. _What would he say, what would he say?_

 _I-m r-e-p-e-n-t-i-n-g._ Sakura’s held tilted. Repenting?

Hidan’s list of confusing and enigmatic gestures only grew. Sakura resisted the urge to sigh. If she thought any part of this rehabilitation assignment would be easy, she was only further convince that she was _wrong_.

"I... see," she murmured. She lost herself in thought on habit. What could he possibly mean by, “I’m repenting”? He seemed to be doing a lot more shying away than actual _repenting_.

All Sakura’s internal analyzing had distracted her from the fact that Hidan still hadn’t released Sakura’s hand yet. Only when he began brushing his thumb lightly around Sakura’s tattoos did she blink and actually _look_ at him.

Sakura stiffened but remained completely still as Hidan studied the black markings with curious eyes. His gaze flicked upwards to her and he raised a questioning eyebrow.

“They’re summoning tattoos,” Sakura said jerkily. Hidan’s brows furrowed, denoting that that wasn’t quite the question he wanted answered. Sakura pulled her arm from his grip and gave him a cheeky grin to hide how uncomfortable the little exchange had made her.

“Maybe you’ll find out what they summon when you’re strong enough to battle me,” she said with a wink and a point of her finger. Hidan grunted in disappointment. He turned to sink into his waiting bed. Sakura watched him and her eyes narrowed. She put a hand on his shoulder and spun him back to face her.

"What's this?" She clucked, pointing to the bruise on his cheek. She cocked an eyebrow at him. Hidan looked decently ashamed as he bowed his head, turning the injury away from her. Sakura huffed and took her chin in her fingers and turned his head back to her. He still avoided her sharp gaze, fidgeting lightly with the hem of his shirt.

“ _Really_ , Hidan, I left for a few hours and you’re already getting banged up. Ya big baby.” Sakura rolled her eyes and pressed the tips of her fingers lightly to the bruise, making him wince. She flushed her fingers with chakra and mended the wound in a few seconds. Once the last traces of purple had faded from his skin, she retracted her hand to place in on her hip.

"Just tell me about these things, it saves a bunch of trouble in the long run." Sakura gave him a once-over that felt oddly like she was flaying him alive with her gaze. Hidan didn’t know whether to shrink away or _enjoy_ it.

“I’d bet tomorrow’s lunch that that pretty shiner was a gift from Shikarmaru,” she asked bluntly. Hidan flinched at the sound of his name, but the shocked and mortified look on his face was all the proof Sakura needed.

"Sheesh, there are some wrinkles to iron out between you two," she muttered.

**_‘Wrinkles the size of fucking MOUNTAINS. Oh... Oh my god.’_ **

_‘Don’t.’_

**_‘Well, if that’s the case then you could say--’_ **

_‘I WILL KICK YOU OUT I SWEAR.’_

**_‘--Their relationship is quite... Rocky.’_ **

Sakura’s disapproval and disgust was so strong, Hidan could feel it. He backed away, fearing he had somehow pissed off the goddess before him.

The goddess of mood swings and creepily accurate jabs at his daily activities. _Yeesh_.

“I’m gonna go... to... bed...” Sakura grunted through gritted teeth. Hidan nodded and slowly backed into his bed, slightly paranoid that any sudden movements would set her off. Sakura turned jerkily and made her way to the door.

"I'll be in my room if you need anything," she said. Hidan nodded again, slowly pulling his duvet up to his chin in a similar manner to a small child. Sakura paused and looked over her shoulder.

"Oh, the Hokage wants to see us tomorrow," she piped. Hidan nodded for what felt like the millionth time. "I'll wake you up early tomorrow, so you can get ready," she said before she shutting the door. Hidan blinked at the sudden darkness around him and fell back onto his pillow with a muted plop.

He curled under his covers and waited for Sleep to find him.

Sleep was in no hurry whatsoever.

Sleep was an _asshole_.

* * *

_“Hidan, stay here, and no matter what you hear, stay down!”_

_“But mom, what’s--?!”_

_“I said stay DOWN, Hidan!”_

_Too overwhelmed with fear and confusion, Hidan did as his mother told him too and tucked his small body into the small space beneath the floorboards. He resisted the urge to cough at the dust that swirled around him, clasping a hand over his mouth. For a moment there was nothing but the screeching of furniture and his mother’s fearful, ragged breathing. He blinked away tears at the sound, covering his mouth now to hide not a cough, but a sob._

_A minutes passed. Hidan shivered. Maybe it would hurt to just take a peek--_

**_BAM._ **

_His hand flinched away from the hatch and he hiccuped with fear. His mother screamed._

_“No, stay away! Leave us alone, we have nothing for you to take!” There was a smashing sound and a rough, roaring laughter filled the room._

_“Oooooh! Akiteru look, this hamlet has some beauties after all!” There was a series of heavy steps on the wooden boards and Hidan followed the shadows with his eyes._

_“Eh, she ain’t really my type. You have your fun, I’m gonna go see what else this shithole has to offer.” There was another laugh and Hidan heard his mother’s ragged breathing suddenly change pace._

_“You stay the HELL away from me!” There was the light whistle of something being swung through the air and the smack of it hitting flesh, but no grunt of pain._

_“Oh sweetie, that’s cute. I like that look of rage, it turns me on~” His mother screamed again and her panicked footsteps went for the door, only to be halted by the intruder._

_“Oh no, darling, you ain’t goin’ nowhere.”_

_“No, let go of me you filthy pig! Let GO!”_

_Hidan covered his ears, but the shrieks and sobs his mother let out seared into his brain as if his hands weren’t there. The dull thunk of his mother being forced to the ground reverberated through his bones. They were right on top of him, **why was this happening?!**_

_Hidan let out a small, gasping sob but it was quickly drowned out by his mother wailing in agony. His hands pressed tighter, as if he were trying to squeeze out his very brain._

**_Please stop, please stop, please stop--_ **

_“OW! Ya fuckin’ bitch, quit it!”_

_“You foul, loathsome, fucking cockroach of a human being! You’ll rot in Hell! You’re the scum of the earth, you BASTARD!”_

_“Oh for fuck’s sake, just SHUT UP ALREADY.”_

_There was an awful crunching noise._

_“Oops...”_

_His mother wheezed, gasped, choked, and fell horribly, frighteningly, **sickeningly** silent. The only sounds after that were the gross grunts of the man above him and the steady ‘drip drip’ of blood through the floorboards._

_Hidan felt the distinct urge to throw up. Or cry. Or die. Maybe all three._

_“Mama...” He mouthed, his voice broken. “Mama... Mama!”_

_A few second later, the man sighed and stood up and there was the quiet jingle of a belt being buckled._

_“Oi, Akiteru! I’m done!”_

_Silence._

_“Teru?”_

_A new pair of footsteps join the room. Quiet, soft footsteps that were only heard from the echo way the floorboards creaked under the newcomer’s weight._

_“Who the hell’re you?”_

_“How foul... Normally I’d save my sacrifices for someone more tasteful, but someone with your brand of Twisted is almost a rarity.”_

_“What are you--”_

_SSHHK!_

_The man collapsed to the ground with a THUMP-PLOP sort of noise. The heavy ‘thump’ of his body hitting the ground and the lighter ‘plop’ of his head hitting the ground and rolling away. There was a hollow chuckle._

_“Gross.”_

_Hidan was shivering so hard, his heart pounding so heavily, it was a miracle the newcomer didn’t hear him. The quiet footsteps moved around the room for a little bit, coming to a stop right above Hidan’s hiding spot (giving him a heart attack in the process) before moving on and out the door._

_Hidan’s breaths heaved from his chest, fear and horror and sadness and **anger** enveloping him all at once. There was nothing but the dripping of blood at his feet and the sound of crackling flames._

_That’s funny, he didn’t remember lighting the fire that night..._

_Hidan slowly straightened from his defensive huddle, putting his hand on the hatch. Why was his mother so quite, why was something burning, **why hadn’t the blood stopped dripping.** He had to know. He HAD to know..._

_Just a peek, just to see if it was safe._

_Hidan pushed the wooden hatch open and was immediately assaulted with the sight of his mother splayed out, head not inches from him, blood pooling over the floor from a violent dent in her head._

_“Mama...” His voice still didn’t work. Neither did his arms or legs, it seemed. “Mama!” He managed a croak. He reached out a shaking hand, only to shriek when a dark-skinned hand came out of nowhere and snatched him._

_Hidan was bodily yanked out of his hiding spot, knees banging painfully on the edge._

_“Look what I found! A brat!” A voice said. The same voice that was responsible for the dead man a few feet from his mother. Hidan let out a desperate yell and sank his teeth HARD into the hand that held him. The man grunted in pain and dropped him, but with a careless flick of his wrist that told Hidan that he was released on purpose. Hidan stumbled back and stared into flat green eyes. A Cheshire Cat smile bared large white teeth at him._

_“Was that your mother, dear boy?” The man purred, curly white hair framing a dark, dark face. Hidan didn’t know what to say. It was like he was so overwhelmed his body had just decided to shut down on him. The man chuckled and swung a scythe (a scythe?!) around to rest in over his shoulders. His eyes appraised Hidan, a sneaking smile on his full lips. He seemed to come to a decision._

_“Doesn’t it just... **enrage** you, how you couldn’t do anything?” He purred. But his voice didn’t match his body. It was rough and low and sounded like a knife dragging over stone, not distinctly male nor female. It seemed to echo from all around._

_“Y... yes...” Hidan whispered, his voice no more the a hoarse crackle._

_“Don’t you want revenge?”_

_“Yes...”_

_“Don’t you want POWER?”_

_“Yes!”_

_“Ooh, delightful! Come with me boy, I’ll give you everything your little heart desires.” The mysterious man with the quiet footsteps held out the hilt of his scythe. Hidan stared at it._

_“Take it, boy.”_

_Hidan wrapped his fingers around the worn leather. Almost immediately, he felt a violent tug on a very sacred, very vulnerable part of him. Somewhere that couldn’t be seen, deep in his chest._

_There was a wry, bell-like laughter floating all around him. In invaded his mind like worms, like a **parasite**._

_“You’re mine, little boy.”_

**_MINEMINEMINEMINEMINEMINE--_ **

Hidan shot straight up in bed, panting heavily, tremors wracking his body.

His eyes whipped around wildly, searching for glowing green eyes or a Cheshire Cat smile. The dark suddenly terrified him and his hand whipped out for the lamp by his bed. He smacked the switch and the room flooded with light.

There was nothing there. Nothing, nobody.

Hidan blinked tears out of his eyes and curled up, burying his face in his knees, trying to will his heart into a calming submission.

 _It’sjustadreamit’sjustadreamit’sjustadreamit’sjustadreamit’sjustadream **it’sjustadream.**_ He turned on his side, facing the light, and hugged his pillow to his chest, buried to his nose in the comforter.

Well... he finally remembered why he hated sleeping.

* * *

Hidan didn't get to sleep again that night. Haunting images flashed behind his eyelids every time he closed them, so he just chose not to. He restlessly tossed and turned until he gave up and and shifted to sit against the headboard. The duvet sat piled around his waist, his face in his knees as he allowed the scent of fresh linen to soothe his frazzled nerves.

When the sky began to get light, he heard a soft rap on the door.

"Hidan? Rise and shine, cupcake, it's seven-thirty. Oh, you're up already?" Sakura said. Hidan nodded, his face still buried in his knees, his fingers tangling into his hair. Sakura tilted her head in concern and padded into the room.

"Oi, something wrong?" She asked. Hidan opened his eyes and looked up at her, raising an eyebrow at her. She was already dressed in her usual outfit, clean cloth bandages wrapped around her tattoos to conceal them casually. Her hair was stringy and wet from a recent shower and she smelled like soap and strawberries. Hidan didn't let it show how soothing the scent was to his high-wired state of mind. Sakura lips pulled into a thin line as her eyes wandered over his face.

"Nightmares?" She guessed. Hidan paused before nodding. "Do you want me to cancel with the Hokage?" Hidan waved his hand weakly and shook his head. It’s not like _postponing_ it would help anything. Sakura sighed lightly through her nose before standing up and crossed her arms.

"Alright. You have half an hour to get ready, so don't make me wait," she said before leaving. Hidan rubbed his eyes wearily before sliding off the bed. He stretched and headed for the bathroom.

His own reflection almost spooked him. He looked like death had warmed over. Like he had just seen the Truth. Like he had survived a jinchuuriki-on-jinchuuriki fallout.

Frankly, he looked like _shit_. His eyes were bloodshot, cheeks hollow, skin pale...

 _Terrible_.

He splashed cold water on his face and it helped somewhat, forcing some color to his cheeks from the absolutely _freezing_ temperature of it.

He brushed his teeth and ran a comb hurriedly through his hair before returning to his room and switching into an outfit almost identical to yesterday's, except his shirt was green this time. The scratches on his forearms had faded somewhat and were almost unnoticeable. But knowing Sakura's sharp eye, he'd rather not take any chances.

He walked out of his room to find Sakura in the entrance hall, digging through her pockets.

"Keys, keys, where are my damn keys?" She muttered, oblivious to Hidan. Hidan noticed a set of keys sitting on the half moon table behind the couch in the living room. He plucked them from the table before returning to where Sakura stood. The jangling of them being held in front of her face caught her attention.

"Thanks," she said shortly, swiping them. “How’d they end up over there?” She mumbled to herself. She grabbed a brush that was sitting on the table near the door and pushed in hurriedly through her wet hair.

"Come on, we're late already," she said, struggling to put her long, thick hair into a ponytail. Once she had managed that (rather difficult) feat, she whirled around and opened her front door, stepping out.

"What are you staring at?! We have to go!" She snapped. Hidan flinched and followed her quickly out the door. Sakura slammed the door behind him, nearly clipping his heels and locked the door before hopping down the porch steps and beginning at a brisk pace out of her yard and towards the hospital.

* * *

There were more shinobi in the street at this time of day and on the route Sakura was taking. Their eyes raked over him distrustfully, and he couldn’t hear the whispers, but he could see heads tilting towards each other and hands placed discretely over mouths. It felt like someone was pouring boiling tar over him, scalding his skin and making it difficult to move, to _breathe_. He swallowed his anxiety and ducked his head, shoving his hands into his pocket.

Without warning, a rock nailed him in the back of the head. He rubbed it and quickened his step to catch up with Sakura who was keeping up a breakneck pace. However, upon hearing his hiss of pain, she had stopped and glanced over her shoulder. She opened her mouth to speak, but just Hidan continued walking. Yet another rock clipped him, this time at the base of his skull. Sakura sneered and stepped past him. Hidan sighed and looked over his shoulder at the guilty culprit.

A young teen with spiky black hair stood leaning against a fence, bouncing another stone up and down in the palm of his hand.

He was about to turn around and ignore him when he felt Sakura brush by him and storm over to him. The boy didn't budge as she came almost nose to nose with him. He was a few inches taller, but the short woman didn't seem to care.

"That was rude and out of line, Konohamaru," she stated, crossing her arms and giving him a sharp look. Konohamaru scowled despite his discomfort as her menacing aura started to surround him.

"What? Don't look at me. It's what he gets for showing his smug face around here," he snapped. Sakura raised an eyebrow.

“Your mug ain’t the prettiest thing to look at either,” she shot back. She then twisted his ear into a grip that just looked painful. Konohamaru yelped in pain as he was dragged down to her level.

“Try something smart like that again and I will put you through my wrought iron fence, get me?” She growled. Konohamaru blubbered something that might have been an understanding and Sakura released him. She then turned to all the eyes that had been trained on her and the brat.

“Listen up!” She barked. _Oh no, please don’t make a scene, please don’t pull more eyes on him than there already were. **She was pointing at him oh god why.**_

“This man here is under my supervision! He is not, and will never be a threat as long as I’m around! That being said, any one of you lays a hand on him, I will personally make sure you have so many missions crammed up your ass you don’t see home for a solid year.” Sakura smiled and made the ‘OK’ sign with her hand. “Kapish?”

Every head immediately turned away with a few uncomfortable coughs. Hidan swallowed. That was a little better, at least...

Sakura hooked Hidan by the collar of his shirt and proceeded to drag him down the road, towards the huge white building that was the hospital. She calmed down by the time they reached it, but continued to drag him nonetheless.

She only let him go when they were at the door to her office. She was about to knock on the door when they heard voices on the other side.

“Well _I’m_ saying _you_ need to fire those old crones! Nobody should be in power that long!”

“It’s _tradition_ Naruto, you don’t have to like it!”

“I’m not the only one who doesn’t fucking like them! _You_ don’t even like Homura and Koharu! They’re bad for the village and I will _not_ have them advising me!”

“Stop being such an immature shithead!”

“Stop being a stubborn hag!”

“Brat!”

“ANCIENT, WRINKLED _PRUNE_.”

“ _You fucking didn’t..._ ”

"Oh, shit," Sakura blurted, throwing open the doors before Naruto could break something--

Sakura ducked and a vase flew over her head and smashed into the wall behind her. _Too late_. She motioned for Hidan to stay put before entering the room. Tsunade and Naruto were nose-to-nose glaring daggers at each other. The clashing of two alphas was never a pretty picture...

Tsunade noticed Sakura and turned her attention from Naruto, who looked a little flabbergasted at Sakura's interruption.

"Oh, Sakura, perfect timing," she said, sitting back down in her chair. Naruto scowled and stepped back, leaning against the wall and stewing in his anger at Tsunade’s decision to... not fire the two councillors, was it?

Sakura decided to brush it away. Politics weren’t really her thing.

"Tsunade-sama, before I call Hidan in, I would like to mention that Hidan hasn't really…spoken since we dug him up. Seems to me like your typical post-trauma muteness," she said quietly to Tsunade, wasting no time in getting to the point. Tsunade frowned at this before speaking.

"Thank you for telling me, Sakura. You can call him in now." Sakura nodded.

"Hidan!" she called. Immediately at the sound of her voice, he stepped in and shyly shuffled up to stand a little behind Sakura. The medic in question rolled her eyes and dragged him by the shoulder to stand even with her.

_‘I gotta do something about this inferiority complex...’_

"Ah, Hidan. It's good to see you're doing well," Tsunade said, moving aside a few papers from the mountain that surrounded her desk. Hidan unconsciously began fiddling with the hem of his shirt, as was becoming habit for him. Tsunade seemed a bit bothered by his silence, but let it slide for now.

"Anyways— Naruto you are dismissed," she said, giving the said man a pointed glare.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever, baa-chan" he said before he disappeared in a poof of smoke. Tsunade sighed.

"I swear that boy and his shadow clones will be the death of me," she said, leaning back in her chair. She rubbed her temples and sighed.

"Anyways, Hidan…" she said. She dug around in her desk for a few moments. "I realize that you're not quite up to par with what you used to be, but..." She produced a Konoha hitai-ate from a drawer and held it out to him.

Hidan blinked down at it. No, _nooo_ he couldn’t take this. _No_. He glanced at Sakura nervously and then took a small step back. Sakura gave him a look.

“It’s yours, Hidan just take it.” Tsunade gave him an identical look (well now he knows where Sakura gets it from) and extended the forehead protector further.

“You are a member of the Hidden Leaf, now. I’d say the sooner people recognize you as one, the better,” Tsunade said. Hidan stared at the shiny metal plate, not yet damaged by battle. Not yet scratched in an act of betrayal. Not yet _tainted_.

Hidan couldn’t take it. He really couldn’t.

He shook his head and took another step back. Tsunade tilted her head.

“You’re not going to take it?” She said. Sakura frowned bristled irritably.

“It’s not like you have to wear it, don’t be rude,” she hissed. Tsunade held up her hand Sakura reluctantly held her tongue, her hands twitching at her side.

“It’s your choice when you choose to bear our symbol. I won’t force it on you, it’s a big step. For now, I’ll allow you a monthly stipend so Sakura’s paycheck doesn’t bear all the weight.”

"Thank God," Sakura mumbled.

"Oh, Sakura, I got your leave request and it's approved."

Sakura and Tsunade talked for a little while more as Hidan stood quietly, staring at his hands.

He _wanted_ to take that headband. He wanted to feel the weight of it around his throat, he even wanted the rash the rough fabric would give him when he wore it too long. He wanted to _belong_ here. In Konoha.

All his life, he’d had to fight tooth and nail for what he wanted. Now, for it to just be handed to him was... it just felt _wrong_.

Even if in that moment, he had deserved to bear Konoha’s symbol (which he hadn’t) he doubted he would have taken it. Hidan glanced up through his lashes as Sakura and Tsunade held their polite conversation, sharing a terse few laughs and a good-natured jab every once in a while. His eyes wandered past them, out the window and over the sprawling layout of the village.

Yes... he wanted to work for this.

* * *

Once Sakura and Tsunade finished their idle chatting, Sakura led Hidan out of the hospital and out onto the street. By now, Sakura barely bothered to check if he was following her, because he always would be.

Sakura was making some kind of one-sided small talk, but Hidan was too absorbed in his own thoughts to take in more than the soothing rise and dip of her voice.

He should really get out of the habit of letting his mind wander... He just couldn’t help it. He was so easily distracted. Distracted by a group of kids playing ninja, distracted by a couple holding hands, distracted by the smell of earth and life in the air, by green plants and green eyes and long pink hair--

“Oi, earth to Hidan, come in Hidan,” Hidan flinched and snapped his eyes away and to his feet. His heart was hammering in his chest _oh jeez I hope she didn’t notice that, how **embarrassing** \--_

"I was gonna to ask you if you wanted to get something to eat, but I wouldn’t want to interrupt your fun times in La-La Land. We missed breakfast, ding-dong," she said. Hidan tucked his hands into his pockets and nodded.

"Fine. Come on, I know just where to go," she said. “You like ramen, right?”

* * *

"Good morning, Teuchi-san!" she said, parting the low-hanging curtains in front of her. The said ramen chef looked up from washing a bowl and smiled at them.

"Hello Sakura! Is Naruto with you?" He asked, replacing the bowl. Sakura laughed and slid into a stool, Hidan sitting next to her.

"No, unfortunately not. I need something to cheer me up, karma is really coming around to bite my ass today," she said. Teuchi smiled sympathetically.

"Life does that sometimes. Who's your boyfriend?" He asked, nodding at Hidan. Sakura's eyes widened before she let out a loud bark of laughter. Hidan's cheeks flushed slightly and he darted his eyes to the corner of the restaurant where he examined a very interesting clump of dust bunnies.

"He's not my boyfriend, Teuchi-san!" She snorted. "He's just a case study," she said, shaking her head and smiling sheepishly.

Hidan winced.

 _Just a case study_.

Ow. _Ow._

Teuchi looked between the two of them before he shrugged, a dismissive look on his face. If Hidan thought that the mistrustful looks hurt, the dismissive ones were like a knife right between his ribs.

"If you say so. Sorry for assuming," he said, a smile on his face. Hidan chewed the inside of his cheek, still avoiding looking at Sakura, who had already brushed off the situation.

"I'll have a beef ramen, what do you want, Hidan?" She asked him, nudging him slightly with her elbows. He jumped and glanced up at the menu. He pointed at the pork ramen.

“And a large pork,” Sakura relayed for Hidan. It could have only been a few minutes before Ayame set the bowls in front of them with a bright grin.

"Thank you!" Sakura said. Hidan silently broke his chopsticks and began to eat his ramen.

_Just a case study..._

* * *

Sakura unlocked the door to her home and walked in, Hidan right behind her. She wandered into the living room and flopped down on the couch, yawning widely. Hidan slid out of his shoes and pushed them neatly out of the way with his foot. Hidan followed her in and sat down in the love seat pressed against the wall, not knowing what to do other than to sit there.

"Hmm... Now that I'm gonna be here, I should paint this room. The white is giving me a headache," Sakura commented. Hidan didn't offer a reply, still running a thumb over his scars. He _really_ hated them...

“... do you think, Hidan?”

 _Shit_ , Sakura had been talking to him... Hidan flinched and glanced up, blinking at her owlishly. Sakura tilted her head. Then she sighed and let it fall back to the couch cushion.

“Could you pull your head out of your ass for two seconds, Hidan?” She snapped. Hidan flinched and tucked his hands between his legs, shame creeping up his spine. Sakura grumbled under her breath.

“I was saying, would you mind helping me paint this room? You can pick the color, I don’t care.” Hidan raised his head, peering at her cautiously. Sakura raised her eyebrow at him.

“I swear to god if I have to repeat it--” Hidan furiously waved his hands around and nodding, signaling that _yes_ he heard her and _yes_ he’d like to help paint the room. Sakura huffed and crossed her arms.

“Alright then.”

Conversation lapsed and the only sounds the filled the gap were Sakura breathing and the small sounds of Hidan’s fidgeting. Despite the lack of total silence, it felt as peaceful as if it _were_ there. As the seconds ticked away, Hidan felt his nervousness begin to drain away.

And he was staring _again_.

When Sakura wasn’t focused or glaring or smirking, just laying back and resting her eyes, it was easy to see the age on her features. The crinkles just starting to appear between her brows and at the corners of her eyes. She didn’t look old, per se, but _aged_. Like a fine wine. Or cheese...

Hidan didn’t realize she’d opened her eyes.

"What’re you looking at?" Sakura asked, pastel brows turning down. Hidan flinched aggressively, raising a hand to his throat out of a habit he didn’t realize he still had until just then. Sakura shrugged and stood up, stretching her arms high above her head and inducing some pretty wince-worthy cracks. Hidan tried not to stare at the sliver of stomach that revealed itself when she did so.

"Whatever. Come on, I'll show the backyard," Sakura said, jerking her thumb in the direction of the dining room where the sliding glass door had been.

Hidan followed her attentively through the kitchen into the dining room. Now that it wasn't night, he could see the back yard. It was overgrown with weeds and dead grass but was extremely spacious. Tangles of what may have once been rose bushes lined the foot of the porch. A tall, rickety wooden fence separated the backyard from a forest thick with massive trees which kept the backyard shaded for the most part. Sakura opened the sliding glass door and stepped through, her fists propped on her hips. Hidan politely shut the door behind him as he stepped out onto the porch, concerned for the AC. Sakura let out a long sigh.

"Ah, what a mess," she muttered, scratching the back of her head sheepishly. "I should probably hire some genin to clean this out. It would be the perfect area for rehabilitating you until you're fit to begin combat training," she said. Hidan nodded absently.

"Well..." Sakura glanced back into the kitchen to read the time. It was a little past two in the afternoon. "We've got some daylight to burn. We can't work here until this mess of weeds get cleaned up." Sakura tapped her chin, deep in thought.

"I might as well go shopping. Get some paints for the living room, some ingredients for medicine balls..." She wasn’t talking to Hidan anymore, just to some abstract concept floating in the air.

“No, I’m not getting spicy curry, go fuck yourself.”

_????????_

* * *

After waiting a few minutes for Sakura to take inventory of what she had and make a list of what she needed, they both left, heading for the market.

Hidan was in charge of checking things off the list while Sakura wandered from stall to stall, throwing things they needed into their basket, and quite a few they didn’t. She ended up buying spicy curry despite her earlier protest to no one.

About an hour in, as they were finishing up by heading for the fish stalls, they ran into a small blockade. That 'blockade' taking the form of the tall, blonde-haired man that had been hollering at the Hokage earlier.

"Sakura-chan!" He yelled, waving. Sakura stopped and looked over her shoulder, as did Hidan. Both watched as he jogged up to the pair.

"Hey Naruto," Sakura said, smiling as she waved lightly at him. Hidan saw Naruto's eyes give him a quick once-over. His heart stuttered, as he realized it was prone to doing when anyone other than Sakura and Tatsuki glanced his way.

"Ah, you again," he laughed. “Sorry you had to walk in on one of my not-so-high moments.” He grinned and held out his hand.

"I'm Naruto Uzumaki, the next Hokage! Welcome to the Leaf," Hidan stared at his hand for a moment before taking it and shaking it once. Naruto released him before tucking his hands behind his head. Sakura rolled her eyes.

"Such a modest introduction," she said sarcastically. Naruto stuck his tongue out at her.

"What? My coronation is in like six months!" He said. "As soon as that stupid council finishes trying to cram all it’s conservative bullshit in my head," he said, his face pinching with disgust. It shifted suddenly to a shit-eating grin with enough speed to give Hidan whiplash. "Needless to say, they don’t approve of me dating two people at once. _Especially_ since the bastard is one of ‘em.”

Hidan blinked as the words sank in. _Two people?_ Sakura’s face got sour for a moment, but it faded so fast, Hidan thought he had dreamed it up.

“Your _fantastical_ stories about you doing the heads of the two most _powerful_ clans in Konoha are _truly_ a tale for the ages, but something just came up,” she said, elbowing Hidan, motioning for him to follow her. Hidan glanced between the blonde and the pinkette before ducking his shoulder and trailing after the latter. Naruto looked a little disappointed... and a little offended.

"Come on Sakura-chan, it's been weeks since we've had any time together. You've been working at the hospital all the time and the damned council has my hands tied. Come on, let’s have a bowl at Ichiraku’s," he called. Sakura paused and she glanced over her shoulder.

“I can’t, Naruto. I’m super busy, you know?” She tried a smile that seemed surprisingly genuine. “I’ll see you around whenever,” she said with a wave. She forged on ahead, as if avoiding his response.

“Yeah, whe _never_ ,” Naruto muttered and turned to shuffle off to his own destination.

* * *

Sakura’s mood stayed sour throughout the rest of their errand run. She broke two pencils filling out a request for a few genins to clean out her backyard and was close to breaking a third before Hidan quietly passed her a pen. The receptionist gave him a grateful glance that he was too shy to return.

When they got home, Sakura dumped all their groceries on the counter and then outright commanded Hidan to go to his room. Feeling distinctly like a kicked dog, he did as he was told and slinked off towards his room. He didn’t particularly mind. Lately, his room seemed to be the only safe space for him.

As if wanting to directly contradict that statement, a sliver of paranoia slid down his spine and he dove for the light. Ah right. His brain couldn’t calm the fuck down for _two seconds_ to let him stop seeing ghosts in his peripheral.

He felt that urge to decompose again. Or punch a wall.  

He had burned through a couple more chapters in his novel before there was a knock on his door.

“Dinner’s ready,” Sakura called. Hidan bookmarked his page and set it aside, deeming it safe to exit his room. Her chakra was less grating to his, having calmed down to its normal ebb and flow pattern. The soothing one he liked.

Sakura had set down two bowls of hayashi rice at the table horizontally across from each other and was already seated, nibbling away at her dish. Hidan took his seat and picked up his chopsticks and began picking at his meal as well.

The silence was deafening, but Hidan did nothing to break it. Even though it made him _extremely_ uncomfortable.

After a few tense, awkward minutes, Sakura sighed loudly and set down her chopsticks with heavy clacking noise.

“Listen, Hidan,” she huffed. “Sorry for being a bit of bitch. Ain’t your fault, today was just kinda shitty.” Hidan gave a tentative smile in agreement. Indeed it was. The bruise on the back of his head reminded him of that. Sakura picked up her chopsticks again.

“You know, we should start learning sign language or something. It would be quicker than writing everything out, that’s for damned sure,” she drawled as she picked up a piece of beef. Hidan chewed on the inside of his cheek. He wasn’t looking forward to learning an entire language. Again.

He must have had a pretty strange look on his face because Sakura suddenly burst out laughing.

“Don’t look so grumpy. Let’s just started with something easy.”

What, they were gonna do this _now?_

“Nod for yes, shake for no, side to side for I don’t know. Good?” She said. Hidan nodded. Okay, so _that_ wasn’t much different.

“Now, since we’re starting your training tomorrow, how about this--” she curled her index finger to her thumb, “for ‘too hard’ and this--” she curled her pinky the same way, “for ‘too easy.’ Good?” Hidan mimicked the motions and then gave a thumbs up. Sakura grinned.

“Great.”

They finished their meal in a much more comfortable silence, Sakura scratching words out on a piece of paper as she distractedly raised bites of food to her lips with the practiced ease of someone who did this a lot.

Hidan helped with the dishes and then the pair bid each other goodnight. Sakura in her own rough, awkward way and Hidan with a slow, sincere nod in her direction.

Hidan clicked on the lamp next to his bed before turning off the overhead light, the darkness in the corners still spooking him to a certain degree. His curtains were opened wide and sank into bed with an exhausted grumble.

That night, when Sleep had crept into his mind, he didn’t have memories, but _feelings_. It was almost worse; like drowning but with no idea which way was up. 

First there was just a tidal wave of fear that wrapped itself around his mind. Fear when he ran from hunter nins, fear when Pein’s overwhelming presence suffocated him, fear when he grabbed Yasuda’s scythe for the first time...

It faded to anger. A mind-numbing anger that made his fingers itch. At the pigs who destroyed his home, at Orochimaru and Kakuzu for dragging him into the hell that was Akatsuki, at the world for leaving him in that _fucking hole--_

It shifted back to fear with a crackling snap that left him confused on which way was up and which way was down. Then there was a yawning emptiness that left him anxious for what would happen next. What would his mind torture his poor sleeping subconscious with next--

But nothing happened. It was dark, it was empty, he was _lonely_ \--

Oh.

Nobody was there. Not Yasuda. Not Sakura. Not even Jashin’s ambiguously omnipotent presence. He was completely and utterly alone.

**_N o   y o u ‘ r e   n o t._ **

Hidan’s stomach lurched as if the ground had been dropped about below him. The rage came back, but this time it wasn’t his. It was lustful and _hungry_. Starving for absolute carnage, all it wanted to do was kill.

Kill, kill, _kill, kill, **kill--**_

Hidan gasped and his eyes flew open. His hand flew to his chest, because it _burned, what the hell?!_ His breathing was ragged and it felt like he was choking on his own damned tongue.

_Breathe, breathe, breathe..._

Hidan sat up and curled himself into a ball, face buried in his arms. A broken, shuddering sob rattled him from his chest, thankfully muffled by the duvet.

_He was so fucking lonely._

* * *

To her credit, Sakura didn’t bother him until around eleven. When she did, it was a quiet knock on his door and the question, “you hungry?”

Hidan didn’t bother checking his reflection in the mirror before shuffling out into the kitchen. He already knew he looked like shit. If Sakura noticed, she didn’t mention it. Only set down a bowl of rice with a fried egg on top in front of him once he sat down at the table. She didn’t bother with breakfast, only sipped at a large cup of black coffee and stared out at the backyard.

It was almost embarrassing how long it took Hidan to realize that there were _people_ in the _backyard_. It was a group of four, three young kids and an older male with rectangular glasses and brown hair pulled back in a tiny ponytail at the nape of his neck. Sakura snickered into her coffee cup.

“We’re gonna have to work on you observatory skills, too,” she mumbled. Hidan flushed and focused on finishing off his rice. Sakura finished her coffee and shuffled outside and Hidan followed her, as per the usual.

For the better part of the afternoon, Hidan just sat on the railing, watching the kids pull weeds, mow the lawn and replace the dead rose bushes. But of course, Sakura didn’t have him sitting idle.

She shoved a leaf into his hand. He looked at her, down at the leaf, and then back at her. Sakura crossed her arms over her chest.

“Chakra exercises. Bounce the leaf from finger to finger and make it stick.” Hidan looked back down at the leaf. That would be easy enough.

Twenty minutes and a lemonade break later, Hidan learned that it was _not_ easy.

He would let out large, halting spurts of chakra, making it fly off his finger, or not even enough to get it to stick. He must have had a pretty sour look on his face, because the kids were tossing him nervous glances. It wasn’t anything he hadn’t seen before.

That didn’t mean it didn’t make him feel just a _little_ shitty.

He was so absorbed in trying to make the damned leaf _do what he wanted_ that he didn’t notice Sakura until she was standing directly in front of him.

“Oi--”

Hidan flinched so bad he nearly fell off the railing. Sakura gave an amused chortle before taking Hidan’s hand in hers. His heart stuttered over its next few beats.

“Stop being so tense, ya big doof,” she said with an eyeroll. She proceeded to stretch out his fingers one by one, an easy grin on her face. She popped every joint (even a few he didn’t realize _could_ be popped) before shaking his hand around. “You can’t force chakra to do what you want. It’s a weapon that should work with you, not against you.” Hidan nodded nervously.

Sakura smacked her hands on either side of his face.

“Relax! You look like I’m gonna supplex you or some shit,” she said. Hidan frowned through the clamp of her hands on his cheeks.

You actually might though, he wanted to say. Instead, he just turned his head away and Sakura released him, coughing lightly.

“It’s probably nothing you haven’t heard before, but reminders never hurt,” she mumbled before distancing herself as per usual. Hidan inhaled deeply and stared down at the leaf.

_A weapon that should work with you..._

Hidan cracked his neck and flexed his hands. _Don’t force it.._

Instead of trying to push his chakra through the tip of his finger, he just let it leak. The leaf shuddered and swirled lazily up before lowering itself towards his middle finger. He stared at it in anticipation. Come on, _come on..._

"Hey Hidan!"

Hidan squawked and really _did_ fall of the railing this time. Right back into a soft pile of dirt, thankfully. He winced and cracked open one eye to see Tatsuki's impossibly bright eyes staring owlishly at him. His face spread into a grin.

"Jumpy, much? Sorry about that," he chuckled, holding out a hand. Hidan grabbed it, only to be bodily yanked to his feet with a hand much stronger than he expected. He blinked in surprised and stumbled slightly as he regained his footing. He brushed off the seat of his pants and clambered back onto the railing. He tilted his head at Tatsuki, raising an eyebrow. Tatsuki laughed and hopped up beside him, turning and crossing his legs carefully on the narrow beam.

"I like dropping by to check on Sakura sometimes. She can get into the habit of forgetting to feed herself sometimes," he said with a ruffle of his hair. Hidan then remembered how he hadn't see her eat yet that day. He brushed it off with a certain amount of anxiety. Of course she'd eaten, he just hadn't come out of his room until halfway through the day.

"You were doing chakra exercises, weren't you?" Tatsuki asked, pointing at the leaf Hidan had somehow managed to keep clenched in his hand during the fall. It was crumbled and sad-looking now, but still usable. (He didn't feel like looking for another leaf.) Hidan looked down at it and then back up at Tatsuki. He nodded. Tatsuki laughed.

"I've never seen someone so concentrated on moving a leaf before. You want a tip?" He asked. Hidan nodded again. He could use all the help he could get at this point. Tatsuki took the leaf from him and danced it skillfully from finger to finger.

"Every living thing has chakra. Trees, animals, people, flowers, everything. Even this sad little leaf," Tatsuki said, catching the leaf between two fingers and twirled it via the stem. "Now there's two ways to go about making this little leaf do what you want. Wrestling control over its tiny little spot of chakra, a very easy task, mind you, or _conversing_ with it. Personally, I go with the latter most of the time," he said. Tatsuki handed the leaf back to Hidan.

"Now if you're from a clan that's spent generations communing with nature and all types of chakras, like me, conversing is easy. In fact, subduing might even work better for you. _But,_ if you get really, _really_ good at conversing, you can send messages via your chakra network. Feelings, mostly, but sometimes even complex sentences." Tatsuki shrugged innocently. "Can't imagine what use you might have for it, though."

Hidan huffed and gently thumped Tatsuki's knee. The ANBU captain laughed and crossed his arms over his chest.

"Go ahead, give it a shot. I promise I won't laugh if you fail miserably." Hidan rolled his eyes but focused down on his leaf once more. Conversing with the leaf's chakra? How did he even go about that?

Hidan held his tongue between his lips as he flexed his chakra once more. _Don't force it, converse with the leaf._

Converse with the leaf... couldn't his life get any more senseless than it already was? Hidan blinked and refocused his thoughts. Don't force it, converse with the leaf. 

Hidan let his chakra gently leak out of him like he had done before. At the same time, he stretched his senses to the limit to try and catch the faint wisp of energy from the small, photosynthetic organism that would soon wither and die. Instead of trying to _force_ it to let itself be maneuvered with his chakra, he tried enveloping it. Moving it along like a twig in a stream.

The leaf meandered its way into the air once more, swirling, twisting, and finally landing neatly on his middle finger and sticking there. Hidan blinked and his face split into a goofy grin. His eyes shot up to see what Tatsuki's reaction would be, but instead he noticed Sakura off to the side, a small, proud smile on her face. 

Without warning, Hidan felt a warm, but foreign buzz in his chakra system.  _Good job,_ it seemed to say. 

Before he could think much of it, Tatsuki clapped Hidan on the shoulder with enough force to almost pitch him off the railing for the second time.

"Nice!"

Hidan flushed a little under the praise of both Tatsuki _and_ Sakura. It was a small step, but somehow the pair had made it feel a lot bigger.


	5. Palliation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tis I, the most untimely fry!
> 
> Sorry this was so late, I've been so swamped with school lately good lord. Honestly, this chapter and the next one are probably the worst the gaps between chapter updates there will be, as I had to straighten out some big kinks in this chapter and adjust the pacing. (I fucking HATE pacing, it's the bane of my ENTIRE EXISTENCE)
> 
> Also sorry it's kinda short; it got really long so I split it in half. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

The next morning, Hidan awoke to a bucket of _freezing water_ to the _face_. He shot up in bed to the loud, devious laughter of Sakura as he coughed and hacked water out of various facial orifices.

"Rise and shine, darling!" She said, baring all her weight on the edge of the bed, making it tip sideways and pitch Hidan out of bed. "Phase one of your combat rehabilitation has begun!"

He was cold, wet, his pointy joints aching where they had struck the floor, and filled with adrenaline and having the _weirdest_ case of deja vu. Some old, warm memory tried to surface itself but Sakura’s bark of laughter chased it away.

“You have ten minutes to do whatever you need to get ready, but I don’t suggest a shower. Or breakfast. ‘Cause you’re gonna puke.” She chuckled to herself as if sharing some kind of inside joke and then retreated from his room.

Hidan grunted as he struggled to his feet, thighs and elbows and butt protesting to the light bruises he had gained. It was a familiar ache that he didn’t really mind. Even missed...

Hidan rubbed his hand over a ridge of scar tissue on his arm and brought himself back to the present. His ten minutes was ticking.

He flew through the normal routine of brushing his teeth, taming his usual mane of bedhead, and washing his face. Just as he switched off the water, Sakura slammed the bathroom door open (scaring the daylights out of poor Hidan in the process), proclaimed, “TIME’S UP!” and proceeded to snag Hidan by the collar of his white shirt.

_This woman is a demon..._

**_‘Sakura, you’re being a fucking demon. And that’s ironic. Because I’m the closest thing to an actual demon in this depressed-woman-traumatized-man equation.’_ **

Hidan stumbled with her outside, still not quite feeling like he had completely woken up, and nearly knocked into the railing. He blinked at the backyard as Sakura released him and continued to stomp out to the backyard.

At some point, Sakura had purchased (or built) a variety of training tools. There were a pair of mat-wrapped logs buried in the earth, a bar that looked like he would be doing a lot of chin-ups on it, and a target. A glance to his left revealed another addition to her back porch-- a small rack stocked with two bo staffs, two bokkens, kettlebells, medicine balls of various sizes, and a first aid kit.

That last item concerned him slightly...

Sakura spread her arms, a genuinely bright smile on her face. It threw him off a little, considering her promises of future agony.

“I did some shopping earlier this morning. Tenten’s always got this stuff on hand,” she said, propping her fists on her hips. Before he could wonder who this mysterious “Tenten” was, she spoke again. “Well, I’d rather not waste all this beautiful equipment. I’m even gonna be generous and break it in with you today.”

Hidan didn’t have time to be confused. Sakura pointed to her left.

“Warm-up jog! Twenty laps around the yard. Let’s _goooooo_!”

The gray-haired victim scrambled off the porch and hurried to get into motion. He knew it was a bad sign when his legs started burning two laps in...

* * *

Twenty laps, many minutes of painful stretching, a hundred crunches, and fifty push-ups later, it was only 10AM and Hidan wanted to _die_. His shirt was soaked with sweat and his limbs could barely support himself.

He collapsed to his knees in the prickly grass and focused on trying to not dry-heave.

It was hard.

He was glad he hadn’t eaten breakfast.

After a minute, a water bottle rolled between his hands and came to a neat stop beneath his nose. He was _on_ that shit like white on rice... Hidan had guzzled half of the damned thing before pausing for breath. The only reason he remembered to was when he heard a chuckle from Sakura’s general direction.

He lowered the water bottle and glanced in her direction.

“This stuff was what I was doing in the academy. You have such a long way to go, sugar.” She laughed before taking a quick swig from her own water bottle. Hidan wondered if Sakura could sense how god damned salty he was right then. 

Hidan glanced at the woods past the fence of her backyard and wondered what his chances of survival would be if he made a run for it. He turned his head towards Sakura, only to see her easily pick up the thirty pound medicine ball with one hand and bounce it in her palm like a beach ball.

Zero... his chances were _zero_.

“Hey, how ‘bout we take a break? You look like death,” Sakura called, tucking the medicine ball under her arm. Hidan perked up considerably at the word ‘break.’ The Spartan woman smirked and walked his way. She offered her hand to him to yank him to his feet. Literally _yank_. By now he was pretty used to being tossed around by people much stronger than him.

Hidan stumbled a little on his exhausted legs but managed to plop his butt on the porch step and relax in the _greatly appreciated_ shade. Sakura chose to lean against the banister to his left, taking occasional sips of her water. Her thick hair had been braided and then twisted up into a bun, stray hairs falling across her sweat-sticky forehead.

She had kept her word in doing all the exercises with him. With much greater ease of course, but the August heat and humidity was overbearing for everyone. Even Amazonian warriors like Sakura Haruno.

The rest of the day past in a hot, painful, sticky blur. His hand was a constant flurry of the _‘too hard!’_ sign, but Sakura only laughed and kicked him in the butt, telling him to keep moving. All he knew what that by the time the sun went down and Sakura called off the day, he could barely walk and he was _starving_.

However, he did not have the energy for dinner. He barely had enough to stumble into his room and collapse on his bed. The groan he let out into his pillow was more animal than human, accurately conveying the thought of, “ _MY EXISTENCE IS **SUFFERING.**_ ”

He was halfway comatose when Sakura knocked on his door. Sakura must have sensed his adversity to expending any more energy and chose to walk right in. Hidan peered at her through the corner of his eye. To his surprise, Sakura was carrying a tray with rice and pork slices, a tall glass of sweet tea, and a heat pack.

“You impressed me today, Hidan,” she said, looking down at him. Hidan looked down at the tray and his stomach growled violently. The rice balls for lunch had barely been enough to tide him over for a few hours. “I’ll try not to be as tough tomorrow. No promises though,” she said with a lopsided smirk. Hidan slowly shifted into a sitting position, every movement making every string of muscle in his body scream with agony. Hidan grabbed the bowl and held it in his lap as he dug in, slowly at first and then faster when he realized how _fucking good this food was_.

“Oh, one more thing,” Sakura said. Hidan glanced up, still shoveling food into his mouth like some kind of uncivilized barbarian. Sakura pulled a small drawstring sack out of her pocket.

“Healing salts. Make a bath as hot as you can stand and dump this whole bag in. It works wonders.” she said. Hidan nodded and watched her place it on the tray, next to his sweet tea. She made her way to the door and paused.

“Goodnight, Hidan,” he said. Hidan tilted his head a little. Then he brushed his thumb across his nose and nodded. Sakura laughed.

“Is that gonna be our sign for goodnight, then?” She asked. Hidan nodded. Sakura chuckled again and gave a thumbs up.

“Alright.” She mimicked the motion. “‘Night.”

Hidan felt that weird surge in his chest; as if he were suddenly filled with someone else’s emotions. Even weirder was that fact that he didn’t find it... unpleasant...

The door clicked shut and Hidan was left with just the gentle light of his lamp. He finished off his meal and his sweet tea, and settled down into his mattress, the warmth of the heat pack seeping into his stomach. He stared at the bath salts on the tray. Now that he had a moment to think about them, he realized that they had a very powerful scent that he could catch even from his bed. Something gentle and sweet, like flowers or fruits. It was nice, and the moment his eyes closed, he was out cold.

That night, not a single dream tormented his sleep.

* * *

The next morning, Sakura’s awakening was much gentler.

In comparison to yesterday; that’s not to say she was particularly kind or loving today.

 _FWOOSH_!

Hidan jerked and shivered as the sheets were ripped off him. He blearily blinked himself awake, curling up and hoping Sakura would just _let him be._ He was sore beyond belief and it couldn’t have been later than 7AM. Nonetheless, he felt fingers scrub hard enough through his hair to touch the borderline of pain.

“I’m gonna be generous and give you an entire hour to get ready. Make use of those bath salts, and eat breakfast,” she said. She then turned and marched out of his room. Hidan sat up gingerly and rubbed his nose.

There she went again, rushing around as if giving herself a break were some kind of unforgivable sin. He didn't even want to think about what kind of sin giving _him_ a break would be. Maybe cursed to roll a boulder up a hill forever but never reach the top...

Hidan made a face and threw off the covers.

He hobbled himself into the bathroom, bath salts in hand and did as Sakura had suggested last night. The water steamed and burned only a _little_ and he submerged himself in the heavily perfumed water, hissing quietly as his pain threshold was tested. It took a few moments but the burn faded away, both from his skin  _and_ his muscles. 

Hidan had really underestimated how great baths were... One day, when he was on his own once more, he needed to visit a spa.

And then _never leave_.

Hidan reclined in the water, his nose above the water just enough to keep him from drowning. The aroma of the bath salts invaded his nose and swirled around his brain, forcing his muscles to unwind and relax. His felt his eyelids drooping, content in a way he hadn’t been in a really long time.

Hidan sat up, and picked up the shampoo to scrub it through his hair. He blinked at the lightness in his limbs. These salts really _did_ work wonders...

Hidan stared at his reflection in the water his his fingers massaged along his scalp. He took his sweet time, liking the feeling of his fingers running through his soapy hair. His scalp had always been sensitive, especially behind his ears. And since ritual bathing was a big thing in Jashinism, he always took special care of his head and neck area. 

A sudden twisting in his gut started up and he figured that it was time to stop thinking about things. He blinked a run of water from his eye, but when he opened them, his reflection had changed. His skin had darkened, eyes a violent green, hair wild and curly...

Hidan jerked violently, disturbing the water and making the hallucination vanish. He shook his head violently, trying to rid his mind of the image and force his heart to stop pounding so god damned hard. The heels of his palms ground into his eyes hard enough to make stars dance.

He washed out the soap and quickly hopped out of the lukewarm water. He fumbled into his clothes for the day, his muscles still doing the too-light-for-his-body thing. He supposed they just weren't used to not feeling like someone had poured lead on them.

He walked slowly out of the bathroom and down the hall to the kitchen. Sakura was leaning against the back counter, picking at a callus on her palm. She glanced up at him as he stepped in and put his hands on the counter.

“Are you... okay?” She asked, raising an eyebrow. Hidan shrugged and then yawned. “Feeling better?” Hidan rolled his shoulders around experimentally and nodded when he only felt the slightest twinge of pain. Sakura grinned and pushed herself off the counter.

“Ready?”

Hidan nodded, a small, _excited_ grin spreading across his face.

* * *

THWAK!

_Mother fucking shitty ass fucking wooden kunai I will **burn** you--_

“No good! You have to be faster!”

Hidan rubbed the bony part of his shoulder that was throbbing smartly from the hard blow it had gotten from a practice kunai. It was the ninth one in that particular training period and he was getting irritated; both with the relentless attacks and his own physical weakness. He heard a bark of laughter from Sakura.

“Oh calm down sour puss, that look is giving me cancer,” she teased. Hidan forced his facial muscles to relax and instead stared at his feet. He only realized his mistake when there was a _very familiar whistling sound_.

His head jerked up just in time to see a kunai stop a centimeter from his face. He jerked back, hand slapping over his throat reflexively as he tripped over his feet and fell flat onto his ass.

Sakura cackled and pulled the kunai back with a snap of her wrist, the chakra string attached to it reeling back in.

“Your reflexes suck ass,” she said. Hidan puffed out his cheeks in an angry manner and considered flipping her off. Deciding he _didn’t_ want to die, he stormed over to the porch and sat down hard, reaching for his water bottle. His progress felt agonizingly slow, despite Sakura's assurances that most other people would still be in a wheelchair instead of throwing themselves all over the ground trying in vain to avoid the sharp sting of a wooden kunai.

Hidan tipped his head back and chugged down a good third of the water bottle. Not as refreshing as he would have liked, considering it had been sitting in the sun for the better part of two hours, but appreciated nonetheless. Sakura cleared her throat, easily catching Hidan's attention.

"Your reflexes suck ass; Exhibit A," she said, nodding in his direction. Well, not his direction exactly, more like right behind--

 _Fuck_.

Hidan felt his skin claw in the _worst_ way just before he launched himself away from the porch, water bottle forgotten, and whirled around.

Leaning against the sliding glass door was a tall, gangly man with the messiest black hair he had ever seen. He seemed entirely made up of long, skinny limbs and the hands resting across his chest were spindly and well-worn.

Hidan's heart pounded hard enough for him to feel it in his fingertips where he rested in the warm grass. He hadn't sensed even an _inkling_ of that man's presence, but now that he was aware of him he seemed to ooze power and confidence.

Hidan wasn't jealous. He _wasn't_.

Sakura's knee bumped against his shoulder, knocking Hidan from whatever terrified trance having the ever-loving _shit_ scared out of him induced.

"You look like shit, Sasuke. Hinata's cooking can't be _that_ bad," Sakura taunted, a grin on her lips. Hidan didn't like it. It pulled across her face in all the wrong ways.

"Just got back from the Cloud two days ago. I'm still feeling sick, but docs don't know what's up," he said, shrugging. Sakura rolled her eyes and crossed her arms.

"So of course, they dump your ass on me." Sakura sighed and crossed her arms, switching with lightning speed into doctor-mode. "You feeling nauseous?" She asked. Hidan had the strong urge to slink away to some uninhabited corner. It felt so awkward, sitting right in the middle of a conversation like he _quite literally_ was.

"No."

"Itchy?"

"Lower back."

"Show me your hands." Sasuke held up his palms, but Sakura made no move to get closer. She scoffed, the gesture abrupt and harsh.

"If they can't recognize a viral infection, then that place is worse off than I thought. Cloud is full of them, hence why outsiders gotta be wary. Go away, I'm in the middle of training Hidan," Sakura said bluntly, waving her hand dismissively. Sasuke didn't move.

"So I heard." Sasuke's eyes slid over Hidan for the first time. He immediately felt like he was being flayed alive, but not in the same way that Shikamaru caused. There was no spite or anger, just a... probing curiosity.

It still made him uncomfortable as _fuck_ though.

Apparently satisfied, he returned his gaze to Sakura before turning around and making his retreat. However, he paused with his hand on the door.

"By the way, Naruto wanted me to check up on you. It's nice to know you're not dead," he murmured. Hidan looked back at Sakura, only to see an ugly sneer on her face.

"As if you _care_ ," she snapped.

Sasuke slid the door open and walked away from her.

"If that's what you assume, okay. Nice seeing you again."

Hidan looked between the two of them, but mostly at Sakura. He felt something cold sludge down his spine, and he inched away from Sakura.

Without warning, Sakura focused every ounce of salt in her gaze at him. Hidan flinched, but kept his eyes on her.

"Come on, back to work," she said, her voice sloppily disguised with cheeriness that wouldn't have fooled a child, nonetheless a trained shinobi.

* * *

Sakura stayed bitter the rest of the day. Though her mood improved after lunch, her chakra flickered and spiked uneasily the rest of the day. Hidan wanted to cheer her up but he had now idea how to go about doing it.

So, he did nothing. The fact that it was pretty much his only option didn’t make him feel any less horrible about it.

* * *

The next morning, Sakura ripped off his blankets and stalked out of his room, not even gracing him with a threat of bodily harm. Hidan tried prodding gently at her chakra, only to get his attempts violently thrown back with enough force to make his head throb.

Hidan decided no more prodding.

He got dressed in nine minutes and slipped outside, water bottle in hand, as Sakura pounded out a rhythm on the training stumps.

“Thirty laps. Get moving,” she grunted. Hidan wasted no time in beginning a jog around the perimeter of the backyard.

Sakura’s responses were pretty much the same for the rest of the day. Short, grunted phrases like, “thirty push ups, you have one minute,” and, “five laps, lunging all the way, and if I catch you cheating, it’s medicine ball squats for the rest of the day.”

At this point, Hidan almost _missed_ her Spartan brutality.

However, that night as he limped his way to his room after his shower, he noticed a bowl of soup and a roll sitting outside his door. He sighed, shoulders slumping. You know what he actually missed?

That aggressive passion. As rough as she was, it was all to get him back into correct working order. She was passionate about getting people better, passionate about making her medicine ball recipe less horrible, passionate about sticking to her commitments.

But when these moods hit, it was more like she was just finishing a job.

Like he really was _just a case study_.

Hidan shook his head, collected his food and slinked into his room to eat and sulk. That night, white hair and green eyes tormented his dreams.

* * *

 _“Hidan. Hidan, wake up.”_ Hidan hummed groggily into curled into an even tighter ball.

 _“Hidan.”_ Maybe if he didn’t move, they wouldn’t find him.

 _“Oi, stupid.”_ Maybe if he didn’t move, his mother would live.

_“HIDAN!”_

Hidan yelped and shot up straight in bed, both hands coming up to clench around his neck. He shuddered, feeling his Adam’s apple bob as he swallowed down his gag reflex. He was awake, he was safe, but the shaking _wouldn’t stop_. It took him several moments to realize Sakura was still right next to him. Standing right next to him and watching him panic, watching him fall apart--

“This is what I get for waking you up nicely,” she muttered. Hidan curled up in a ball, not wanting to face the undoubted look of disappointment she would give him. _Fuck, fuck, fuck, please just go away._ He just needed a moment, just a few minutes--

Hidan flinched when he felt the tips of a few fingers brush along his scalp. The fingers flinched as well, before slowly sliding through his hair and starting a soothing rhythm. He took a deep, shaky breath and felt every thought come to a screeching halt. The panic and the nightmares and the paranoia put itself on pause.

And even a pause meant more to him than words could tell. Sakura didn’t say anything, and Hidan wondered if it was even the same woman running her fingers through his hair. Wondered if the hand was even _real_.

No... no, it was real. The warmth of her fingers and the waves of calm slowly overwhelming the panic were real. Hidan didn’t dare look up, for fear that eye contact would shatter whatever kind of fragile moment this was.

A minute passed, and Hidan mourned the loss of Sakura’s fingers as they retreated.

“I’ll have breakfast ready,” she murmured, and the sound of her footsteps chased themselves out the door. Only then did Hidan glance up and realize that the sky seemed lighter than normal. She had woken him up an entire half-hour late.


	6. Recividism

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings for panic attacks and slight gore in this chapter. Yes, they are linked. (I apologize profusely)

It didn't take long to figure out Sakura's "method of attack," so to speak.

The structure of his routines followed a pretty basic pattern. There were cardio days, followed by two intense days of muscle building (one with equipment, one without), then an easy day or two was devoted mostly to flexibility, and then there were Battle Days.

Sakura loved them, so of _course_ they were the bane of Hidan's _fucking existence_.

An entire day were Sakura got to beat the crap out of him with various wooden weapons or her fists or (as it was last week) tennis balls. It was _great_ ; Hidan’s fine, he _swears_.

Hidan woke up to Sakura's normal hair ruffle and immediately felt his actual soul shrivel up because Sakura’s grin told him _exactly_ what day it was.

Two months of this and that smile still scared the shit out of him. (Though the twist in his gut sometimes felt less like fear and more like something else...)

Hidan rolled out of bed and pulled on the ratty pair of pants he always wore on Battle Days. They were covered in grass stains and multicolored patches from where Sakura had clumsily repaired the rips. Hidan absolutely adored these pants, but Sakura would never find out.

When Hidan migrated through the kitchen to dining room, he immediately screeched to a sudden halt. Out in the backyard, he could feel two chakra signatures. One was Sakura, burning bright and brilliant as always, but the other was unfamiliar... sorta. Quiet and powerful, but in a way that gave him wicked deja vu.

A lot of stuff seemed to be doing that nowadays. At least he knew he was doing a good job running from it.

Hidan swallowed and hesitantly shuffled towards the sliding glass door. When he stepped out onto the porch, he saw Sakura talking to a taller man with an unruly mane of silver hair and a covered face, her back to him. She turned around at the sound of the door clattering shut.

“Hey nerd, come out and meet today’s guest star. This is my old sensai, Hatake Kakashi,” she said, gesturing towards the man. Hidan didn’t want to leave the porch. The man unsettled him, but he couldn’t put his damned finger on it. So, he stepped down off the porch and took the hand that Kakashi offered him. The man's one visible eye crinkled in the telltale sign of a smile and some of Hidan’s paranoia faded away. If Sakura trusted him as much as the warm buzz in her chakra said she did, then he couldn’t be that bad.

Speaking of which, why was he here?

“Today, we’re training with genjutsu. This old man’s the best in the business,” she said, slapping him on the chest with the back of her hand. Kakashi chuckled and rubbed the back of his head.

“I’m not that old. What happened to having respect for your elders?” He questioned. Sakura rolled her eyes.

“I respect elders that don’t spend the whole day reading porn novels or harassing the Inuzukas,” she said. Kakashi laid an offended hand over his chest.

“If I’d known, I would refrain from harassing the Inuzukas,” he said. Sakura snorted.

“No you wouldn’t have.” Kakashi hummed thoughtfully, but didn’t respond. Sakura shook her head and redirected her gaze at Hidan.

“WE ARE BURNING DAYLIGHT!” She exclaimed suddenly with a loud clap, making both white-haired males start. Hidan sighed and decided not to question it, despite the fact that Kakashi was making something nag at the back of his mind. It was persistent as hell and making him uneasy, but he tried to squash it and focus on today’s training.

Sakura pulled them to the back of the yard, under the shade of the trees. She sat Hidan down, murmured something in Kakashi’s ear and then sat him down three feet from Hidan. She then sat down between them, leaning against the fence and crossing her legs.

“So Hidan, do you know how to break a genjutsu?” Sakura asked. Hidan made a so-so gesture with his hand, but his face pinched in a greater display of uncertainty. She huffed and made a hand-sign.

“Kai,” she said sharply. Hidan shivered as a rush of pure energy went up his spine, making his skin crawl and his eye twitch. Sakura grinned at him.

“Use ‘kai’ to cause a disruption in your chakra flow to break the genjutsu. The more powerful the genjutsu, the bigger the surge needs to be,” Sakura said. Hidan blinked. He had _never_ heard of that method before. He frowned and tilted his head, pantomiming stabbing himself in the back of the hand. Sakura's face was blank with confusion, but surprisingly Kakashi was the one to get it first.

“Inflicting pain is another method to break out of a genjutsu, but it’s generally used as a last resort. I won’t hit you with anything too hard today, so that won’t be necessary,” he said. Hidan chewed hesitantly on his thumb nail before glancing up and nodding.

“Alright...” Sakura glanced between the two of them. “Go ahead.”

Almost immediately, Hidan felt the ground drop out from under him. His stomach flew into his throat as he fell, rushing through cold, harsh hair tore at his cheeks. Hiden was suddenly and acutely reminded of his phobia of nothingness. Before his body could work up the energy to become panicked, he crashed into hard wall of water. It was fucking _freezing_ , and he covered his mouth, fighting the urge to gasp.

Something snagged him by the back of his shirt and began yanking him deeper. Hidan closed his eyes against the fear and the rush and thought one word over and over...

“Kai, kai, kai, KAI, _KAI_ , **_KAI_** \--”

His eyes popped open and a delayed shiver made his entire body vibrate. Sakura tilted her head and grinned at him. She clicked a stopwatch that Hidan swore she hadn’t had before.

“Nice; only took you a little over twenty minutes,” she said. _Twenty minutes?_ Hidan made a sour face and stared at the grass. Sakura kicked Kakashi, whom he had just noticed was sprawled across the grass, snoring lightly. He snorted, yawned, stretched, and sat up.

“Oh, hey, you’re awake,” he said. He ran a hand through his unruly mass of white hair, and only then seemed to notice Hidan’s dissatisfied expression.

“Hey, don’t sweat it, I took like fifteen minutes to break my first genjutsu,” he said, hands turning palm-up in an “I-don’t-care” gesture. “Then again, I was like five, sooo...” Sakura made a noise in the back of her throat and kicked the man again.

“Sensei!”

Kakashi chuckled, but unsurprisingly, Sakura was the one to snap them all back into focus first. She sighed, rested her back against the fence and tossed a questioning look at Hidan. He brushed a thumb over his nose and then nodded. Sakura made a vague hand gesture, and the moment Hidan turned back to Kakashi, he felt himself get swept into another jutsu.

This one _stank_. He was sitting in a room, swampy plants growing all around him, and a green mist rolled from some unknown source. The stench was enough to make him want to hurl, but this time he knew to stay focused;

“ _Kai._ ”

He felt a painful tug behind his eyes, and he squeezed them shut. When he opened them, Sakura and Kakashi were staring at him, interest in their gazes. Kakashi wasn't napping this time, so that had to mean something good.

“Holy shit... Five minutes,” Sakura said, checking the stopwatch. Hidan couldn’t help but grin. That was good progress, wasn’t it? He'd always picked things up rather quickly. However, Sakura reached forward and grabbed his hand. Only then did he realize he was clenching his fist hard enough to make his nails break the skin. Sakura gently and wordlessly worked open his tense fingers and passed a glowing thumb over his palm, easily healing the small scratches. 

Hidan ducked his head apologetically. 

"Hey, old habits are hard to break," she offered, but it seemed kinda weak. Kakashi had a pinky digging around in his ear, apparently not interested in the exchange. Before Hidan could think much of it, Sakura rubbed her hands together in that “things are about to get much more miserable” way of hers.

“Ready to step it up?” She asked, glancing at both Hidan and Kakashi. A dull ache was starting up at the base of Hidan’s skull, but he brushed it off and nodded. Kakashi nodded, but seemed more interested in giving Sakura weird looks than actually helping Hidan.

Hidan’s progressed ebbed and flowed. Some genjutsus were easy to break, even when Kakashi insisted they were rather high-level, but some swept his confidence right out from under his feet. There had been one where a little girl had tangled by her ankles above a boiling pot of tar and he was tied to chair, unable to help as she screamed and wept and begged.

That one had taken thirty minutes to break. Sakura gave Kakashi a look, and the ones after that were much less intense.

After a while, Kakashi suggested a break. The ache had grown to a throbbing pain and Hidan wholeheartedly agreed with Kakashi’s suggestion. However, Sakura huffed a breath and put her hands on her knees.

“Come on, Hidan, you can take one more, right?” She said. Hidan stared at his hands and swallowed. He could, he just didn’t want to. He looked up and was caught full-force by Sakura’s earnest, determined gaze.

He... he didn’t want to disappoint.

Hidan gave a firm nod and Kakashi shrugged. Throwing out genjutsu after genjutsu didn’t seem to tax him at all, and he wondered about the man’s true limits. (The ache sharpened briefly, but he ignored it.) Hidan blinked, his hands pressing into his knees in preparation for the next illusion. When his eyes opened, the world had faded away, taking all sights, smells, and sounds with it. He glanced around. Wherever he was, it was _empty_.

It was _Void_.

Hidan shivered. He didn’t like this place. Hidan put his hands together to break the genjutsu, when he paused. His hands felt slick...

He glanced down, only to retch at the sight of blood spattered across his hands, forearms, all the way up to his elbow. Panic gripped him with fervor, and he ignored the sickness suddenly invading every pore.

_Kai, kai, kai, ka--_

He heard a terrible, taunting, _familiar_ laugh and looked up into a pair of electric green eyes, into feral teeth bared like a Cheshire Cat. Cold, dead hands clenched themselves around his throat and the laughter suddenly intensified, as if something had thrown back a blanket, revealing something too awful to speak of.

“Hidan, darling, did you miss me?” Yasuda keened. His breath was rotten, an insight to the seemingly untouched body. 

_He’s **dead** , this isn’t happening, snap out of it!_

A desperate cry wrenched free from his ruined throat and he scrambled back, desperate to get rid of Yasuda’s awful fucking hold.  _Snap out of it, snap out of it, **snap out of it!**_ _I killed you, I’m **free** \--_

Yasuda wailed in glee, his fingers burying themselves in Hidan’s hair. He drifted aside, as if dancing on the winds, as if made of smoke. Hidan’s head was pulled violently back, and Hidan sobbed. He knew this position, _he didn’t want to--_

“You can never be free of me, Hidan! Oh no, we’ve made our mark! Look around you, look at what you’ve done!”

Hidan’s chest heaved, panic pulling him in ten different directions, shattering him like frozen taffy. His eyes sprang open, unable to resist Yasuda’s compulsions, his feline, seductive voice.

He wished he hadn’t opened his eyes.

_He wished he hadn’t opened his eyes._

This wasn’t a genjutsu anymore, it was _Hell_. Flickering, floating flames illuminated an endless lake of blood. And out of it, crawled bodies. Hundreds of them, grasping at his clothes, at his hands, staining him, _tainting_ him.

And the worst part was, he recognized the faces. The girl with the red hair, he’d strung her up and flayed her. That woman with the missing arm and mismatched eyes, he’d scalped and gutted her, like a fish. The chubby man with small glasses and clubbed hands, he’d burned him alive. Each victims still bore the marks of his cruelty, of the pain he had wrought with  _his own fucking hands._

 _“WHY DID YOU LEAVE US TO DIE, HIDAN?!”_ They howled. _“WHY DID YOU MURDER US, HIDAN?! WHY?! WHY WEREN’T WE SPARED?!”_

Hidan out a broken, ruined sob and fell to his knees. _I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry..._

"Sorry will never be enough, darling," Yasuda breathed, his fingers digging into his jaw and dragging his head up. "You can never take it back,  _never, never, never!_ _"_ Yasuda twisted his head to stare at some other horror. 

Out of the blood rose Hidan himself, his skin painted in the monochrome design of his bloodlust-crazed Jashinst state. His eyes were dead, milky white and _cold._ He raised a scythe and swiped it through a man with a covered face and silver hair, but this time he didn’t dispel into smoke, like a clone. No, he just screamed and split into pieces, Hidan forced to watch as the scythe was brought down again and  _again,_ until there was nothing but  _chunks_ _._

Hidan suddenly remembered where he had seen Kakashi before. On that day, that _horrible, awful_ Day when he’d been buried alive.

He was in Hell, he was in _Hell_. Every one of his sins was on display, Yasuda orchestrating it with his church-bell laugh, with his cruel eyes. Through all of it, Hidan couldn’t help but beg.

**_Someone save me, I’m BEGGING you, PLEASE._ **

_“KAKASHI, LET HIM GO!”_

The genjutsu shattered and Hidan sucked in a ragged, desperate gasp. For a moment there was silence, nothing but the grass and blood (blood?) between his fingers.

Then Hidan _screamed_.

He let out a loud, broken howl and pressed his hands to his head, which was pounding so hard, he feared that his skull would split. He pressed his forehead to the grass and let the sobs do their best to shake him to pieces, to shake off the sins that crawled along his black. He was vaguely aware of Sakura and Kakashi arguing.

“What did you _do_ to him?!”

“I didn’t design this one, I just let his own mind do it!”

“Jesus Christ, Kakashi, you KNOW that’s a fucking minefield!”

“I-I didn’t--”

Whatever Sakura had done made him stop talking. He felt a hand on his back and flinched away from it; he couldn’t do touch, he couldn’t, not with Yasuda’s phantom fingers still pressing themselves into his throat, into his hair.

“Hidan, _Hidan_ , listen to my voice. You’re okay, nobody’s going to hurt you,” Sakura said, poorly disguising that panic in her own voice. Hidan shook his head, shook it so hard that he felt a cramp form in his neck.

 _I wish someone would hurt me, someone needs to make me pay, I’m fucking filthy, I’m ROTTEN._ Hidan’s thoughts spiraled out of control and his desperate whimpering and shaking didn’t cease.

“Hidan, just tell me what you _want_ , I can’t help you like this!”

_I want redemption, I want punishment, I want--_

A garden flashed in his mind through the terror, a bubbling koi pond and the sound of birds...

“ _Tatsuki_ ,” he rasped, his tongue stumbling over the syllables. He was still convulsing, face still buried in the grass, but just the thought of Tatsuki’s voice, of his easy comfort, made the panic more controllable, less wild and feral.

“Kakashi, go find Tatsuki, pronto,” Sakura demanded.

“How is Tatsuki gonna--?”

“JUST _DO_ IT!” Sakura snarled. Hidan felt Sakura’s hand on his wrist and he flinched again, but not as badly. It was a place Yasuda hadn’t ruined, and for a moment he thought he’d be okay.

“Hidan, look at me,” Sakura said, her voice uncharacteristically gentle. No, no, no, _no_ , he couldn’t face those green eyes, even if the shade was entirely different, even if he _knew_ she'd _NEVER_ do what he had. If he saw the care and affection there, despite everything he’d done wrong, everyone he’d killed, it--

It would break him...

Hidan chose the easy route. He succumbed to the pain in his skull and the chakra Sakura was sending into his system, calming him down and pulling him into a blessed cocoon of warmth and darkness. He felt himself encircled in a pair of arms, and he couldn't help the disgusting comfort he drew from it.

* * *

 

Hidan didn’t know how long he had drifted in and out of consciousness. He had woken at one point, briefly, to Tatsuki’s thumb rubbing circles on his forehead before he faded again, blissed out with the knowledge that at least he was here, at his side, standing guard with strong eyes and stronger hands. For once, he didn’t fear sleep. He was too exhausted to have nightmares, for now sleep was safe. Sleep was _numb_.

He awoken sometime later, when the room’s lighting had changed, and he heard angry whispers in the hall.

“What the  _hell_ gave you the right to pull a stunt like that, Kakashi?!"

"I don't know, I guess I'm a little more  _bitter_ than I thought."

"You said you'd  _play nice._ You just fucked up  _weeks_ of rehab, I don't even know if he's going to be able to get out of  _bed_ after this."

"If it'll make you feel better, I'm  _sorry._ I feel  _bad_ about it. There?"

"Yeah,  _fine._ Now get out of my house, Kakashi."

Hidan drifted out of consciousness briefly, before coming back to an angry thump against the wall.

"--all _worried_ , Sakura. If you won't talk to Tsunade, talk to Naruto, talk to  _someone._ You're driving yourself mad, don't think I can't see it."

"Oh, I suppose that by spilling my guts to some shrink, I'll be magically cured, right? I'm depressed, sensei, not fucking insane, I'll get over it."

"You keep  _saying_ that, but nothing is changing!"

"Get out, sensei. I don't want to talk."

" _Sakura._ "

"I said _get out._ " 

Hidan passed out once more and awoke for the final time, his awareness finally catching up with him. He was in his room, in bed, the duvet pulled up to his chin. The room was flood with a late evening light, casting Sakura in a wash of orange and gold and--

 _Sakura_.

Hidan flinched and Sakura awoke from the doze she had drifted into from her position on a kitchen chair she had dragged in there. She blinked a few times and her eyes widened slightly as she noticed his awakened state.

“You feeling okay?” Was the first thing she asked. Hidan frowned. Of course he wasn’t, he felt like _shit_. However, with the duvet trapping him in a bubble of warmth, the pillow beneath his head, and the quiet atmosphere of the room, he felt much, _much_ better than before.

At the memory of "before," Hidan felt a chill run down his spine. His eyes lowered, hands idly coming up to pull the duvet higher. He winced as pain suddenly lanced its way up his arms. Sakura noticed. He lifted the blanket and stared with dismay at the bandages that covered the tips of his fingers to just above his elbows.

“You clawed the hell out of your arms. Tore a few nails, as well,” she explained. Her fingers tapped out a beat on her biceps and she stared out the window, then turned back to him.

“Letting your psyche take control of the genjutsu like it did was completely out of line for Kakashi. I’m sorry,” she said, but her face pinched in serious thought, as if her next words were clawing their way out of her. “And, it’s also partially my fault... for pushing you to do another drill. I should have realized your mental state was so fragile... I’m sorry.” Hidan shook his head; it wasn’t her fault, he had agreed. If she was going down that road, then the blame could also fall on him for going along with it without a second thought. Sakura seemed more than happy to change the subject after that.

“It caused a huge shock to your chakra system, and thus sent everything else into chaos. You’ve been unconscious more or less for two days, running a hundred-and-three fever. I guess it broke, finally.”

Hidan let his eyes drift shut. He guessed that explained why he smelled and his mouth felt like it was stuffed full of cotton.

Hidan heard the _tap-tap-tap_ of Sakura’s fingers on her bicep again and he glanced at her tiredly. He really just wanted to sleep some more...

“I’ve, ah... Scheduled you a psychiatrist appointment. This is out of my depth; mental illnesses aren’t my specialty.” Hidan nodded, but he didn’t really care. His eyes were already growing heavy.

“Hidan.”

The sudden urgency in Sakura’s voice made him crack one eye open. He raised an eyebrow. Sakura bit her lip in a rare show of uncertainty.

“You mumbled a lot, while you slept. You kept saying “I killed you” and “I’m free” and “I’m sorry.” I know it’s none of my business, but... can I ask what that’s all about?” Sakura said hesitantly. Hidan sighed. The panic that had ravaged his system then now felt more like an annoying fly buzzing around in his chest. He was too tired to care.

“Yasuda,” Hidan said, wincing at how positively wrecked his voice sounded. Sakura blinked, her eyes widening. Hidan was too tired to elaborate. He rolled over and let himself drift off.

* * *

 

Hidan didn’t think she was actually serious about the psychiatrist, but on an early Wednesday morning, Sakura dragged Hidan to the Yamanaka clan compound. Almost quite literally dragged. For the past week, Hidan had felt barely enough motivation to eat and shower. Everything felt numb and terrifying and _unimportant_. So, for the most part he slept, and for the most part, Sakura let him. 

However, that didn't mean she was in the best of moods. She was grouchy and unpleasant to be around, unbelievably furious at both herself and Kakashi for ruining so much progress. All in all, their relationship was growing strained, and Sakura’s pride was a little bruised because of her inability to handle this area of his rehabilitation. 

Sakura stopped them in front of a building and Hidan glanced over the sign written in neat pink kanji.

_Itomi’s Mental Care Facility_

Hidan glanced over at Sakura, his brows furrowed in two parts distaste, one part anxiety. “Mental Care” sounded like an insult. Hidan felt like he needed an entire new _brain_. Upon the look Hidan gave her, Sakura sighed and curled her fingers around the crook of Hidan’s elbow.

“Ito-chan’s the best psychiatrist in the village, and an acquaintance of mine. I’m sure you’ll like her,” Sakura said with a crooked smile. “Plus I’m paying a pretty penny for this, so be grateful.” Hidan sighed. If Sakura trusted her, he could trust her. Probably...

Sakura lead him into the building, a cool gust of air greeting them as they did so. The front room was simple, with comfy-looking benches sitting on either side of the room, and a rounded desk directly in front of them. A woman sat there, scribbling something in a notebook. She glanced up when the pair entered.

“You must be Sakura-san and Hidan-san,” she said. “Come sign in, Itomi-sensei will be out in a moment.” Sakura walked forward and scribbled the time and date onto the paper, then gave the pen to Hidan to sign his name. Next to Sakura’s untidy doctor-scrawl, Hidan’s handwriting looked oddly elegant. (That didn't mean is  _was,_ though.)

Hidan glanced as a door to the left of them opened.

Itomi was a woman with long auburn hair tied back in a ponytail and sun kissed skin. When she smiled, dimples curled into her cheeks and her amber eyes were kind but sharp.

“Hello Hidan,” she said. “I’m Itomi. Would you mind joining me?” She gestured to the door she came out of, stepping aside politely. Hidan glanced at Sakura, the anxious frown still plastered on his face. Sakura sighed and gave him a shove.

“Go on. I’m going to do some errands, I’ll be back in an hour,” she said before promptly turning around and exiting the office.

Leaving Hidan alone with a woman he’d only just met and was expected to spill his darkest secrets to.

He was liking the idea less and less.

Nonetheless, he took a large breath and stepped past Itomi and into the room. Honestly, it wasn’t what he expected.

There was an armchair and a comfortable-looking couch across from it, and the room smelled lightly of incense and the sound of trickling water came from a cute little fountain in the corner. Another odd addition was a mat next to Itomi’s chair with a dog bowl sitting on it. Itomi noticed his wandering eyes as she took a seat in the armchair.

“Sometimes my patients feel more at ease with an animal companion in the room. My snow leopard seems to be a favorite, she’s very docile,” Itomi said. “Please, take a seat.”

Hidan sat down on the couch, shoulders hunched habitually and his fingers tapping together. He didn’t want to _be here,_ as nice as this woman was. But Sakura did, so that meant something, at least.

He waited for her to start prodding at him, glancing at the clock routinely.

Fifty-nine minutes to go.

“So, Hidan, before we dig into the worst of things, let’s start out with something easy. What’s your favorite color?” She asked. Hidan started. Favorite color? What did that have anything to do with anything? Hidan pursed his lips. The idea of speaking in itself made him ridiculously nervous. He was almost afraid of the vibrations it would make against his throat.

_You can never take it back! Never, never, never!_

Hidan shuddered and swallowed down a wave of nausea. If Itomi noticed, she didn't comment. Before Hidan could think of what to do, Itomi made a sound of surprise and stood up.

“I’m sorry, I completely forgot that you’re mute. Here, I’ve got just the thing,” she said as she stood up, making her way to a set of shelves with neatly labeled cubbies in them. She pulled one out and reached in the grab a notepad. She passed it to Hidan, along with a pen.

“This will work for now, but I was hoping you could begin to learn sign language. As great a doctor as Sakura-chan is, bless her heart, she’s not so wise when it comes to communicating,” Itomi said with a small laugh. Hidan thought back to the rudimentary sign language they had been developing together and couldn’t help but agree. Itomi sat down again and nodded at him.

“Go on, favorite color.” She smiled again and Hidan quickly looked down. Looks like that directed at people like him were still not something he was used to. He instead focused on scribbling down a five blocky letters. He turned the notepad towards her.

 _White_.

Itomi nodded satisfactorily.

“A good color. Blank, like a clean slate,” she said. Hidan’s skin prickled and he glanced up to see a knowing look on her face. Hidan looked back down at his toes and decided that they’d be the most interesting thing in the room for the next hour.

Itomi didn’t ask a lot of sensitive questions. It was mostly an easy getting-to-know-you session, and Hidan was glad for it. By the end of it, he didn’t feel so god damned _awkward_. He’d also learned that the most interesting thing in the room was actually an ambiguous spot to the right of Itomi’s shoulder.

He couldn’t tell if it was an improvement or not. Itomi’s homework for him that week was to check out a book on sign language and begin studying it. He had a note scribbled on a piece of paper for Sakura; the library’s address and the title of a book. When he walked out of her office an hour later, Sakura was sitting in the waiting room, a thick textbook balanced in her lap as she scribbled notes into an old, swollen notebook. She glanced up at the note and squinted in an irritable manner.

“As if I need the address to the library; I could get there blindfolded with one leg,” she said, shutting the textbook and shoving it and the notebook in her bag. Her eyes flashed to Hidan’s face and he tilted his head.

“You, uh...” Sakura glanced away, clearing her throat. “You okay?” Hidan blinked. Then shrugged. Sakura offered a wry grin as she turned and made her way towards the door.

“Well, that’s better than when you walked in,” she said with a snort. Hidan grew mildly offended. Then he realized it was true... kinda. Coming in a wreck and walking out slightly less a wreck counted as progress, right?


	7. Bruxism

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yikes, ahaha
> 
> Been awhile hasn't it, guys? My bad. School is overwhelming. Uhm... anyways. 
> 
> I don't think I've said this before, but I really do welcome constructive criticism! Feel free to tell me if I'm getting to ramble-y or boring with the details, I'm very ADD. 
> 
> Far too ADD to be writing lengthy fics such as this one, honestly rIP,,
> 
> ANYWAYS, ENJOY THIS CHAPTER IT'S KINDA SHITTY. (Content warning for mental breakdowns, I guess)

When Sakura unlocked the door, Hidan shuffled quietly past her, kicked off his shoes, and made a beeline for his bedroom. Sakura let him, knowing how exhausted he undoubtedly was. She couldn’t help it; she pitied him.

And maybe there was a little empathy there too...

There were things in her past she didn’t want to dig up either, but there had been times when she was forced. She’d rather forget those times too, honestly.

 **_“Sakura, you’re unsettled. Maybe you should take a nap, maybe meditate?”_ ** Inner, for once, was quiet and genuinely concerned. Sakura had always been terrible at listening to advice, even when it came from herself. Honestly, this had been a long-time coming--

No, she was being ridiculous, Hidan’s panic attack had just upset her, that’s all.

Sakura grimaced as she walked into the kitchen, remembering Kakashi’s angry concern. Well-intended but misplaced. She wasn't going _mad,_ he was being ridiculous!

She was still functioning. She was still sane. Sure, she had a few more voices in her head than the average person, but everybody had their quirks and flaws. Something was still nagging at her, though, chipping away at something vital in the back of her mind.

_Talk to somebody._

Sakura shook her head and flicked the coffee maker on. She had work to get done and this headache pulling at the back of her head wasn't helping. Her fingers tapped anxiously on the counter before she noticed and curled her hand into a fist.

Stop it _, stop it._

Everything felt tense; she felt feverish and hypersensitive. The coffee maker beeped and she spilled a little on her hand while pouring it. _Dammit..._

_It's been months, we're all worried, Sakura!_

Sakura took an angry gulp of scalding, bitter coffee before slamming down the mug and whirling around. I'm fine, I'm _fine--_

**_“Sakura--”_ **

“Shut up, I _know_.”

Impending mental breakdown, she _knew._

Sakura didn’t need Inner’s obsessive concern right now. Sakura pushed her as far down and out of sight as possible before finally making the decision to stalk through the dining room and out into the backyard. She needed to burn off all this ugly energy that was making all the unwanted parts of her brain kick up a fuss. She didn’t need _those_ memories. She didn’t need _those_ feelings.

Sakura took a stance in front of the training log and gave it a hard, solid punch. The wood groaned, but held firm. Sakura gritted her teeth; she had barely felt that one. She wanted to _hurt._ Physical pain always distracted her from the emotional kind.

_The house is lonely._

_Thunk, thunk-thunk, thunk._ On the fourth one, a fine crack appeared in the wood. Sakura’s fists were beginning to ache. Her eyes were beginning to burn.

Whatever Hidan had seen, it wasn’t something normal humans were supposed to go through. Whatever he had seen, Sakura _felt_ it. His chakra signature had been _screaming_ for help, screaming for forgiveness, screaming for _death._ His fear had pulsed up her spine, making her want to claw her skin off in the same way Hidan had before she managed to wrench him from the genjutsu.

Sakura hit the wood even harder, and the crack spread. The log was barely holding itself up. The burn in her eyes migrated down her cheeks, and Sakura ignored it as best she could.

_L-O-N-E-L-Y_

“I know, _I know,”_ Sakura growled. She heard it every time she passed that god damned extra door. It would howl at her, demanding to be opened, but that was just something she couldn’t do.

 _You’re_ **_lonely,_ ** _Sakura._

“I FUCKING _KNOW._ ”

Sakura slammed her fist right through the log, the wood shattered and splintering into pieces all around her. Her breathing was coming in harsh, ragged gasps, the warmth on her face rolling down her cheeks and dripping off her face. God, she _hated_ it all, she fucking _hated_ it.

She wasn’t going mad, Kakashi was wrong; she was _dying._ This was killing her inside, and she knew it too.

Sakura hiccuped and fell to her knees. It hurt, it fucking _hurt_ . Hidan’s panic attack had rattled her carefully built walls, unsettled the precarious facade she was living under. She was getting too close to him, too attached. She could tune into his _god damned emotions_ for FUCK’S SAKE.

A loud, angry scream tore from her throat and Sakura pounded her fist on the ground. Everything within a twenty-foot radius jumped a foot in the air from the impact, and the earth had dented around her fist.

This was stupid, _get it together Sakura._

**_Get it together._**

* * *

 

Hidan’s nightmares that night were a little different, but no less awful. It was just emotions again, but the rage was gone, strangely enough.

He was... desperate. And afraid. And sad. A horrible, aching sadness that filled his limbs with sand and made even breathing a herculean effort. There was a lot of frustration tangled up there, and a grating, unhealthy stubbornness.

And _loneliness._ He was so fucking lonely, _God._

Desperate, afraid, sad, frustrated, stubborn, and lonely. What a clusterfuck.

When Hidan woke up, it was somewhere in the dead of night and his face was wet with tears. Hidan shuddered out a breath and pulled his comforter up to his chin, curling into a ball. He cried and shook all night, barely able keep the wails in his own gut.

His sleep was scattered and fitful for the rest of the night. He was relieved to see the sky lightening outside of his window, it gave him an excuse to toss off the covers and slink into the bathroom.

He washed up and changed into his training clothes before shuffling into the kitchen. There were some leftover rice balls in the fridge he could eat for breakfast, and then he’d probably go outside and stretch before Sakura woke up. It was still barely six in the--

“Morning, Hidan.”

Hidan gasped and started hard enough to bang his head on the top of the fridge. He let out a small whine under his breath and slowly straightened, rubbing the throbbing spot on his skull. He stared into the dining room, where Sakura was sitting, papers spread around her, a mug of coffee perched to her right.

Hidan’s skin was _crawling._ How had she startled him so bad, he could normally feel--

Hidan’s heart dropped into his stomach and his shoulders slumped with a somber realization. She had shut down; he couldn’t feel even a wisp of her chakra signature, much less the emotional undertones that were always carried with it.

Suddenly, Hidan’s appetite deserted him. He closed the fridge and rubbed his bicep gingerly, wondering if maybe he should question the subject. He stole a glance at Sakura out of the corner of his eye. He noticed bags under her eyes. He noticed her hair was in a haphazard, fly-away bun as if she had been shaken like a rag doll. He noticed bandages wrapped around her knuckles. He noticed a subtle twitch in her left eye that meant she’d had more than four cups of coffee in the last two hours.

A part of him that he kept very, very hidden wanted to ask what happened. Wanted to sit down and make her feel comfortable enough to talk about the turbulence he had sensed every day in her chakra.

Then the logical part of himself said that was _stupid,_ reminded him that she was his _therapist,_ and then promptly gave him a mental slap over the head that made his hand twitch. Hidan sighed. Today would be rough, he could already tell.

Sakura finished up a pile of paperwork (where was she even getting it, anyways? He thought she was on leave...) and gestured lazily at Hidan for him to follow her into the backyard. Hidan blinked at the state of the lawn; the training log was gone, and there was a ruined spot of dirt where grass had once been. He glanced over at Sakura, who seemed to be debating between bo staffs or weights.

He decided not to ask.

Sakura had decided on bo staffs, and used them to prod Hidan hard in the butt to get him running laps around the yard, as per usual. He finished the twenty laps with a bit more ease than normal, and the pleased once-over Sakura gave him made his stomach do weird things. Like, you know, casually picking up acrobatics and deciding that one place it didn’t want to be was in his actual _stomach._ It made the Sakura-shaped hole in his peripheral senses not so jagged.

Sakura didn’t yell as much that day. Hidan was almost unsettled, because less yelling meant more time for her to focus on what he was doing wrong. Her eyes were like flint, the way she looked at him. He felt like if he looked at her too long, those eyes would grate on him, sending spark flying.

“Hidan.”

Hidan, for the second time that day, caused himself bodily harm with the force of his flinch. The five-pound medicine balls she’d been throwing at him smacked him in the gut and sent his ass into the dirt. He wheezed and doubled over, fighting the urge to throw up the empty contents of his stomach. He paused when a shadow passed over him.

Sakura’s peace offering was a crooked smile and a helping hand. Hidan grabbed it and let himself be yanked to his feet.

“Hidan, let’s spar,” Sakura said. Hidan blinked and then felt himself blanch. “Let’s spar” translated more to, “let’s get repeatedly swept onto my ass” in Hidan’s book. But he couldn’t refuse Sakura, so he just took the bo staff. Okay, this was a new one. Sakura wasn’t good at staffs, she’d said so herself at one point, but staffs...

Staffs were something he knew.

Hidan smoothed a hand down the heavy wood and gave it an experimental twirl. He almost dropped it, but he definitely remembered the motion his body seemed to have forgotten. He was used to it being a _lot_ more top-heavy, but the dynamics were the same.

Sakura took a moment to clear away some equipment both of them hadn’t been in the mood to pick up earlier, before turning around and facing him, bo staff brandished and her feet spread defensively. Hidan tilted his head and shifted into a counter-stance.

He knew this...

“Ready?”

Hidan nodded.

Sakura didn’t move fancy, like some of the other enemies he had met in his life. She just charged in and swung, a hard downward strike at his head. _Easy._ What was he, an ameteur?

Hidan raised the staff and blocked, arms braced against the vibration he _remembered_ would be there. Without even thinking, he knocked the staff aside, quick as a flash and went to smack it over her head.

Hidan was a very lucky man that Sakura was quicker than she let on at first, because she blocked what would have been a very _painful_ head smash. She smiled at him, some of the flint from earlier dissipating. Bits of her usual self began to shine through.

“I said _spar,_ Mr. Feisty,” she teased, reprimanding him with a sharp tap to his flank while he was busy feeling guilty. He took a few steps back and readied himself again. Sakura darted at him again and this time Hidan let the staff do the talking.

The grunts of pain he let out when Sakura managed to tap him got fewer and farther between as the satisfying raps of the bo staffs became more common. Hidan remembered this; he _knew_ these exercises. A smile flitted onto his face when he noticed a weakness in Sakura’s defense. A strong swipe of his staff knocked hers aside and he swung for her ribs, stopping just short. Sakura’s eyebrows raised a little.

“Impressive,” she commented. “Six-two, me.” Hidan’s smile widened into a grin. It wasn’t hopeless yet, he still might be able to tie with her...

Watching Sakura was something Hidan had gotten very good at. So when it came to watching her toned arms, the shift of her feet, and the flick of her jade eyes for indications about where the staff was going to swing next...

Well, the score went for six-two to seven-five rather quickly. Hidan noticed the sweat beginning to bead at Sakura’s forehead and he _loved_ it. It seemed like all he wanted to be lately was a challenge to her, something to be _noticed,_ not--

Hidan misjudged the angle and let out of a sharp yelp as his fingers were rapped _hard_. The bo staff fell and Sakura’s swung sharply at his head, stopping just shy of his torn ear. She gave a saccharine smile.

“Eight-five, me.”

Hidan hummed and shook the pain from his knuckles, picking up the staff once more. He didn’t want to be a case study. He didn’t want to be a weapon, and he didn’t want to be just an empty shell.

He wanted to be a _person_.

* * *

 They sparred for the better part of the day, their sense of time fading as the sweat rolled off their bodies, the fever on their skin blocking the unusual chill of that day. Hidan’s staff was a graceful blur, his footsteps barely making a sound in the grass.

_Crack!_

Sakura hissed in frustration as another strike was blocked. Hidan was grinning, deft fingers maneuvering the staff so that her blows glanced off in a favorable direction. Favorable to _him,_ at least.

**_Crack!_ **

Sakura stumbled back as a particularly harsh up-swing set her off balance. She scrambled to get it back, but for Hidan it was just _too easy._

**_C r a c k !_ **

One last powerful swing sent Sakura’s staff spinning from her hands, but he didn’t stop, just used the energy from that hit to come back around and knock Sakura’s feet out from under her. She hadn’t hit the ground before he had his staff aimed at her throat.

A clear win.

His breaths tore from his chest, heavy and ragged, but there was a hesitant grin on his face. Sakura’s chest was heaving in a similar manner, but the smile that suddenly lit up her face was _blinding._

“Forty-forty,” she panted. Hidan relaxed and retracted the staff, instead offering her his hand. Sakura was slow to grab it, and Hidan wasn’t as effective at pulling people to their feet; Sakura outweighed him by a good twenty pounds, and she put that to good use in the form of iron muscle and callouses. So instead of being smooth and cool, like her, he nearly threw himself off-balance and was narrowly saved from a hilarious tumble by Sakura’s hand on his bicep. She was laughing and Hidan was _definitely_ flushed in the face (but he hoped she just brushed it off as exertion).

“I think you’re ready,” Sakura said, once the giggles had settled. Hidan blinked. Then tilted his head. Sakura walked over to her fallen staff and picked it up, using it as a brace for the weight she leaned against. Hidan wasn’t staring at the shift of her hips as her center of gravity changed. His eyes flicked back up to her face when she began speaking.

“You’re no longer in danger of falling apart, and I apparently did a good job reconstructing your nervous system because your motor skills are almost flawless now--” Sakura was counting on her fingers, “--You’re still skinny, but muscles aren’t built in a day, and you just had the capacity to fair-and-square knock me off my feet.” Sakura wiggled her four fingers at him. Hidan was still confused. Sakura pushed her weight off the staff and brushed by him to put it back up on the rack.

“You’re ready for combat training.” Her head turned a little towards him and Hidan caught the Evil Grin™. _“Actual_ combat training.”

* * *

 After two months of intense conditioning, it had just become habit for Hidan to find himself blinking awake at the crack of dawn. However, Sakura made damned sure that he didn’t get a minute past that, as she had a particular abhorrence for training in the dark.

Imagine Hidan’s surprise when he was awoken by a sharp ray of light peeping through his curtains and stabbing him in the fucking eye. He pinched up his face irritably and rolled over, pulling his pillow over his head.

Then he sat up ramrod straight, because _what the fuck, the sun was up and he wasn’t getting his ass kicked?_

Hidan rolled out of bed and stumbled into some day clothes before exiting his room and shuffling to the kitchen. His confusion was making his heart do that dumb anxiety thing where it beat too hard, making his chest ache. He hesitantly peered around the corner into the kitchen, fearful he would find the walls spattered with blood or something because who knew what could have happened to Sakura while he couldn’t feel her chakra signature?

No gory images greeted him. Just a sink full of dirty dishes and Sakura’s picturesque figure straining upwards for something in the cupboard. Hidan watched quietly as she boosted herself up on the counter, grabbed whatever she was going for, and hopped back down, her lazy braid bouncing a little. She glanced at Hidan as she shut the cupboard and offered a crooked smile and a raised eyebrow.

“It’s five o’clock somewhere, right?” She said with a cackle as she shook a sake bottle at him. Hidan blinked and stepped into the kitchen, looking at the clock. It was 10AM.

Sakura must have noticed his confusion because she laughed and set the bottle on the counter with a dull clunk. She was searching for shot glasses when she said, “I didn’t see the point in waking up early, considering Tenten doesn’t expect me until like eleven. As for the sake, I think you and me deserve a little reward for our hard work.” She turned back and tossed him a shot glass without warning. Her smile was pleased when he caught it without a second thought.

“Call it a wake-me-up,” was all she said as she poured herself and him a glass. Sakura’s eyebrows raised in amusement as she tipped her head back and downed the shot, as if telling him _“bottoms up.”_

Hidan wiggled his nose a little and raised the shot glass to his lips and downing it. He immediately choked on it, barely managing to not shower the counters with what literally tasted like acid. He swallowed it, to the misfortune of his throat, and coughed a lot once it burned its way down and turned his stomach into a fiery hell pit. Sakura caught a look and burst out laughing.

“Oh _geez,_ I should’a guessed you couldn’t handle your alcohol, _ohmyGOD!_ ” She giggled, a hand slapping the counter. Hidan gave her a moody scowl, a hand over his mouth to cover his coughs. When Sakura saw his pout, she laughed even harder.

Sakura let out a bubbly sigh, a hand on her stomach, and Hidan chose the moment to prod her hard in the side. She yelped and jumped away and this time it was Hidan who was smiling. But it didn’t last long, because he really wanted to know who this mysterious Tenten was, considering he clearly remembered hearing her name before. He set down the shot glass and flashed ten spindly fingers at her twice once her attention was his. She tilted her head in confusion for a moment before her mouth opened in a silent “O” of realization.

“Tenten? She’s an old friend of mine, weapons specialist. She’ll be the one making you a new scythe.”

Sakura had barely gotten out the word scythe before Hidan’s heart had leapt, his chakra spiking with a sudden excitement. Sakura blinked and shook her head in confoundment. This was the man that shied away from hitting her, but give him the possibility of getting his hands on a deadly weapon and he goes all puppy-eyes on you.

Amazing.

Sakura shooed him away as she put her booze back up on the shelf, telling him to get dressed. Hidan did so with something that could almost be called a spring in his step. He wasn’t quite sure why. His stomach was full of nerves at the idea of getting his hands on an actual weapon again for the first time.

Weapons hurt, he knew that very well. Too well, honestly. He didn’t like thinking about it all that much.

_Weapons also protect._

Hidan blinked at the sudden thought whispered from the back of his mind. He pursed his lips and shook his head, sticking his feet into his only pair of pants without rips or grass stains. Sakura was already yelling at him to hurry up.

* * *

 Tenten’s Weapons and Armoury was a big, drab smith shop. There was nobody at the counter up front and a little wooden sign said it was closed. However, behind the curtain that lead to the back of the shop was a loud, repetitive clanging noise. Sakura didn’t bother ringing the bell, she pushed aside the curtain and let herself in. Hidan grimaced at the temperature sudden raised fifty degrees.

“FUCKING _DAMMIT!”_

Hidan jumped and his eyes darted to the corner where the a bed of hot coals rested, a worked strip of metal sticking out of it. The woman in question working it was spinning around flapping her left arm up and down.

“Girl, I thought I told you to wear long sleeves,” Sakura yelled over the din of the oven a few feet away. Tenten’s head jerked up and her pained grimace immediately melted into a dazzling grin. She pushed up her goggles, rubbing some sweat off her brow.

“Well I’ll be damned, you actually showed up!” She said. Sakura rolled her eyes and opened her arms to allow for a friendly hug. Tenten set aside her tools and turned her attention to Hidan.

Hidan, of course, _loved_ attention. So much.

Her slender brown eyes raked him up and down and Hidan found himself taking refuge in staring at her leather apron, smeared with ash and oil. He waited for her to speak, picking at his nails. Sakura was no help, she meandered off to look at an assortment of greatswords along the wall.

Seemingly satisfied, Tenten stuck out her hand.

“Long time no see, I guess. S’pose it’s been too long to count, though, so hi. Name’s Tenten. Little birdie told me you like scythes.” Hidan hesitated before taking her hand; it was incredibly rough and hot from the leftover heat of her tools. He chanced a glance at her face and was a little relieved to see a grin on her lips. It was tight, a little forced, but Hidan was grateful for the attempt, at least. He nodded and Tenten whirled around stalking over to a tool bench. Tools were scattered here and there, scraps of metal with vaguely worrying edges, and piles of sketchbooks, all practically falling apart at the seams. She shuffled around for a moment before producing a dirty length of measuring tape.

“Well, Hidan,” her nose wrinkled a little upon saying his name, but Hidan pretended not to notice, “Gimme an idea of what you’re looking for in a weapon. I aim to please. Also money.” There was a snort from Sakura, who had migrated from the wall of greatswords to a wall of plate armor. Tenten took quick measurements and snatched a pen, writing down the numbers on her forearm. Various other spots of smudged ink suggested she did this often.

“Yeah, thanks for the rush order, by the way,” she commented. “Hidan, are you looking for something like your old--?”

There was a vehement shaking of his head. Sakura hummed.

“One blade, then?”

A nod.

“What, you want the edge serrated or something?”

A shake.

“Tinted metal?”

A shrug. Tenten was listening to this exchange with a look of confused curiosity and was currently scribbling something down in one of the sketchbooks from her work bench. The banter went back and forth for a little bit before Tenten nodded in satisfaction at whatever she had jotted down and tucked the pencil back into one of her buns. Hidan only then noticed two other pens stuck up there too.

“Alright, here’s what I got,” she said, turning around her sketchbook to be inspected. Hidan peered at it, eyes greeted with a rough, but detailed sketch of what the final product might look like. He rubbed absently at a bead of sweat forming on his temple and nodded. Then paused.

Sakura noticed.

“Hey, let him borrow the pencil,” she said. Tenten raised an eyebrow.

“You guys have a telepathic connection or some shit, that’s just weird,” she said good-naturedly before passing over the pencil. Hidan took the sketchbook and jotted down a small note next to Tenten’s surprisingly tidy print. He then circled the note and drew an arrow to the length of the scythe above the handle. Tenten took the sketchbook and stared at his adjustment.

“You want that engraved on the staff?” She said. Hidan nodded. Tenten scratched her head and Hidan fidgeted, thinking he had asked too much. Then Tenten barked out a laugh and snapped the sketchbook shut.

“What alphabet even is that? Ain’t nothin’ I’ve seen before,” she said. Hidan rubbed his arm and shrugged a little. It was less of an “I don’t know” shrug and more like a “I don’t want to go the the effort of explaining it” shrug. Something he did a lot, if he was to be honest.

“Well, I think I can have this done in a week, maybe. Check back in with me then, we’ll see,” Tenten said. She was already plucking at the scraps of metal on her bench, squinting, and then tossing them down again. Sakura nodded.

“I’ll forward the payment to your assistant,” Sakura said.

Too late; Tenten was engrossed in the measurements on her arm. Sakura laughed and grabbed Hidan by the arm, pulling him gently out of the sweltering shop.

Hidan definitely didn’t think too hard about the brief comfort the contact gave him.


	8. Heuristic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm having an art block right now, so I guess you might be able to expect updates a little more regularly. Don't hold me to it though, I don't work well under pressure lmao. 
> 
> Trigger warnings for mentions of sexual assault and abuse. 
> 
> HOO BOY DOES HIDAN GET GAY IN THIS CHAPTER. SORRY GUYS,,

Hidan hesitated outside of Itomi’s office, fingers twisting in the hem of his shirt like they had learned to do regardless of whether he was aware of it or not. He liked Itomi, he really did. She was easy to talk to and the formality between them actually relaxed him.

But she had told him the week before that today they would start working on his reactions to bad memories, and that sounded about as fun as identifying his triggers had been last time he had seen her (red fabric, blood, squeezing his wrists, touching his neck, the smell of leather and vanilla, the dark-- well, the list went on...).

Before he could chicken out, the office door was thrown open and Itomi appeared, her gentle smile and dimples set in her round cheeks. Hidan swallowed and offered a tentative “good morning” in sign language and Itomi’s eyes lit up, her smile growing with pride.

Sakura, as promised, had taken him to the library and checked out two large books on sign language, one for him to study and one for her to whack him with when he couldn’t remember a hand motion (to be fair, she gave herself a gentle bonk too when _she_ couldn’t remember a motion. “Might as well learn it too,” she had said).

“Did you do your homework?” She asked. Hidan nodded and handed her the piece of paper from his pocket as he passed her when entering the office. Written on the piece of paper was his list of triggers, and the ways he avoided them, half of which were contributed by Sakura. (“You _always_ sleep with your back to the wall, you reflexively grab your throat when something startles you, you almost never go shopping with me, you-- oh, too fast? My bad.”)

Today, the room had been dimmed, and instead small bubbles of light floated near the ceiling. Hidan’s mouth dropped open slightly as he took his normal seat on the couch, staring up at the lights. Itomi laughed a little as she took her own seat, clipboard settled in her lap.

“They’re wisps, courtesy of my secretary out there. I thought it might make you more comfortable, since you said you liked moonlight,” she said. Hidan snapped his mouth closed and nodded slightly, feeling his ears grow warm. He hoped she didn’t notice in the dim light. He picked nervously at his nails.

“Where did we leave off last time, do you remember?” Itomi asked, glancing through the stack of papers already attached to her clipboard. Every word of their conversation was probably written down there, but Hidan answered anyways.

 _Mother,_ he signed. Itomi hummed and nodded. Before she started asking questions, though, she pulled out a smooth grey stone, engraved with intricate blue markings. She handed it to Hidan, who took it, not without a fair amount of confusion.

“Since we’re going to be going into deeper memories today, I’d like you to hang onto that,” she said. “I can channel my chakra through it and should you ever become overwhelmed, I can send out a pulse that will disrupt your thoughts. Are you alright with that?” She asked, head tilted.

Hidan nodded and signed, _sounds good._

That made him feel better, knowing that if he fucked up, he wouldn’t spiral down into another awful panic attack like the one triggered by the genjutsu. He relaxed back and closed his eyes

 _I was hiding under the floor,_ he started, his brows already pinching in distaste. This had happened so long ago, he didn’t understand why it still made his heart ache to think about it.

It ached to think about what it had started.

“Who was the man that had entered?” Itomi asked. Hidan’s hands shook a little as he signed out _Y-a-s-u-d-a._

“Yasuda,” Itomi mouthed carefully. Hidan twitched; it was incredibly rare when he didn’t hear the - _sama_ normally attached to the end. Bad things happened if you forgot his honorific. He swallowed and rubbed his hands together before continuing.

 _He was my--_ a pause. _Mentor. While I was learning about my... religion._ Hidan didn’t want to spell it, nor did he think there was a handsign under the sun that could represent it. Aside from a middle finger, perhaps.

“Jashinism,” Itomi supplied. Hidan wrinkled his nose.

_Yeah. That. He was... similar to a priest. But not really._

Their only place of “worship” was an abandoned Buddhist temple in the middle of nowhere that had been desecrated and vandalized until it was no longer recognizable. Hidan didn’t stay there often; the place always smelled like rot and smoke and he avoided it whenever possible. Even in the height of his devotion, the place had always creeped him out.

 _I don’t know what he saw in me. I learned later that he rarely ever took on an apprentice. Made me feel special for a while. Not long, though._  

It had only taken a few months of Yasuda’s brutal training for his awe and aspiration to be ground away into something colder and heavier. A responsibility to... he couldn’t even remember anymore. It was just a pull in his gut that told him where to go, who to kill. Though that tug in the pit of his stomach couldn’t even _begin_ to match the ache that settled whenever Yasuda was displeased.

Displeased with his training, displeased with the way he talked, displeased with how he hesitated the first few times he slit a man’s throat.

“What would he do when he’s displeased?” Itomi asked. Hidan’s eyes pinched, as if in pain, but his hand started spelling out words anyways.

_Hit. Starve. Run. Insult._

His stomach ached. He turned on his side and curled up, fisting a hand in his shirt over his gut. Those four words couldn’t even _begin_ to sum up the absolute agony of what went on.

“Are you feeling okay, Hidan? We could start somewhere else, if you’d--”

Hidan waved a hand dismissively. He was already this far in, he needed to finish it.

Yasuda would lead him to a bamboo patch and have Hidan pick out his own switch to be slapped with when he messed up reciting scriptures (he quickly learned the small ones hurt more). And if the switch broke, then _Yasuda_ got to pick a switch and he’d hit twice as hard.

He wouldn’t get to eat until he completed the task he was assigned, no matter how grueling it was (climb this cliff, swim five miles upriver, slice this tree clean in half...). If he couldn’t find something suitable to eat for the both of them, he’d be forced to run back and forth between towns while Yasuda ate his portion.

And even when he wasn’t displeased, there was always the insults.

 _“You could do better, little_ **_rat_ ** _.”_

_“Pathetic.”_

_“Insufferable brat.”_

_“Hopeless.”_

_“Oh, my poor little_ **_rat_ ** _.”_

But whenever he wanted to leave, to give up, Yasuda brush a thumb along his jaw, apply a poultice to his aches and scrapes, and smile, drawing him right back in with iridescent green eyes and a silky voice.

_“I only push you so hard because I have faith in you. You’ll never get revenge if you give up. You’ll never be able to protect your loved ones, you’ll just be stuck under the floorboards every time, just like a little rat.”_

God, Hidan hated being called _rat_ the most. Yasuda would grin and call him _his little rat_ while brushing knuckles across his cheek, his wide smile illuminated by the firelight.

 _“My little rat,”_ he’d croon quietly in the dead of night, calling Hidan from his tent. He’d roll over and stretch out and Hidan would obediently sit down beside him. He’d dig his fingers into the muscles on Yasuda’s back, massaging until he’d grunt in satisfaction and send him back to his tent.

 _“What a good little rat,”_ he’d purr when Hidan would drop to his knees without hesitation and wait with parted lips for Yasuda to undo his pants.

 _“What would you do without me, you rat?”_ Yasuda would hum, fingers wrapped around his throat, squeezing until the moment before he was going to black out and then releasing. He was blessed if he was allowed any other kind of release on those nights.

He fucking _hated_ his pet name, he hated the handprint bruises and bite marks left on him, like he was some-- some fucking _canvas_ to be painted on however Yasuda wished. He hated it, he _hated it._

 _He hated Yasuda so_ **_fucking much--_ **

“Hidan!”

His thoughts shattered, and he gasped, eyes shooting open. Itomi was kneeling on the floor a foot from him, one hand outstretched and glowing with chakra. And shaking. Her eyes were wide, almost panicked, and sweat was beading on her forehead.

Hidan sat up immediately, his heart pounding.

 _What happened?_ He signed. _What did I do?_

Itomi let out a shaky breath and the chakra from her hand vanished. She pushed herself weakly to her feet and collapsed back in her chair.

“It’s okay, there was no harm done--” She said, a hoarse laugh forcing itself from her throat.

“Itomi-sensei,” Hidan whispered, digging his fingers into the couch fabric. He couldn’t _bear_ the idea that he might have hurt her somehow, caught up in his memories as he had been. Itomi’s eyes widened and her halfhearted smile vanished. Her eyes lowered.

“You were-- _dripping,_ for lack of a better term, with killer intent,” she said. She pointed up and Hidan noticed for the first time that all the balls of light had vanished. No, not vanished, they were hiding under the rug. “You scared the wisps.”

 _Sorry,_ he signed, ducking his head and feeling his face burn with embarrassment. Itomi shook her head.

“It’s not the first time, actually. When trauma victims are asked to recall their tormentor, intense feelings of hate or anger often accompany them. A patient of mine once set the room on fire accidentally,” she said with a laugh that sounded more genuine. Hidan grunted softly, but it could only be called a laugh by a wide stretch.

“This is a good opportunity to work on managing flashbacks,” Itomi said, rubbing her hands together. “Would you like a cup of water?” Hidan hesitated before nodding. She smiled and stood up, vanishing out of the office for a few seconds and returning with a styrofoam cup of water, which she placed in Hidan’s unsteady hands. She lifted up the rug and gently coaxed the wisps out from under it until they were bobbing overhead once more. She sat down, crossed her legs, and it was already almost like the past ten minutes hadn’t even happened. Hidan was grateful, he supposed.

Itomi talked for awhile about ways to pull himself from flashbacks like that, offered him a snack but he refused (his stomach still ached something fierce), and soon his session was almost up.

“Hidan, look me in the eye for a moment, please,” Itomi said. Hidan blinked in surprise and slowly raised his eyes from her shoes. Her eyes were almost blinding; like someone had bottled sunlight in a chunk of amber. Itomi leaned forwards and her eyes grew sharp and intense. Hidan felt like he would melt.

“Please remember that you are not alone in this. You are an adult with the skills and resources to protect yourself that you did not have back then. You are not little, and you are not weak.”

The blaze in her eyes faded and she sat back with a gentle smile. Hidan blinked, snapping the spell, though the warmth from her gaze still buzzed in his chest. He stood up and bowed lightly to her, his fingers gripping at his pants.

 _Thank you,_ he signed. Itomi nodded and picked up her clipboard and pen, scribbling a few things down.

“Tell Sakura-chan that I said hello. And-- wait, Hidan, if I may...” She paused and Hidan turned around, his hand on the doorknob. Itomi gnawed on her lip.

“What became of Yasuda?” She asked. Hidan’s stomach twinged painfully and he almost threw up right then and there. But he lowered his gaze to the doorknob, twisting it slowly. He raised one hand, already making out the signs.

_I killed him._

* * *

 Sakura noticed in a heartbeat that Hidan wasn’t doing too hot. She elbowed him in the direction of the couch in the living room, and then vanished into the kitchen. He curled up on the couch, hands covering his stomach and grimaced around them.

He vaguely remembered Kakuzu saying something long ago, when a similar stomach ache had left him crumpled on a moth-eaten bed roll for a day. He couldn’t remember what had triggered it (his memories of anything during his time as a Jashinist were foggy) but Kakuzu had mentioned... “ _something_ conditioning.” He added that that was what they did with dogs, and Hidan nearly took his head off.

Sakura was back. With tea. And what looked like a hot water bottle. Both were handed over and she swatted his feet out of the way to take a seat on the couch as well. She turned on the TV onto some fuzzy weapons documentary and sat back in silence.

Not exactly the picture-perfect image of care, but Hidan found that it worked for him. He relaxed a little, sitting up and draping himself over the armrest. Whatever kind of tea she had made, his stomach calmed down about half of the way through it. He drained it anyways, and set the empty cup on the coffee table. Mustering his courage, he slowly reached out with his foot and poked her thigh. Her eyes flicked down to it and then up to meet Hidan’s eyes.

“Hm?”

 _Thank you,_ Hidan signed. Sakura stared for a moment before grunting and turning her head away.

“Yeah, no problem. It’s in my job description,” she muttered. Hidan felt his lips spread into a slow smile and he turned his head to the TV. It could have been more than a few second before Sakura gave him a gentle swat without warning.

“Quit smiling like that, you’re being ridiculous,” she complained. Hidan smiled wider and got himself a kick this time, Sakura shifting so that her back was to the armrest. “I said knock it off!” Hidan covered his mouth, but he was still cackling quietly.

“Do you wanna fuckin’ go?!” Sakura threatened playfully, raising a fist. Hidan grabbed the couch cushion and cowered beneath it, still chuckling. _Truce!_ He signed. _Truce!_

“Psh, what a baby,” she grumbled, but when Hidan put the cushion back down, she had a crooked smile on her face. Hidan found that this also worked for him. He felt something warm tingle at the base of his neck, and he vaguely wondered if it was her chakra signature making a comeback. But it faded, and Hidan could only assume he had been imagining it.

They finished up the documentary, their feet overlapping in the middle of the couch. It was-- comfortable. Relaxed. Hidan felt like it was exactly what he needed after that mess in therapy. Sakura made a late lunch, and then they went out into the backyard for some light training.

With the relatively good end to his day, he wasn’t prepared for the nightmares that trapped him when he went to sleep that night.

He _should_ have expected it. He hadn’t dwelled on ancient memories like that in... God, in _decades._ But when his head hit the pillow and he dropped off into sleep, the feeling of fingers wrapped around his throat took him by surprise.

 _“My darling, my rat, my precious little apprentice,”_ he breathed. If it were possible, Hidan would have sobbed. _Why can I never catch a fucking break?!_

Hidan felt like he was ten again, watching his mother be murdered from under the floorboards but unable to do much more than weep silently. He felt like he was thirteen again, able to snap a man’s neck but still so, _so_ helpless when Yasuda would do this. When he’d let himself into Hidan’s tent after travelling all day, with a hankering for... Hidan never knew, but Yasuda always got it anyways.

Weak, helpless, _fucking useless--_

“Hidan.”

His eyes shot open and he tensed at the feeling of someone sitting _in his bed, nonono_ **_no--_ **

“Hidan, Hidan, it’s just Sakura, _relax,_ I’m not gonna hurt you,” a soothing voice hummed. _It’s just Sakura._ Sakura, sitting on the edge of his bed, fingers gently running through his hair. Hidan swallowed his panic and forced himself to relax. Unclench his fingers from the pillow, stop hunching his shoulders, try to still his hammering heart.

Sakura was helping too, though.

She looked freshly awoken, her hair a tangled mess, her worn bathrobe hanging haphazardly off one shoulder. She was wearing a red camisole underneath and Hidan carefully focused on a wrinkle in the sheets instead of any of the numerous features of Sakura that he found attractive. He let out a shaky breath and turned his head into the pillow.

 _Sorry,_ he signed. His room was still dark, except for the light of his lamp. His clock read _3:17AM._

Sakura sighed and Hidan suppressed a pleased hum when she brushed her thumb over his temple. She seemed to be doing it thoughtlessly, now.

“It’s fine, it’s fine. Therapy ain’t a walk in the park, that’s for damned sure. It’ll get better, though, remember that. And, uh...” Sakura paused and cleared her throat. Hidan turned his head back just enough so that one eye could peer up at her. “... For what it’s worth, you have my support. I know I’m not the most-- _approachable_ person--” Hidan snorted weakly and Sakura swatted him. “Fuck you. I was _saying_ that if you ever need anything, just... just ask. I _am_ your caretaker. And like it or not, I _do_ care about you. You’ve-- you’ve earned it.”

Sakura’s ears had gone red and Hidan felt like someone had scooped out his insides and replaced them with butterflies. This was about the kindest thing Sakura had ever said to him and--

\--And he wasn’t quite sure how to reply. Sakura seemed to read something from his lack of a response and cleared her throat uncomfortably.

“I, uh... Should get back to bed,” she said, standing up. Hidan mourned the loss of her fingers in his hair immediately, but pulled his blanket up to his chin anyways. Sakura paused in his doorway, glancing over her shoulder.

“Goodnight, Hidan. Sleep tight.” She nodded her head in his direction and then exited, shutting the door behind her. Hidan watched it shut before letting out a long sigh and pulling his blanket up over his head.

_He was so fucking smitten._

* * *

 Sakura wasn’t there when he woke up in the morning. Just when he’d gotten his initial panic to die down, he got the shit scared out of him by walking into the dining room, only to see Tatsuki sitting at the end, sipping tea. He chuckled at the way Hidan jumped like a spooked cat.

“There was an emergency at the hospital that Sakura-chan had to take care of,” he said simply, not bothering with a greeting. His unruly hair was pulled back in a tiny ponytail today, and his black tank top didn’t quite line up with the quickly dropping temperatures. Hidan coughed and rubbed his arm, not quite... knowing what to do. Tatsuki was always good with figuring that out, though. He set down his tea cup and stood up, stretching his arms over his head and grinning at Hidan.

“Sakura asked me to watch over your training for today, but I am not about that life, so how about we go out?” He asked. Hidan frowned. _Out?_ He repeated in sign language before realizing that Tatsuki might not--

“Yes, _out._ As in, you go get changed and get some shoes on and we’ll take a walk. Maybe throw stones in a pond or something, I dunno,” he shrugged and then made shooing gestures at Hidan. “Go, go! Before Sakura’s Mom Senses start tingling and she comes home.”

Hidan didn’t quite understand what... exactly? Was going on?? But he did as he was told and changed into pants and his only non-tattered long-sleeve. When he exited his room, Tatsuki was waiting in the front hall, staring at the pictures on Sakura’s wall. He glanced over when Hidan shuffled over to his shoes.

“Question,” Tatsuki held up a finger, “do you like ramen or barbeque better?” Hidan hesitated before shrugging. Tatsuki rolled his eyes and turned to open the front door.  

“Yeah okay, barbeque it is,” he said decisively. Hidan just rolled with it.

* * *

 Hidan followed Tatsuki through the village, past apartments in chronic states of disrepair into an overgrown back corner. Upon a questioning shoulder tap from Hidan, he just smiled and said, “it’s cool, I promise.”

He walked over an arching stone bridge over a small creek and he had to agree that it was pretty cool. The creek wound itself lazily next to what might have once been called a road, but was now so cracked with tree roots that the point was moot. Stones were set in to indicate a path, but soon they ran out near a pile of other stones that would presumably continue the way.

Where there weren’t trees, there were clumps of flowers that looked like they had been freshly planted. There was a decent amount of shade cast by the trees, but not so much that sunlight couldn’t dapple the ground in patches.

“My own garden got a little too cramped, so I decided to expand. This place used to be a dump, but I’ve spent the last few weeks cleaning it up. Maybe it could be a little romantic walk or something, what say you?” He asked, hands on his hips. His eyes were bright and proud, like a child showing off their macaroni art.

 _It’s nice,_ Hidan signed. Tatsuki smiled.

“Would you like to help me work on it? I’m sure I could convince Sakura to give you a day off every once in awhile,” he said. Hidan looked around at the partially completed shade garden and then back at Tatsuki.

_I’d like that._

Tatsuki’s smile grew, if possible, even sweeter and Hidan glanced away, lest he become diabetic. They walked through Tatsuki’s budding garden, birds occasionally alighting on his shoulder. One had sat on Hidan’s head for an entire minute and he felt like he just just stepped out of a children’s fairy tale. It was magical.

Tatsuki took Hidan out to lunch (barbeque, as promised, which Hidan was strangely flattered about) and then down to the flea market. It was the biggest group of people Hidan had been around since getting out of the hospital, and he quietly prided himself on the lack of fear that made his ears twitch at every sudden noise. They still twitched, but Hidan felt less like running.

“Hey Hidan, what do you think?”

At the sound of his name, he turned to Tatsuki only to let out an unexpected snort of laughter at the sight of him wearing a violently purple top hat and monocle. He was also balancing a pen on his upper lip in place of mustache. He dropped it when he burst out laughing, holding his stomach.

“I think it would look better with a feather boa.”

Tatsuki jumped and whirled around, whipping off the hat in the process.

“L-lady Hinata!” He stammered before plunging into a bow. “Apologies, I didn’t see you there.” Hidan didn’t know who the newcomer was, but he bowed anyways. Even if Tatsuki _hadn’t_ freaked upon seeing her, Hidan probably would have felt inclined to do so in the first place. She was beautiful, but in a majestic, untouchable sort of way. Straight black hair was kept short in a feathery pixie cut and doe-like pearl eyes made it hard to met her gaze. The new woman laughed a little.

“I told you that just Hinata is fine. A friend of Sakura’s is a friend of mine,” she said. Hidan stood up slowly, but kept his head low. He felt like running, oh he _definitely_ felt like running. She was in a completely other social bubble, this wasn’t his place--

“And I assume this is... him.”

_Shit._

Hidan glanced up when her hand was offered to him.

“I don’t believe we’ve met. Hinata Hyuuga, clan heir-- wait, crap, you can ignore that last part,” Hinata said with a nervous laugh. “Too many political meetings, it’s habit now unfortunately.” He shook her hand and when he glanced up, she was flushed a sheepish pink. Some of the intimidation faded and Hidan found the strength to un-hunch his shoulders.

“Well, you probably know that this is Hidan. He doesn’t talk much,” Tatsuki supplied for the other man. Hidan waved a little as a means of greeting. Hinata smiled and switched her basket to her other arm.

“I see. Tell me, Hidan, how is Sakura doing?” She asked, head tilting. Hidan gnawed his lip and then made a balancing motion with his hands.

“So-so? That’s good, I suppose,” she said, though the slight sigh suggested that she was looking for something else. Hidan didn’t know what had disappointed her, but he felt bad anyways. Hinata opened her mouth to say something else, but whatever it was was cut off by another newcomer. This one was familiar though.

“I managed to talk the saleswoman down to 1700 yen,” Sasuke mumbled, holding up a windchime made of keys and glass beads. His eyes flicked to Tatsuki and Hidan, and after a tense moment, he inclined his head politely. Hinata clapped her hand lightly together, staring at the windchime with starry eyes.

“Oh, that one’s cute! We can hang it next to the spoon chime,” she said, brushing her fingers gently against one of the strands. Sasuke smiled gently at her (Hidan was _astounded_ at the way his demeanor shifted in her presence) before placing the windchime gently in her basket. Hinata switched arms with her basket once more so that she could loop an arm around Sasuke’s slim waist.

“Well, we have places to be, unfortunately,” Hinata hummed. “I’ll see you around, hopefully, Tatsuki...” She nodded at him. “Hidan.” There was a pause before she smiled and nodded as well. “Say hello to Sakura for me.”

Hidan nodded and stepped aside to allow Sasuke and Hinata to pass. Tatsuki and Hidan were watching them go when something occurred to the latter. He tapped Tatsuki’s shoulder to get his attention.

 _Why does everyone ask me how Sakura is? I don’t even talk._ Tatsuki tilted his head a little.

“You’re like, the only one who sees her on a daily basis. Hell, I’m the only one who sees her on a _weekly_ basis. We might be lucky to catch her at the hospital but...” He sighed and shook his head. “She holes herself up a lot. Nobody really knows what’s going on.”

Hidan glanced away and stared down at his hands.

_Ah. Explains a lot._

* * *

 Another thing Hidan did not expect Tatsuki to take seriously was his suggestion to skip rocks, but that’s exactly what they were doing. Standing on the edge of a dock, the sun setting on the horizon, with a pile of smooth stones as they chunked them into the water. Well, Hidan chunked; Tatsuki was mere feet away from being able to skip it to the other shore of the pond.

“Hmm... Favorite number,” Tatsuki grunted as he whipped another stone out over the water. He cursed lightly when it sank only three-quarters of the way across. Hidan raised an eyebrow in confusion but held up six fingers anyways.

“Six? Ha, as in--” Tatsuki cut himself off and frowned. “Bad joke, sorry, ignore me.” He skipped another stone and Hidan chuckled.

_Six as in Satan?_

Tatsuki chuckled sheepishly. “Yeah, forgot that it’s probably in bad taste.” Hidan shrugged a little and chucked another stone, pouting when it sank right into the pond. Again.

 _Jashinists don’t believe in Heaven or Hell or anything. They laugh at the idea of God and Satan. It’s all about... the present, I guess,_ Hidan signed, shrugging a little at the end. The truth was a lot more complicated, but he doubted anyone would want to sit through a lecture on the intricacies of living in the moment and being one with every living soul, sharing both their joy and their pain. Hidan doubted he even wanted to _give_ that lecture.

He winged another rock, and watched as it gave two feeble skips before sinking. He turned to look at Tatsuki, who was now snickering.

“Man, you suck at this,” he chuckled. Hidan rolled his eyes and flipped him the bird, which only made Tatsuki laugh harder.

“No, wait, look, you’re holding the rock wrong,” he said, pointing. Hidan looked at the stone in his hand, then back up at Tatsuki. He gave a little helpless shrug. Tatsuki snorted and held up his own stone. “One finger on the tip, middle fingers supporting the underside, thumb on the other end. See?” He noticed for the first time that Tatsuki had pretty fingers. Slender, with little callouses here and there. The hands of someone who used weapons a lot, but probably a middle-distance fighter.

Hidan blinked and mimicked him. Tatsuki nodded satisfactorily.

“Throw it like you’d throw a baseball, except parallel, you see? You’re aiming at an angle, and that’s why it’s sinking, and you’re gonna want to twist from the hips, like this...”

The rest of Tatsuki’s words kind of blurred together. Hidan wondered how Tatsuki could walk around in a tank top, when Hidan’s long sleeve was still leaving him chilled. Then again, Tatsuki always seemed to buzz with energy; the only thing he could compare it to was Naruto’s chakra signature, but that wasn’t quite accurate. Naruto’s was wild, barely contained, kind of like squinting at the sun. Tatsuki’s was more... controlled. Like a magnetic field. He wondered if that what caused the odd cowlick in his bangs at all times. Though with the ponytail, it kinda worked.

“--you even listening to me, bro?”

Hidan flinched and nearly dropped his stone. He nodded vigorously, but Tatsuki was laughing again, a hand on his stomach.

“You were totally zoned out, my friend,” he accused. Hidan flushed in embarrassment.

_Was not._

“You so were, don’t even deny it!” Tatsuki pointed a finger at him.

_I’m denying it._

“Okay, then prove it. Use my _expert advice_ and skip the stone four times. If you succeed, I’ll buy dango. If you fail, you’re taking me out to lunch next time. Deal?” Tatsuki stuck out his hand, eyebrow raised challengingly. Hidan squinted at him for a moment before taking his hand and shaking. This felt a lot like flirting, honestly.

But Hidan took his time picking the stone anyways, because he found that he didn’t particularly mind. There were worse people he could pine for--

Wait. _Shit._

Just as Hidan found a suitable stone, he fumbled and dropped it, where it bounced off the dock and oh so conveniently into the water. _Dammit._ He settled for a random one from the pile and stood up again.

“I’m thinking katsudon,” Tatsuki teased lightly. Hidan flipped him off once more before winding up (Tatsuki said something about being parallel to the water? Twisting his hips?) and flicking the stone across the pond.

_Skip, skip, skip... plonk._

Hidan clicked his tongue irritably and ran a hand through his hair, but Tatsuki was busy whooping too loudly for him to feel legitimately dejected. Lunch with Tatsuki wouldn’t be _that_ bad.

“THAT’S THE FIRST TIME I’VE WON A BET IN LIKE TWO YEARS!” Tatsuki cheered, bouncing around the deck. Hidan watched him, a crooked smile on his face. Yeah, there were definitely worse people he could pine after. Like--

“TATSUKI!”

Tatsuki froze and looked up the hill, where _(speak of the god damned devil)_ Sakura was standing, a tote bag over her shoulder and a hand on her hip. She looked angry for about five whole second before the facade cracked and she smiled.

“Cut that gay shit out. There are impressionable children around,” she taunted, making her way down the steep, rocky path to the dock. Hidan immediately noticed her sluggish movements. She must have been exhausted.

“Oh nooo~” Tatsuki wailed, drawing Hidan’s attention. He touched his forehead dramatically. “The children. The poor children. I’ve tainted the poor, innocent children with my sinful ways.” He twirled and began falling-- wait, _wait--_

Hidan scrambled to catch Tatsuki before he took a painful tumble onto the dock. Tatsuki had a shit-eating grin on his face as he cracked open one eye.

“By the way, Hidan, trust fall,” he said quietly. Hidan squinted and it was only after he dropped Tatsuki onto the deck did he realize that Tatsuki smelled like pine needles. Tatsuki let out an _oomph_ upon being unceremoniously plopped a whole two feet onto the deck, but he hopped up quickly enough.  

Sakura had finally made her way down the them and was watching them with an amused smile.

“C’mon, let’s go home,” she said without much precedence. Oh, she really _was_ tired. Hidan wondered what the emergency at the hospital had been if it had wiped her out this much. Sakura looked at Tatsuki and seemed to come to a conclusion.

“Actually, I change my mind. Tatsuki, take me home,” she said, letting her tote bag slip off her shoulder and holding her arms out. Tatsuki chuckled, but turned out and crouched a little to allow Sakura to clamber on his back. Hidan picked up her bag and swung it over his shoulder, watching Sakura with a small bloom of affection in his chest.

“Man, I gotta climb the hill like this?” Tatsuki whined.

“Shut up, asshole, I know you’re strong enough,” Sakura mumbled. Tatsuki grumbled good-naturedly, but began walking back down the dock. Hidan followed close behind, sparing one last look for the setting sun behind him.

Sakura was out cold by the time Tatsuki reached the top of the hill, cheek smooshed against the back of his neck (Hidan was only a little jealous). The sky had faded to a pretty lavender color, stars beginning to make their first stand as they walked home. In sneaking looks at Sakura from the corner of his eye, Hidan realized that this was the first time he had seen her truly asleep.

No anger, no tension. A little bit of drool, but Hidan thought it was cute. Without really thinking, he reached forward and brushed a few stray hairs from her face. Sakura’s nose wrinkled up, but then she sighed and tipped her chin up into the touch.

Against his better judgement, Hidan let his hand stay, his thumb brushing lightly over her forehead. He glanced up when Tatsuki twisted his head to look over his shoulder at her. He met Hidan’s eyes and they shared a small smile.

Oh yes. He was _definitely_ smitten.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I DID put in some domestic SasuHina into this chapter simply to spite the asshole that keeps sending anon hate. 
> 
> I am a salty fucker.


	9. Delimit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, long time no see. 
> 
> First off, I apologize for the long wait for this chapter. The sudden death of a close family member, combined with a stressful move and school starting left me with little time or energy to write. I also apologize for this chapter being slow and/or full of typos, I really just want to get it out of the way. Staring at the same shit for four months made my drive crust up, but I'm sure the next couple won't be nearly as bad because EXCITING SHIT IS GONNA GO DOWN MY DUDE 
> 
> Also maybe some gay. 
> 
> Next, you'll notice that the question mark in the chapter count is gone!! Yes, I have actually planned to the last chapter, and while the chapter count may change, it won't be by much. 
> 
> Thirdly, thank all of you who left such kind comments, I am truly and deeply grateful!!! Each paragraph of this chapter was written with your words in mind and helped me power through, so you can really thank yourselves for this one

**_‘Sakura, he’s fucking doing it again.’_ **

Sakura groaned and rolled over in bed, pulling her pillow her face. By now she had learned to ride out the waves of fear and anger radiating from Hidan’s room, but it had woken her up with tears on her face and a cold sweat soaking her sheets the first time. Chakra projections _this_ strong only happened in the restricted ward of the hospital, with shinobi fresh from their first S-ranked missions. Some crippled to the point of never being able to return to the life of a ninja.

 _‘Yeah, yeah. I’m up, I’m up,’_ she thought sluggishly, throwing off her blankets and sitting up.

The nightmares came almost every other night, and Sakura was beginning to forget what a good night’s sleep felt like _._ Inner was getting _prickly_. Sakura padded gently over the mess in her room and down the hall to Hidan’s door.

He was curled on his bed, back to the wall, and shivering. As was typical for his nightmares, but tonight his arms were clenched tightly over his head. Sakura sighed and sat down on the edge of his mattress, resting a hand on his bicep.

“Hidan, you’re safe,” she murmured, leaning close to be heard. “You’re at home, you’re with Sakura, and you’re safe.”

She had learned early on that even if he wasn’t awake, some part of his subconscious heard her and reacted appropriately. She only needed to repeat it a few times before Hidan’s labored breathing eased a little and his muscles started to relax. Absently, Sakura took her chance to run her fingers through his hair, now that his arms weren’t locking her out. Little wisps of chakra bubbled on the pads of her fingers and sank into his scalp, lightly stimulating a few key brain chemicals.

Nothing too drastic, but if anyone was in need of a dose of dopamine and oxytocin, it was Hidan.

 _God,_ Sakura was tired. Despite how close she was to Hidan, her mind felt a million miles away, still halfway in dream land, only the most basic sensory input information making its way to her brain. Hidan’s hair was thick, but kind of scratchy. The small scab on his cheek from face-planting the dirt a few days ago was ripe for being picked at. The surgical scars on his neck, while faded, still had a slight lumpy texture to them.

There was a lot to notice about Hidan, Sakura thought. Sure, he was quiet, but at the same time he was pretty damned loud. Fidgeting fingers and low grumbles and shuffling feet. She would have to think of exercises to make him break those habits.

**_‘How about--’_ **

_‘I will NOT be doing electroshock therapy.’_

**_‘You are no fuckin’ fun.’_ **

In her distraction, Sakura didn’t notice that her thumb was now rubbing gentle circles on his cheek. Hidan sighed shakily, and rolled slightly into the touch. No subtlety whatsoever.

 **_‘How unprofessional, Sakura,’_ ** Inner commented slyly. Sakura sighed. Inner always got liberal (and _pesky_ ) when Sakura got distracted, but it was--

Wait.

_Wait._

**_‘D_ ** _I_ **_S_ ** _T_ **_R_ ** _A_ **_C_ ** _T_ **_I_ ** _O_ **_N!’_ ** Both personalities blurted at the same time. Sakura blinked, suddenly wide awake, and glanced down at Hidan one last time, just to be sure he would be okay for the rest of the night. To the naked eye, he looked like he was having a completely normal slumber. Good.

Sakura bolted gently from the bed, ghosting out of his room and into the living room, where she flicked on the light. She grabbed a piece of notebook paper and a pen from the Junk Drawer in the kitchen and scribbled out a hasty note. She accidentally bit her thumb a little too hard for the summoning, (which hardly mattered) but _why hadn’t she thought of this before, this was such a good idea!_

She handed her hasty note to Katsuyu’s mini clone, who dispelled, on her way to inform Tsunade that she’d see her at the mission assignment desk tomorrow.

* * *

 Hidan was fucking _tired._

Sakura had woken him up in a whirl, tossing clothes and a comb in his face and telling him to get ready. Ready for what, she wouldn’t tell him. Only grinned and said it was surprise training.

There wasn’t much to gain from arguing, so he wearily did as he was told. Brushed his teeth, combed his hair, and jammed his foot into his sandal whilst hopping on one foot as Sakura dragged him out of the house right as the sun was rising. God, she wouldn’t even let him have _coffee._

Pure evil.

It was too early for many people to be out on the streets, just shopkeepers opening for the day, who smiled and waved at Sakura. Hidan even felt brave enough to nod politely to a few vaguely familiar faces, earning him a proud elbow from Sakura.

They reached a plain little building labelled “Ninja Academy” and for the thirtieth time that morning, Hidan frowned in two parts confusion and one part concern at Sakura. For the thirtieth time, she brushed him off and threw open the doors.

They walked past the classrooms to the wide-open space with the ugly fluorescent lights and the long table that Tsunade was already seated at. Izumo and Kotetsu were snoring gently in the chairs to her right, using each other as props. Tsunade, however, was sitting back in a relaxed manner, a half-empty steaming mug of coffee sitting in front of her. Her fingers were steepled and her eyes were sharp, expectant in the manner of someone who had clearly been waiting for them.

 _Ah_. So that explained Sakura’s exuberant rushing this morning.

“Sakura,” she said with a slow blink. Sakura bowed, lowkey stepping on Hidan’s toes to get him to do the same.

“Tsunade-shishou,” she replied. Civil, cool, collected. Good. “I’m taking Hidan out on a mission. For training and rehab purposes, so I need something relatively easy.” Tsuande hummed and separated her fingers, her eyes flicking down to stare at the neat stacks of paperwork before her.

“It’s been, what, seven months? He should be able to handle a C-ranked mission at this point, yes?” She asked. Neither woman noticed, but Hidan pursed his lips slightly. He was _right there,_ they could just _ask him--_

"Of course he can. Who do you think has been training him?” She said with an eyeroll. Hidan sighed and shifted his weight to his right foot. Nothing to be done, he supposed...

Tsunade’s lips cracked into a smile and she pulled a stack of papers towards her, beginning to flick through them. She paused on one and chuckled as she yanked it from the pile.

“Looks like Tora has gone missing again--”

“You’re _shitting_ me,” Sakura cut off, her shoulders sagging. Tsunade let out a loud bark of laughter (startling Izumo and Kotetsu awake) before handing out the sheet of paper.

“I am. How does an escort sound? A diplomat from the Land of Iron’s original bodyguards are hospitalized with the worst case of food poisoning I’ve seen in years, so she needs a few replacements," she explained as Sakura scanned over the paper. “Tatsuki will be going with you.”

Sakura frowned.

“Why do we need an ANBU on this mission?” She asked, immediately suspicious.

“Tatsuki’s off-duty for the time being. Sour mission; he needs something easy to relax back into the game,” she said. The calm we she said it didn’t quite explain why Hidan’s stomach suddenly dropped, shriveling into something cold and heavy.

There were a lot of fucking ways you could take _“sour mission.”_

“Point aside, you leave bright and early tomorrow morning." Sakura folded up the piece of paper and pocketed it with a bow. Tsunade nodded and Sakura turned around and left with Hidan trailing behind her. They left the academy just as other teachers began trailing in to start the day.

"Have you ever been to the Land of Iron?" Sakura asked as they exited the building. Hidan pursed his lips and wavered his hand in a so-so motion. He was _fairly_ sure he’d been there, but he definitely did not remember much. Snow and mountains? Then again, that could be a multitude of other places as well.

“That wasn’t vague at all,” Sakura mumbled with a grunt of laughter. “Well, I have, and I know that we need to get you some warmer clothing. And some gear-- WAIT!” Sakura stopped and threw her arm out, scaring the hell out of Hidan in the process. “What time is it? Is it eight?” Sakura whirled around and checked the clock over the door to the academy. It read--

“7:45! Close enough!” She shouted. She turned to look at Hidan and grinned. When he got over the feeling of being hit by a carriage (Sakura _rarely_ grins like that), Hidan thought to ask what the hell was going on.

 _What?_ He signed. Sakura tilted her head.

“Let’s go get it, it should be ready,” she said. Hidan simply repeated his earlier hand gesture. _What?_ Sakura opened her mouth to say something when her expression suddenly blanked.

“Shit... I forgot to tell you...” She whispered. Hidan was getting nervous.

_Tell me what?_

Sakura sighed. “Tenten’s assistant swung by yesterday, he said that your scythe was just about done. Knowing Tenten, that means she’s sharpening it until you can slice a hair down the shaft. Let’s g-- _woah._ ”

Hidan grabbed her hand and was pulling her down the street towards Tenten’s shop. It was the most initiative he’d taken on... well, _anything._ Sakura laughed and let herself be dragged along for once in her life.

* * *

 They reached the shop right as Tenten’s assistant, a boy of barely sixteen, flipped the little sign on the counter from closed to open. He smiled at the sight of Sakura and Hidan (who had manage to tame his excitement by this point) and waved.

“Good morning, you two. I presume you’re here to pick up Hidan-san’s scythe?” He asked politely. Sakura and Hidan nodded at the same time, which only made him laugh. He gestured back behind the curtain.

“Take it away from her before she tries to rework the handle. _Again,_ ” he said with a shake of his head. Sakura nodded and swept the curtain aside, heading back into the heat of the shop. It was cooler than last time, but only marginally, as the oven hadn’t been fired up yet. Tenten was frowning in front of a block, something long and black and silver laid out on it. She glanced up at the sound of the pair’s approach.

“Wh-- you’re _early!_ ” She blurted. One of her buns was falling loose and one hand was covered in small bandages. She scratched her head, stared down at the weapon and wrinkled her nose.

“This one gave me a hell of a time. It’s been awhile since I’ve done scythes, but. Uh. There it is, I guess. Sorry if the engraving is chunky, I’m not used to the alphabet you wrote--”

Hidan shook his head vehemently as stared down at his brand new weapon. The staff was pitch black, the pommel a small silver blade, and the handle was wrapped in fresh white leather. Right above that were the words he’d asked to be inscribed (and they were _far_ more graceful than he could ever pull off, he had no idea what Tenten meant by _chunky_ ). The blade itself was a graceful slope, ending in a razor tip (he was fairly sure he _could_ slice a hair in half lengthwise), but what really did it for him was the _gold._

“It’s only, like, eight-karat gold, so don’t worry about it being soft, but I thought it would look nice between the black and damascus steel,” Tenten said, looking down at it with glowing eyes. She looked like a proud mother, and Hidan couldn’t blame her. It really _was_ a gorgeous blade.

Hidan wrapped his fingers around the shaft and lifted it. It was lighter than his last scythe, and more balanced. He gave it a small flick and it spun slowly on the tip, the wavy patterns of the edge catching the light. Oh, he _loved_ it.

He was startled from his admiration by Sakura lightly touching the small of his back. He glanced down and she raised an eyebrow at him.

“Wanna test it out a little?” She said. Hidan blinked. _Now?_ He signed. Sakura nodded. Hidan looked down at the scythe, then back at Tenten, who just shrugged.

“It’s your weapon, might as well see if I’m as good as Sakura probably made me out to be.” She blinked in realization. “ _Hold_ up, if you mean now, then I totally want to see.” Hidan’s eyes went back to Sakura. She looked disinterestedly at her nails.

“I don’t think anybody would be in training field four around this time...”

“Monoma!” Tenten yelled, stripping off her gloves, “watch the shop, I’m going out for a little bit!”

 _Oh, I guess we’re doing this..._ Hidan swallowed and gripped his scythe tightly. He wanted to test out the scythe, sure, but also wasn’t sure what Sakura had in mind when she said _“test out.”_ It was probably something grueling, no doubt. Well, she couldn’t really make him puke anymore, so he supposed the worst that could happen is him getting his butt kicked.

_Let’s do this._

Swinging it easily over his shoulder, he followed Sakura and Tenten out of the workshop and down the road. He couldn’t help but lowkey eavesdrop on them; it was quite easy, they were only about four feet ahead of him.

“How have you been?”

“Oh, you know, pretty much the same.”

“Are... you sure? I know we were never really the closest, but you know you can talk to me whenever, right?”

A tense laugh.

“Thank you, Tenten, but really, I’m fine. How’s Monoma’s training been going?”

Polite, but solid subject change. Hidan frowned. She was acting like she had been when Hidan was still in the hospital, freshly un-exploded. Cheery, polite, distant, _fake._ God, he _hated_ when she was like this. Dressing up in the faces that people wanted to see to put off the day when everything would finally catch up with you.

Hidan had spent _decades_ like that.

Sakura popped open the gate to the training field and gestured extravagantly for Hidan and Tenten to enter. Tenten laughed, but Hidan avoided eye contact. It wouldn’t have been unusual, except this was _Sakura_ , and normally he would have loved nothing more than to have an excuse to stare at her pearly greens, but he was... not _angry,_ per se, just--

Disappointed. (Oh, _who’s_ the parental figure now?)

Sakura pretended not to notice.

Tenten hung back along the dirt path as Hidan and Sakura made their way to the middle of the field of grass. Hidan spun his new scythe through his hands a few times, experimenting with the weight and grip of it. Practically flawless in every area.

He doubted he’d ever get his hands on a piece of work like this ever again.

"I want you to go all out, Hidan. Show me what I’ve taught you up to this point,” she said. Wait, what? That wasn’t part of the deal. Hidan paused, frowning. He didn’t want to go all out on _anyone_ , especially not Sakura.

She sighed and rolled her eyes.

“Alright, fine then,” she muttered. She tapped her foot on the ground and Hidan watched as a lump of dirt rose up and turned itself into a perfect clone of Sakura. Well, not perfect. The clone’s whole color scheme was mildly desaturated, a little more... well, earthy.

“Go all out on _this._ You’ll be hurting exactly nothing and no one,” she said. She squinted and plucked a worm from the shoulder of the clone and flicked it away. “Okay, _now_ you’re hurting no one.” Tenten laughed, and Sakura offered an airy chuckle in response. Sakura’s clone remained creepily blank-faced.

“Now, Hidan...” Hidan glanced up, sensing the change in Sakura’s tone. He flinched when she noticed her Shit-Eating Grin. _Oh no._

“Since I expect you to give it your best, I won’t be going easy on you.” she said, the Grin shifting to a saccharine smile. _Oh no, oh no._

Sakura patted her clone on the shoulder and went to stand next to Tenten. He watched her go, then turned back to the clone. It had already taken out a kunai and was settled in a defensive stance. Hidan quickly shifted his stance and gripped his scythe a little tighter.

As if on cue, it vanished from his sight, and Hidan’s head twitched a little before he braced his scythe to the left, keeping the clone’s kick from hitting him directly, but not quite keeping him from being sent tumbling. Hidan righted himself, grinding his feet into the dirt and sliding to a stop.

 _Shit,_ it was strong.

“Clones only have about one tenth the strength of the user, fun fact!” He heard Tenten yell, but he didn’t dare spare even a second to acknowledge her, because the clone was running at him, a second kunai in its other hand.

Hidan angled his scythe in front of him, blocking the kunai it flung, ducked under its fist and kicked out at its knees-- too late, he missed, and he barely managed to dodge a fist that cracked the earth behind him. Jesus _christ,_ she wasn’t kidding.

God, this was _fun._

The clone lashed out with the kunai and Hidan arched back, staked the blade of his scythe in the ground and propped his weight delicately on it, giving him the moment he needed to give a powerful kick to the clone’s gut. It grunted and fell back, and Hidan quickly righted himself.

“Good improv,” Sakura yelled from the sidelines. Hidan grinned crookedly and was the first one to swing this time. He swung down diagonally at it, which it dodged (of course), and leaned to the left to allow the scythe to continue its roundabout momentum in his hand. Barely a second after he had slashed, he drove the hilt of the scythe up the clone’s chest and followed up with a swift swipe that took the clone’s head right off. It crumbled into a pile of earth again.

Hidan took a step back, feeling a chill go down his spine. That... had gotten a lot more serious than he would have liked it to. It was just a sparring session, and-- fuck, regardless of whether he was fighting a clone or not, he shouldn’t be going for _headshots._

Tenten let out a soft whistle.

“Damned _savage,_ Hidan,” she said with a laugh, but it sounded appreciative, not tense. He was thankful for that, at least. He looked hesitantly at Sakura, waiting for her judgement. Sakura was staring at the pile of earth that used to be her clone. Her eyes flicked to Hidan suddenly and he flinched. She tapped her foot again and three more clones appeared.

“How long can you keep that up?” She asked with a small smirk. It felt like she was taking a careful peek around her mask, and Hidan smiled in return. Then he shrugged, because multiple clones were on a whole other level.

Sakura nodded her head and her three clones jumped into action.

Seven long months of mind-numbing conditioning was suddenly paying off in reflexes Hidan hadn’t even realized he had been honing. He snatched the kunai that had been flung at him right out of the air and hurled it back without even thinking. It thunked into the chest of another clone, and it crumbled like the first one. Two more rose from the ground and Hidan quickly caught onto Sakura’s game.

_How long can you keep that up?_

One clone swept his feet out from under him and he rolled out of the way, narrowly avoiding being squashed like a bug. He idly wondered if the clones would _actually_ squish him given the chance, but he didn’t really want to find out. Having an extraordinarily talented medic as your trainer usual meant that he got pushed a lot harder due to the fact she could fix almost anything.

 _Almost_ anything. Hidan’s neck still clicked if he popped it the wrong way after Sakura accidentally smashed him in the face with an eight-pound medicine ball. _Sheesh._

Hidan sliced the legs off one clone and slipped under another, fluid as water, flinging his scythe into the air to free up both arms so that he could wrap one clone in a headlock, snapping its neck and then flinging into two other clones where all three of them exploded in clods of dirt. He backflipped neatly over a clone that had tried to body slam him from behind and easily caught his falling scythe.

There were twelve clones now, surrounding him in a haphazard circle and for the first time, Hidan noticed that he had more than two spectators now. Three unfamiliar faces had joined Sakura and Tenten, and Hidan wasn’t sure how he felt about that.

Before he could figure it out, two clones doubled up on him, going for his head and feet at the same time.

It was like something just... clicked.

One second he was staring at a fist heading rapidly for his face, the next he was several feet away, staring at the back of one of the clones, as the other two smashed a log to splinters. He heard Sakura whistle proudly, and two of the strangers let out triumphant whoops.

_Woah._

Hidan grinned and took out the unaware clone in front of him with a quick swipe, and ducked away once the other clones realized their mistake. Four of them dove for him at once, but he threw them for the loop when he charged, using their moment of confusion to use them as a prop to vault over them. He landed neatly and turned around, ready to face the growing swarm of them. Ha, he could do this _all day--_

He froze. Fourteen clones stood before him in a rough semicircle, the rising sun behind them casting long shadows towards him. An old fear suddenly sparked in his brain, a panic that told him _“don’t let the shadows touch you.”_

He scrambled back, and that was enough for the clones. Some of them rushed (he couldn’t count, just _don’t touch the shadows_ ) and his muddied reflexes were far, _far_ too slow to block the kick that sent him tumbling across the training field. His head thumped against a stray stone and the world started ringing.

_Shit._

Even when he slid, scraping, to a stop, everything kept spinning and he could vaguely hear those three strangers letting out similar pained hisses on his behalf. _Shit._

He might’ve blacked out for a moment. Reality tripped out for several seconds, and he couldn't make out anything; up from down, left from right, reality from hallucinations. He groaned and curled his first in the grass, fighting off a wave of nausea.

Slowly, everything was coming back to him. Smells (dirt had lodged itself practically up his nose), tastes (the coppery tang of blood rolled across his tongue), aches and pains from being launched into orbit (or at least it _felt_ that way), and voices. Just one.

“--so sorry, Hidan, I shouldn’t have had them going so hard on you. Can you hear me? Hey, hey, c’mon, look at me. _Shit,_ that was a hard kick, goddamn...”

Hidan opened his eyes and Sakura swam into view, her brows pinched in a mixture of worry and anger. Mostly at herself. Hidan sat up with a low groan and brushed dirt off his shoulder. Sakura’s hand cupped his face, making him flinch until the buzzing warmth of her healing chakra sank into his skin and he melted into it.

“Well, not a concussion but that’s gonna be one ugly goose egg,” she said with a forced chuckle. Hidan didn’t reciprocate. As predictably as the seasons changing, hot embarrassment crawled through his gut and up his neck.

Dammit. _Dammit._

* * *

 They went home, both sour and tense. By the time Hidan had the sense to evaluate his surroundings, the three strangers, whoever they had been, had vanished, along with Tenten. Sakura helped him to his feet, and stuck close to his side as they walked home.

“Hidan, uh...” Sakura said as she closed the door behind them. Hidan (in the process of trying to go hide in his room _again_ ) paused, turned slightly. Sakura frowned to herself, eyes casting this way and that before she forced herself to meet his eyes.

“I’m sorry. I should have-- I should _know_ your limits by now, and I’m sorry. My responsibility as your doctor is to make you better and I just... keep fucking up. I’m sorry.” Sakura wrapped her arms around herself and tried to scurry away into the kitchen.

Hidan wouldn’t let her.

A hand on her elbow made her pause, but she wouldn’t meet his eyes. Hidan sighed and placed both hands on her shoulders, turning her to face him. He _had_ to make sure she knew what he--

Hand signs wouldn’t cut it this time. He swallowed the ball of nerves in his throat and opened his mouth.

“It was...” He winced at unsteadiness of his voice, but pressed on. “N-never your-- fault.”

Sakura blinked once, and then her eyes widened. To Hidan’s dismay, she pulled out of his light grip and turned around.

“I, uh. Just... need a moment,” she said, her voice hoarse. Then she disappeared into the kitchen. Hidan pursed his lips and turned around, heading the opposite direction, into the living room. He dropped onto the couch and curled up, his head pillowing itself on the armrest.

Hidan thought back to what had happened on the training field. He could practically hear Itomi’s voice in his head, telling him to carefully sort through his memory and try to find the source of what made him panic. Since this was was recent, it probably wouldn’t cause too much damage to talk a closer look.

He’d been doing fine until he saw the shadows. So, he was afraid of the dark, but it was more than that. It was the branches of them stretching towards him, the angle of the son making them look less like humans and more like grasping fingers. He was afraid of shadows, but it was more than _that_.

He was afraid of Shikamaru.

Hidan grumbled low in his chest and rolled over, gnawing on his nail. It bothered him. Shikamaru wasn’t a threat to him anymore (sort of), he hadn’t even _been_ there. Just stupid shadows, stretched long and skinny by the rising sun. He made a mental note to mention that to Itomi.

He heard a knock on the living room wall and raised his head. Sakura stood there, two steaming mugs in her hands.

“Uh... Tea?” She said awkwardly. Hidan sat up and tucked his legs beneath him, criss-cross. Sakura sat beside him, handing him a mug and proceeding to blow gently on hers.

“Hidan, that, uh...” Sakura frowned, look a gulp of her tea, and winced. “That was really good. In the hall. Good progress, I mean it,” she said. Hidan raised an eyebrow, and sipped his tea.

 _Thank you,_ he signed. Sakura looked at it and wrinkled her nose.

“It’s always all or nothing with you, isn’t it?” She said. Hidan wavered his hand in a so-so gesture. She snorted softly and tipped her mug back again.

Hidan turned and placed his feet on the ground, Sakura readjusting likewise, and they sat quietly for a few minutes, just close enough that their thighs were touching. The tea and the company helped ease the cold dread that sat almost perpetually in his gut.

Sakura sighed through her nose and traced her fingers around the rim of her cup.

“How much do you know about the War?” Sakura asked. Hidan paused, swallowed nervously, before shrugging neutrally. He hadn’t even heard about it until a few weeks ago, in one of his appointments with Itomi. She didn’t say much, but it explained why the ninja population so sparse, why _he_ of all people had been dug up.

 _It was bad,_ he signed. Sakura nodded.

“I was about... sixteen? When it started, I mean. I was already Tsunade’s right hand, along with Shizune-san, and that put me at the head of most operations. I saved the Kazekage’s brother, even.” A small, sad huff.

“Until the war, the patients I’d lost were few and far between; people commended me for even trying to save them, they were so far gone. I... I started getting... Cocky. Medical hubris, they call it. I thought I could save anyone.”

She took another sip of her tea, but made a face; it had gotten cold. She set it down on the table, and Hidan followed suit, shifting a little so that his body was angled towards her. Sakura crossed her arms over her torso.

“But then the war came, and everything changed. Soon it became that the patients I _could_ save were few and far between. Even worse, I was responsible for taking down the names of dead; a _library_ wouldn’t have been enough paper to take them down. I started taking them down on the side of tents, carving them into the side of my examination table--” Sakura stopped abruptly and covered her face with shaking hands. Hidan’s heartbeat was rushing through his ears; he didn’t know how to comfort her, what he should _do--_

“Your operation was the first one I had taken on months.”

Hidan blinked slowly.

“I just... I _need_ you to be a success, Hidan.” She suddenly turned her gaze on him. “Am I doing it right? Are you... getting better?”

Hidan almost laughed. Almost. Instead, he smiled crookedly and gently took her hand from where it had been clenched around her arm. He pressed his palm against hers, aligning their fingers, and after gathering his courage, looked her square in the eye.

Sakura looked confused. Hidan was patient. The realization dawned on her slowly. His hand, worn with callouses, nails bitten short, large and warm, scarred but steady.

Hidan remembered when his hand had been pale, skeletal, shaky, and clammy. It was a _huge_ improvement, and there were times like this when his gratitude almost overwhelmed him. Hidan dropped his eyes, but she didn’t need them anymore.

“Do you see it?” He asked. Sakura smiled and easily slipped her fingers through his, giving a brief squeeze.

“I do.”

The moment stretched, and Sakura realized she was stepping out of her professional boundaries again. She cleared her throat and released his hand, scooching away to put an inch of distance between them. This time, Hidan didn’t mind.

“We, ah... We still have a mission tomorrow,” she said softly. “You need some new gear. You up for some shopping?” She said as she stood up. Hidan nodded, and picked up both of their teacups to take to the sink. Once his back was to her, he let the dumb smile he’d been smothering onto his face. He liked it when she smiled like that; she should do it more often.

It was only when he was pulling on his shoes as Sakura fixed her hair did Hidan realize that the warmth in his chest hadn’t faded. It flickered gently, like a candle, but it was there. He glanced at Sakura, watched as she twisted her hair up into a bun on the back of her head. Lips pursed slightly in concentration, brows furrowed. Hidan probed gently with his chakra. For the first time in awhile, his attempts weren’t smacked back at him. Her chakra bubbled shallowly, but warmly for the most part

Progress, he supposed.

“I’ve been poked at more subtly by blind genins, Hidan.”

_Fuck._


	10. Pernicious

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, me here again ^^" Bet you thought you'd seen the last of me, yeah?
> 
> Well, unfortunately no. Sorry for the awful wait, I feel so bad for giving you guys like... false hope...? I keep saying I'm super motivated to write new chapters, but then I... don't. Er, yeah. I won't make anymore promises about update TIME, per se, but I can say that some exciting shit will go down later. 
> 
> On another note, I've done some sketches of Tatsuki, which I will post on my instagram once they're done! You can find me at angryredheadedpotato on there, if you're interested. 
> 
> And finally, I'm sorry to my reader's who are iffy with OCs, Tatsuki ended up having a far greater role in this than I originally intended. He's rly fuckin gay in this chapter, whoops. Once again, thank you to all of you who read this, and a shoutout to zefive for leaving such a sweet comment last chapter <3 <3

Hidan straightened his vest and stepped out of his bedroom, where Sakura waited, leaning against the opposite wall. He spread his arms and raised an eyebrow questioningly. Sakura gave him an appreciative once over and snorted. 

“Lookin’ good, tough guy. However...” She stepped forward and reached her fingers into his collar. Hidan stiffened--

\--as she yanked out a tag and held it up with a cheeky smirk on her face. Hidan glanced away and scratched his flushed cheek sheepishly. 

They hadn’t gotten home from shopping until later in the evening, and Sakura had booted Hidan’s ass right to bed while she stayed up refreshing her supply of medicine balls. Hidan, unaware of the sheer awfulness of them, had been forced to try one that morning. Granted, he felt great, but he had brushed his teeth four times to get rid of the taste (and even then it still lingered). 

“We should make our way to the gates; that’s where the noble and Tatsuki are supposed to meet us,” Sakura said. She was looked sharp in her battle kimono, kunai holster on her thigh and her hair French braided tight and out of the way. 

Hidan had spared a glance or two. Or three. Sakura patted his pockets, making sure his standard equipment was all there, despite the fact that he had triple checked before exiting his room. Bandages: check, kunai and shuriken: check, chakra pills: check, concentrated amounts of anxious energy: check and double check. 

Hidan swallowed and strapped his shiny new scythe to his back as Sakura shouldered her heavy bag of medical supplies and lead the way out the door, locking it behind her. She gave it a wistful stare, before knocking the frame twice. Hidan nudged her gently and tilted his head in confusion Sakura chuckled to herself. 

“Old family tradition. It’s... for good luck. We always did it when we went on trips outside the village,” she murmured. Hidan made note of her use of past tense. 

Past tense never boded well. He decided not to think about it. 

The sky was starting to turn pink with the rising sun as they made their way through the village; it was peaceful without all the shopkeepers, the running kids, and occasional street performers. 

“This is nice. Maybe I should add daily jogs around the village to our training regime, eh Hidan?” Sakura chided, elbowing him sharply. Hidan gave her a squinty look of disapproval but didn’t really object to it. He was sickeningly weak to any activity involved with the kunoichi. 

Halfway to the gates, Tatsuki ran into them, munching tiredly on rice balls. 

“Good morning,” he rumbled warmly, if a bit wearily. Sakura gave his shoulder an amiable squeeze once he got close enough. 

“Hey, sorry about Mamoru,” she said gently. Tatsuki’s expression soured. 

“It happens,” was all he felt inclined to reply with. Hidan’s brows furrowed in worry. The words  _ ‘sour mission’  _ rang in his head, and Hidan felt himself scanning Tatsuki up and down for any other indications. He was more slouchy than usual, hair thrown back into a haphazard ponytail, and peeking out of his collar was what looked liked a still-healing injury of some sort, tender and pink

“Hey, Hidan. Been awhile, hasn’t it? You still owe me that lunch date, by the way,” he said. Hidan’s eyes flicked back up to his and he shrugged a little in greeting. Tatsuki grinned and slugged his bicep. 

“Giving me the silent treatment? How cruel. I want a divorce,” he jibed. Hidan snorted and proceeded to flip him off. Tatsuki placed a hand over his chest and pained a pained noise. 

“You  _ wound  _ me, my love,” he said, but his babyish pout cracked and he was soon cackling and slapping Hidan between the shoulders. 

The three of them made their way to the gates, chatting and making small talk (Tatsuki even shared his last rice ball) and then they happened upon the noble. All of them stopped dead and Sakura immediately bowed. Tatsuki and Hidan followed, more slowly. 

She was an older woman, breath-takingly tall and thickly built, with cool, umber skin. She dripped with regality and composure, but she was dressed like a peasant in simple, worn clothes. She raised an eyebrow upon seeing them. 

“You are my escorts, I assume?” She said slowly, her accent mild but undeniably attractive. 

Sakura was the first one to straighten up and step forward. 

“Yes ma’am. My name is Sakura Haruno, and these are my associates Hidan and Tatsuki. We look forward to working with you,” she said. Hidan pursed his lips at her politeness, but he didn’t really get the feeling she was faking. This noble was simply that striking. Hidan was thoroughly intimidated. 

The noble picked at a stray thread on the hem of her tunic. 

“I appreciate your coming on such short notice, but I have important business to attend to back home. I look forward to working with you three as well.” She curtsied, but her eyes flicked over Sakura. “Especially you, Haruno-san. You’re quite the celebrity in the Land of Iron. Imagine my surprise in hearing you were to escort me.” Her lips pulled up in a sly smile. Sakura laughed nervously and readjusted her grip on her backpack. 

“I’m sure the tales are greatly exaggerated, your highness,” she said. The noble shook her head.

“Please, call me Ayako,” she said. 

“Yes ma’am,” Sakura said. Ayako chuckled and stepped to the side, gesturing to the path that stretched into the woods outside the gates. 

“Shall we go?” 

“Of course!”

* * *

 

Ayako was the  _ ideal  _ noble to guard. She didn’t fuss over having to walk, she didn’t ask for breaks every ten minutes, and ate the dried food rations without complaint. She kept the trip from getting boring with polite conversation. Despite her professional demeanor, she  _ really  _ liked talking about herself.

“Training begins at six each morning and goes until noon, and then the rest of my days are filled with politics, meetings, paperwork, and if I’m particularly lucky, my father’s attempts to find me a suitor. It’s  _ exhausting _ ,” she sighed, rubbing her forehead. Sakura made a face, shaking her head. 

“I know the feeling about paperwork. I doubt you’ve ever been to a public hospital, but the paperwork is  _ unbelievable.  _ You have to document  _ everything  _ the patients do, especially if they’re long-term. When did the eat, how are they feeling, when did they last take a dump, EVERYTHING!” She cried, throwing her hands up. Ayako laughed delicately, holding a hand over her mouth.

“Well, a hospital seems at least more interesting than a throne room. All those statues, all the nice little trinkets, and they can’t be bothered to get me a good cushion so my bottom doesn’t go numb,” she said with a sigh. “It’s even worse having to listen to those  _ suitors,  _ goodness gracious.” Her hand rubbed her forehead, and Sakura offered a sympathetic smile. 

“Let me guess,  _ our alliance will be beneficial because this and this and that and you should marry me, despite the fact I’m a selfish twat,”  _ Sakura said, deepening her voice for effect. Ayako laughed again. 

“Oh, and worse! The egos on some of those men! They’re all awful,” she said. 

“You’ve never met anyone even remotely interesting?” Sakura asked, incredulous and hurt on Ayako’s part. 

“No. My tastes are rather... refined,” she hummed. 

“Refined how?”

“I find them limited to women.”

Sakura tripped over her own foot and Hidan choked on his laughter.  _ That  _ one came from left field. Sakura stumbled to find another topic of conversation, but Ayako broke out in an infectious peal of giggles. 

“That one always gets people’s attention,” she chuckled. Sakura and Ayako dissolved back into mindless girl chatter, and Hidan slowly tuned them out. Tatsuki elbowed Hidan to get his attention. 

“How’s rehab going? I see you’ve finally gotten yourself a weapon,” he said, wiggling his eyebrows at Hidan’s scythe. Hidan rolled his eyes. 

_ Okay, I suppose. Sakura sparred with me the other day,  _ he signed. Tatsuki hummed curiously. 

“Oh boy, you got your ass kicked, didn’t you?”

_ When do I NOT get my ass kicked?  _

“Shit, you right,” Tatsuki cackled.

* * *

 

Other than a stray bandit that quickly hurried along when Sakura cracked her knuckles threateningly, they didn’t run into much trouble. The sun was sinking low in the sky, and it was getting bitterly windy and cold the further they traveled north. Tatsuki suggested they stop and set up camp. Ayako didn’t enthusiastically agree, per se, but collapsed on a blanket as soon as they rolled out the sleeping mats and set up the tents. Tatsuki snorted and went off the collect firewood. 

Hidan set up his own tent and sat down inside it, rubbing his hands together to warm them up. His coat was thick and warm, but the gloves were not, as to not interfere with his weapons handlng. It was surreal, almost, how familiar all this was to him. Vague memories filtered back to him; sitting around a small fire, bitching at Kakuzu about his shitty fire-making skills, bitching about the smell of the latest corpse he was dragging around, bitching about the cold... 

Hidan snorted softly to himself. Man, he bitched a lot. 

“What’re  _ you  _ laughing at?” Sakura said as she pulled out a can of broth and a pot. Hidan shook his head dismissively. It was nothing she needed to know about him. 

Sakura pursed her lips suspiciously, but went off to hunt down a rabbit or other small mammal to cook up for their meal that evening. That left Hidan alone with the noble, who had adjusted herself more daintily on her mat, legs tucked beneath her. Her hands were hidden in her sleeves for warmth.

“So. You’re the infamous Hidan I’ve heard about,” she said, her voice low and cautious. Hidan froze in the middle of unstrapping his holster. He slowly let his eyes raise to meet hers. The polite distance in them was gone now; she had every inch of her attention on him. 

Hidan’s skin crawled. 

“Oh yes, the other nations have taken notice of Konoha’s curious decision to dig you up,” she said, dropping her eyes to flick off a stray clod of dirt from her mat. “A curious decision indeed. Questionable. Even dangerous.”

Hidan stared down at his hands nervously, gnawing on the inside of his lip. This was bound to happen sooner or later, but he dreaded it regardless. 

“I’m not here to interrogate you, or to be the judge of your apparent redemption. I’d just like to warn of the many eyes upon you. I would be cautious as you venture forth. The world is still recovering from the War, and any breaks to the peace will be dealt with harshly.”

Just then, Tatsuki came trekking back, whistling with his arms full of wood. He noticed the tension in the air right away, but didn’t comment on it. Only started whistling a slightly more ridiculous tune as he set up the fire in an attempt to alleviate the situation. 

It worked: Ayako started whistling along with him. Tatsuki sputtered in embarrassment, caught red-handed whistling a song about sex and prostitutes. 

Sakura swatted him when she got back.

After their meal, Tatsuki took first watch, and Hidan settled down uneasily onto his mat. Sakura dragged her mat closer to his in the small space of the tent and flopped back, hands tucked beneath her head. For awhile, they didn’t say anything. Hidan deferred to his normal tactic of obsessive observation; Sakura’s chakra hummed peacefully and he quickly found solace in it. 

“What’s buggin’ you?” Sakura asked suddenly, voice soft. Hidan listened for Ayako’s breathing, but she was fast asleep.

_ Everything,  _ he signed with a dry snort. Sakura mimicked it. 

“Well, aside from that. You seem bummed.” 

Hidan traced his finger through a sparse patch of grass. Sometimes he forgot the weird chakra EVP going on between them went two ways. 

_ Just realize I’ve still got a--  _ he struggled to find the word.  _ R-E-P-U-T-A-T-I-O-N  _ he spelled out painstakingly. Sakura fell silent; only the crackling fire disturbed them. 

“Yeah. You’ve got a lot of eyes on you, I won’t lie,” she whispered. Hidan pursed his lips; yeah, he  _ knew.  _

“But I think you’ll handle it just fine.”

Hidan grunted in surprise. 

“If you haven’t realized it, you haven’t sacrificed anyone in almost seven years. I’d say that’s progress,” she cackled. Hidan frowned and flicked dirt at her, to which she replied with chucking her sandal at his head. They shared a muffled fit of giggles and then settled down for sleep.

* * *

 

Something had been making Hidan’s skin crawl for the past half mile, and when he almost got stabbed in the gut he realized why. 

They were surrounded. 

He could have  _ slapped  _ himself. The only thing that consoled him was fact that Tatsuki seemed unperturbed, deflecting the sudden kunai easily and retaliating with his own.

“Sakura, Hidan, protect the noble for me,” Tatsuki said calmly, sliding his pack off his shoulders as a ragtag confederacy of bandits, rogue nin, and mercenaries appeared from the brush or out of thin air. 

You know-- typical bandit stuff. 

Hidan immediately swung his scythe off his back and backed up close to the noble, who was taking this whole “attempt on your life” thing surprisingly well. The wind whirled around them, kicking up the fine layer of snow that had fallen overnight.

“Hoo boy, looks like they weren’t shitting me. It really is you, princess. All alone, dressed like a whore,” one rogue said, stepping forward with a leering smile on his face. Hidan and Tatsuki took up mirrored positions in front of Ayako, Sakura sticking close to her. The bandit clicked his tongue and gestured casually with his tanto knife. 

“Listen, my friends, no hard feelings. We’re just here for the princess. We can’t let her deliver that letter,” he said, shrugging his shoulders. Hidan tightened his grip on his scythe, heart hammering. Half of what was coming out of his mouth was just nonsensical chatter, but one thing that processed was that he was out for the princess and he couldn’t let that happen. 

Tatsuki didn’t wait for whatever imaginary cue the bandits were waiting on; he launched forward and smashed into the guy with the tanto, sending them both crashing to the ground. Before the man could do anything, Tatsuki pulled his ninjato and jammed it straight through the guy’s shoulder and into the snow. He screeched in pain, but Tatsuki was already moving on, and the other bandits sprang into action. 

They weren’t particularly difficult to fight, and Hidan had taken down three of them and killed a fourth before even beginning to feel the strain. Sakura had grabbed the noble and yanked her away to some safer spot before returning to the battle with a thunderous crash that flattened two bandits at once. She glanced up, making eye contact with Hidan and offering a feral grin. Hidan returned it before whirling and smashing the hilt of his scythe across a bandit’s head, knocking him unconscious immediately.

The battle was over in minutes. Tatsuki stood up and wrinkled his nose at the blood that spattered his clothes. Hidan was in a similar state and tried to quell the nausea rising within him. The snow showed every spatter in sharp, excruciating detail and it made his head spin. He screwed his eyes shut and wiped his hands on his pants, hoping the dark fabric wouldn’t show it too much. Deep breath in, long breath out. He felt a hand on his bicep and looked over at Sakura. 

“I’m gonna go check to make sure there are no stragglers,” she said. She squeezed his arm, fingers glowing green briefly and healing a cut he hadn’t even noticed, before letting go and stalking into the woods on the side of the road. He glanced up to see Tatsuki walking over the the tanto-wielder, still pinned to the ground with his ninjato. Tatsuki planted a foot on his chest. 

“I am a very tired and very irritated ANBU, so you better start talking and start talking now,” he said, voice low and deadly. “Who hired you? Why does the letter matter?” 

Hidan got a little closer, close enough to see the blood between Tanto Guy’s teeth when he grinned. 

“ _ Ha,  _ you think--” 

“Oh ho, no you don’t,” Tatsuki interjected, and then jammed his finger in the guy’s mouth. Tanto Guy gagged and writhed before Tatsuki ripped something out-- a tooth. No, a false tooth, with a silver cap. He shook it into his palm, and a tiny purple pill fell out. 

“Wolfsbane,” he mumbled. He looked down at Tanto Guy and held the pill between two fingers, a cold smirk on his face. Hidan felt chills run down his spine. Ah, so this was what was under those layers of sarcasm and flirting. Hidan shouldn’t have expected anything less of an ANBU, but it still made it difficult to swallow. 

“Not so tough now, are you?” He said. Tanto Guy looked decidedly less tough. 

“I’ll ask again, who hired you and--”

“I believe I have an idea.”

Tatsuki raised from his hunch and glanced back to see Ayako stepping delicately from the woods, picking leaves from her hair. She stormed up to the trapped bandit, shouldering Hidan out of the way, and gave him a look like ice. 

“There is an insurgent group that likes to meddle in the Land of Iron’s affairs, calling themselves Okuninushi’s Bane. Mostly defects and immature children without the mettle for true samurai training, but they have been known to coat their weapons in a poison with symptoms  _ very  _ similar to wolfsbane,” she said. 

Tanto swallowed nervously. Tatsuki smirked. 

“An insurgent, huh? Well, Konoha has some very...  _ specific  _ instructions on how to deal with your kind. Unless you start talking, I am going to acquaint you  _ intimately  _ with them, understand?” He said, leering down at Tanto. The guy opened his mouth slowly, eyes flicking around. 

Then he spat a mouthful of blood directly into Tatsuki’s face. His foot came up and socked Tatsuki  _ brutally  _ in the jewels, and Tatsuki roared in pain, stumbling back. Tanto grabbed Tatsuki’s ninjato, wrenching it from his shoulder and launching to his feet, launching at  _ Ayako.  _

“ _ DIE!”  _ He shrieked and drove the ninjato for Ayako’s gut. 

Hidan didn’t think, only moved. He grabbed the back of Ayako’s shirt, yanking her to his chest and turning around just in time to feel cold steel drive through his back, just left of his spine. He sucked in a breath of pain, and Ayako like out a horrified gasp. 

“H- _ Hidan!”  _

He didn’t let himself feel the pain. Instead, he whirled and punched Tanto square in the face, sending him sprawling. He tensed and reached behind him, yanking the ninjato out and tossing it away. Stuff like this didn’t matter. He’d had worse. He glared down at Tanto, and picked him up by the throat, only to slam him down again, making Tanto choke on his own pain. 

“Start.  _ Talking,”  _ he snarled lowly. 

Tanto Guy started talking. 

Tatsuki gave him a good stomp on  _ his  _ family jewels just to be petty. When Sakura finally returned, she took one look at Hidan and slapped herself in the forehead. 

“I leave for  _ five minutes  _ and you nearly get disemboweled?!” She sighs and waves her hand irritably, beckoning him closer. “Why do I always get stuck with the reckless ones?” She moaned in dismay.

Tatsuki tied up and gagged Tanto Guy once he had gotten the information he needed and Sakura stripped the other bandits of their weapons, tied up the unconscious one, and rolled the dead ones off the side of the road. They left the wannabe noble-killers there, and set up camp about a mile ahead. Tatsuki waddled miserably the whole way, his hand gingerly clutching his dick and muttering curses under his breath. 

Sakura tended to Hidan first. To his credit, Hidan let himself be manhandled and chided without much fuss. 

It didn't matter. He'd had worse. Sakura wrapped his torso, but before she could lecture him some more, he nodded his head at Tatsuki. He had curled up in his tent, back facing the group, and was very quiet. Very  _ un- _ Tatsuki. Sakura inhales, pinches her face up, and then exhales before getting to her feet. There’s quiet murmuring and then Tatsuki covers his faces in embarrassment to let her heal his poor, mangled  _ “backup dancers.”  _

“Thank you.” 

Hidan’s attention was torn from the duo to Ayako. She was sitting delicately, staring pensively at the fire. She didn’t meet his eyes. 

“You saved my life,” she said. “Thank you.” 

Hidan felt his cheeks prickle with warmth at her words, and he rubbed the back of his neck uncomfortably. 

“Just... my d-duty,” he mumbled, wincing at he tripped painfully over the syllables. Ayako let out a small, amused breath and relaxed down onto her mat. 

“Regardless, it was... surprising. Perhaps I misjudged you, Hidan.” 

Hidan didn’t know what to think about that. He nodded awkwardly and stood up, gestured to Sakura that he was taking first watch, and then scrambled to safety up the nearest tree. He settled in a semi-comfortable spot on a branch, resting against the trunk of the tree, and kept his eyes peeled. The night was icily clear, a frozen, glittering marvel. He wouldn’t make a dumb mistake like before, ignoring his gut feeling. 

Bah.  _ Stupid _ . 

After the fire died down and Sakura’s chakra dimmed into the soft rhythm of sleep, he heard Tatsuki walking casually up the trunk towards him. He swung up onto the branch and settled down next to Hidan with a grin. 

“Well, that certainly was humiliating,” he said, patting his crotch for reference. Hidan snorted and looked away, finger scratching gently at the frost on the bark. 

_ Could have been worse.  _

Tatsuki let out a bark of laughter. “Worse?  _ How?”  _

Hidan debated telling him this story. 

_ You could have gotten it cut off, and then reattached by some miserly old fuckwad.  _

Tatsuki blinked slowly, and then blinked again, faster, as he came to a realization. His mouth stretched into a mortified ‘O.’ 

“ _ No... _ ” He whispered. Hidan flushed a little and rubbed his neck, nodding. Tatsuki laid a sincere hand on his shoulder, and stared him straight in the eye. 

“I’m so sorry.”

Hidan covered his mouth before he could burst out in laughter. Tatsuki lost his composure as well and cracked up, smacking his knee to keep himself from disturbing the women below. Hidan waved his hand dismissively and wiped a mirthful tear from his eye. He put an urgent finger over his lips to quiet Tatsuki down, as Sakura’s chakra signature was beginning to stir. 

After their juvenile giggle, Tatsuki let out a bubbly sigh and leaned back, propping himself up on his hands and letting his feet dangle. 

“This is nice,” he sighed. “I’ve always loved the cold.” Hidan tilted his head at Tatsuki, and he caught the edge of his old wound again, below his winter layers.  _ Sour mission, sour mission, sour mission  _ bounced through his head. He shouldn’t ask. Tatsuki probably didn’t want to think about it, but... 

Hidan was worried. That’s what friends did, right?

He hesitantly raised his hand and pointed at the bandages. Tatsuki glanced where he was pointing and his expression pinched up unhappily. 

“You heard?” He said quietly, his mood plummeting faster than the temperature. Hidan drew his hand back and shoved it between his knees, feeling rude for even pointing it out. He shrugged a little. 

“Ah. Yeah. I was on a mission for the Lady Hokage. An assassination that I can’t-- really talk about, you know?” He said with weak smile. Hidan nodded. “I... fucked up. Mamoru, my partner, he, uh... The enemy had some kind of-- body control jutsu... I-- He...?” 

Tatsuki couldn’t finish. He didn’t need to. Hidan touched his arm gently, brows furrowed in concern. Tatsuki let out a shaky sigh and turned his eyes up at the moon, and Hidan’s heart shriveled when he found them wet with tears. 

“We’ve been working together for six years and then he’s just-- gone.” 

Hidan got bold and rubbed his back a few times, and let out another pained sigh, pressing his palm to his forehead. 

“Fucking... fuck,” he whispered. Hidan awkwardly pulled Tatsuki closer, and the ANBU gratefully pressed his face into Hidan’s shoulder. Tears were shameful for high-level shinobi, but out of sight out of mind... sort of. 

“Me too,” Hidan murmured in response to Tatsuki’s profanity. Tatsuki burst out in weak chuckles, giving Hidan a weak swat. 

“God, shut up,” he said.

* * *

 

Ayako arrived, safe and sound, at her humble mansion just before dusk the following day. Mifune was waiting inside the entrance hall for her, a line of samurai present as well. It seemed mostly for show; Mifune welcomed both Ayako and the crew of Konoha shinobi home warmly. 

“Your highness,” he said. Hidan caught the way Mifune glanced over him. So did Ayako. She quickly spoke up, even as servants tried to get her to change out of her “dirty peasant clothes.” 

“Mifune, I have information regarding Okuninushi’s Bane. Hidan here took a blade for me and saved my life,” she said boldly. Mifune’s head tilted a little, his hard eyes regarding Hidan carefully. He distinctly felt his heart being places on a scale; he just wanted to wither away, oh lord, he could  _ feel  _ all those eyes on him, hidden under those creepy armor masks. Fuck, shit, dammit-- 

“I see,” he finally relents. “Please, I ask you all to at least spend the night, as our honored guests,” he said. Sakura smiled and bowed politely. 

“We would greatly appreciate it, Sir. Thank you.”

Agh. All these good manners were stifling; he didn’t belong here. Everything was too open, too lavish, too stiff. He just wanted to go home. 

Nevertheless, Mifune had servants lead them to the guest wing of her mansion, and they were given an extravagant traditional dinner of rice, miso soup, and side of fish and pickled vegetables. He picked at it, but didn’t really eat much. He was too homesick. It was pathetic. He’d been gone four days, for fuck’s sake. Ayako joined them briefly, dressed in beautiful, draping silks, to thank them again, and to bid them goodnight. 

The rooms they were offered had a very old-timey feel, with polished wood paneling, shoji screen doors, a low-set shikibuton. He sighed and set down his pack and scythe, stripping down to his pants and undershirt. Weariness picked at his eyes and made any position on the bed uncomfortable; he hadn’t realized how used to his routine with Sakura had gotten. This mission was throwing that all out of whack and he liked it even less when he realized that he  _ shouldn’t  _ be so used to routine. The life of a shinobi was supposed to be all about danger and improvisation and... you know, all that shit.

Hidan rested a hand on the bandages under his shirt, rolling over and grumbling at the twinge of pain that shot through his stomach. Though it wasn’t just his stomach; there was a heavy ache that radiated somewhere deeper in him. Dirty old memories that had had the dust blown off of them. Had it always hurt this much?

He felt ill. His first ritual floated, unbidden, to the front of his mind. The first sacrifice was a young man from a nearby village, with no fighting skills at all. An easy kill. Back when all he had was an old dao blade, and his hands shook as Yasuda presented him with a knife covered in blood. 

_ Go on,  _ he’d said.  _ Have a taste.  _

He’d thrown up later. Yasuda slapped him. 

Hidan pinched his eyes shut as his head pounded. He was better than this, he could  _ control it-- _

There was a knock outside his door. Before she even spoke, he knew it was Sakura. He grunted in affirmation and the door slid quietly open. 

“Hey...” Sakura murmured. “I, uh... couldn’t sleep. You can’t either, can you?” 

Hidan sat up and shook his head. Sakura gnawed on her lip and Hidan squinted at her in the low light. 

“Mind if I...” she says, “Sit?” 

Hidan shook his head, patting the plentiful amount of space around him. That was another thing that shook him up: the bed was  _ huge.  _ Sakura padded over and sat herself on the edge of the mattress, legs folded beneath her. 

“How’s your wound?” She asked, trying to fill the silence before it got awkward. Hidan shrugged. 

_ Typical,  _ he signs. Sakura clicks her tongue and prods his gut with a finger, making him hiss in pain. 

“Typical my  _ ass.  _ That hit should have killed you, you know. Went right through your liver  _ and  _ hit a kidney. That was stupid of you, honestly,” she said, crossing her arms. Hidan frowned and glanced away. 

_ I know what I’m capable of.  _

There was a beat of silence. 

“...Sorry,” she said. “I’m being bitchy again, aren’t I?” Hidan snorted and nodded. Sakura sighs and runs a hand through her hair, which was free, for once, from her severe braids. 

“Well, it was quick thinking, I’ll give you that. And  _ damn,  _ I didn’t even know you were capable of sounding that threatening anymore...”

They talk for awhile, over an hour at least. About the fight, about his reputation, about his punishment training he’d be doing when they got home because he was dumb enough to get  _ stabbed...  _

He just liked listening to her. He liked watching her flick an unruly chunk of hair out of her eyes, twist up her fingers in her sleeping shirt, stretch her toes and make them pop. His eyes started growing heavy, and with Sakura’s voice in the background it was useless to fight. He was out cold in minutes. 

In the morning, she was gone (a disappointment) but the dent from where she sat hadn’t been disturbed. 

He was halfway through getting dressed before he realized that all that remained of his wound was a tender pink scar.

* * *

 

Ayako said goodbye to them in person. She had changed out of her  _ dirty peasant clothes _ , and was now in a striking set of armor, all white metal with intricate gold patterns and a katana strapped to her hip. She  _ literally  _ looked like a goddess. Hidan’s hands got sweaty just being within ten feet of her. 

“The Hokage will get his payment within two weeks,” Ayako said, nodding her head respectfully. Sakura opened her mouth, closed it, then opened it again. 

“‘His?’” She said slowly, like someone who immediately regretted even opening their mouth. Last she knew, Tsunade hadn’t expressed any interest in switching genders... Ayako seemed just as confused as Sakura. In fact, everyone was confused. Hidan included. 

“Naruto Uzumaki is supposed to be coronated as Hokage within the week, is he not?” She said slowly, with the hesitance of someone who has been called out on having incorrect information. Sakura didn’t deny that though, only blanched white and then bright, burning red in an aggressive show of embarrassment. 

“R-right! Right, of course! We’ll be taking our leave now, thank you for you hospitality!” She stammered, rushed, and then practically herded Tatsuki and Hidan out of the mansion. The moment they were past the gates, Tatsuki  _ lost it.  _

“YOU SERIOUSLY FORGOT ABOUT NARUTO’S CORONATION?! SAKURA HARUNO, I  _ LOVE  _ YOU!” He howled, bent over and clutching his stomach and he practically cried over Sakura’s little faux pas. The kunoichi in question was fuming. 

“Shut up! Fuck you, Tatsuki,  _ fuck you!  _ I had a lot on my plate, okay?! FUCK!” She covered her face with her hands and suddenly dropped into a crouch, balled up and suffering from a severe bout of humiliation. “I need to change my name and move away... Who just  _ forgets  _ about  _ Naruto Uzumaki’s  _ coronation, oh  _ god. _ ” 

Hidan allowed himself a quiet chuckle; he wondered why things had been weird at the village. Lots of deliveries coming and going, lots of foreigners coming to visit, and every store front decided to give itself a fresh coat of paint. Hidan’s knowledge of the war was very limited, but from what he knew, the ditsy blonde had apparently, don’t quote him on this, saved the shinobi world. Or something. The details were fuzzy. 

So the coronation was a big deal. Okay. He crouched down next to Sakura and patted her shoulder a few times in sympathy. At least, until she decided her pride was wounded enough and sprang back into a standing position. 

“I hate you both. Let’s go,” she grumbled. Hidan and Tatsuki exchanged a grin and followed after, intent on poking fun at her the whole way home. 

 


End file.
